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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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The question all parents need to ask: Why are there no toilets on the tube….

It is basic maths really, three children plus two adults times central London equals extreme moments of stress.

Throw in the Olympics and it can equate to wanting to put the kids on eBay at the end of the day…

Probably wouldn’t even make the reserve price.

The morning started off well, we had to be up before the birds to get into the centre for beach volleyball so I had the rare pleasure of waking up all of my children.  Revenge barely covered the emotion that flowed happily through my veins.     Sleepy children rubbed their eyes and blinked at the harsh light whilst I merrily thumped, clattered and banged my way into the day.

Journey’s into London often tend to be hard work hence I am happy to report that the tube ride was uneventful; it is barely worth writing that one of my children forget to use the bathroom before we left and became crippled with the need to empty their bowels between Acton and Green Park.

Certainly it isn’t worth reading that the urge became overwhelming and eventually said childs restraint collapsed resulting a small brown pebble falling free from a six years old arse.  I am convinced it wouldn’t interest any one to know they were wearing their wash day pants as well; the one’s where the elastic sodded off months ago leaving them defenceless against falling poop.

Had it not been for he who helped create them keen sense of smell that brown pebble would have scattered down the tube aisle under the nose of all other passengers before falling foul of an unsuspecting murderous shoe…

As it was I managed to grab the offending item using a wipe for protection and stuff it quickly into the empty croissant bag.

So uneventful journey….

After the calm, almost dull tube ride we emerged at the Olympics, at Horse Guards Parade, both he who helped create them and I looking remarkably composed…

 Following the failings of G4S the army were there to greet us.  Using this as an opportune parenting moment I told my children they had to be on their best behaviour or face being arrested…

Twin Boy danced through security control eyeing up the soldiers with glee;

“They don’t scare me mummy,” he gloated “if they try to arrest me I will shoot them with the gun I hid in my pocket”

Security took longer than usual.

Just another day in Paradise…..

 

Comments

  1. Emma @mummymummymum says

    July 29, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    oooops! I’d have loved to have been witness to that! At least is was pebble like 🙂

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      July 29, 2012 at 7:29 pm

      Come round emma, it happens in this house a lot….

      Reply
  2. twins tiaras & tantrums says

    July 29, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    Hilarious! I wish my girls poos were pebble like, instead of something that resembles a river dredging ;-(

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      July 29, 2012 at 8:49 pm

      at least that may not “escape” in public

      Reply
  3. Steph says

    July 29, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    ho ho. yes, think you got away lightly with that one – not sure any of my children’s are ever as small as a pebble! And far more likely they’d want to wee…. why aren’t there loos on the tubes then?!

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      July 29, 2012 at 8:48 pm

      I don’t know – shall we ask Boris?

      Reply
  4. Jacq says

    July 29, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    Another one who never uses the words pebble and poo in the same sentence.

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      July 29, 2012 at 8:48 pm

      Good lord – dont get my kids competitive on poo…

      Reply
  5. Liz @ The Baby wears Prada says

    July 29, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    ha ha! Good show. x

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      July 29, 2012 at 8:47 pm

      Thanks!

      Reply
  6. Vanessa says

    July 30, 2012 at 12:48 am

    I have nominated you for a versatile blogging award, please see: http://beyondconfessions.wordpress.com/2012/07/30/versatile-blogger-award-take-2/
    Thank you for your wonderful blog and beautifully written posts. I thoroughly enjoy reading them.
    XOXO
    Beyond Confessions

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      July 31, 2012 at 6:50 pm

      why thanks x x x

      Reply
    • northernmum says

      July 31, 2012 at 6:55 pm

      why thank you

      Reply
  7. Notmyyearoff says

    July 30, 2012 at 7:10 am

    Hahaa oh noooo, at least no one noticed! And hopefully you remembered and didn’t dip your hand into the croissant bag afterwards.

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      July 31, 2012 at 6:49 pm

      the offending child was in charge of that!

      Reply
  8. FamilyFourFun says

    July 31, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    Sounds very skill fully managed to me. Knowing my luck it would have been something squishy that couldn’t be dealt with easily! xx

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      August 1, 2012 at 7:08 am

      Always carry wipes…..

      Reply
  9. Helloitsgemma says

    August 2, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Just wrong. I feel very uncomfortable having read that. I don’t like poo. Why do you put me through this?

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      August 2, 2012 at 4:12 pm

      you choose to read, your eyes your choice!

      Reply
  10. Aly says

    September 6, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    This year has been our first for visits to London as a family and the tube with no toilets is officially hell! Wipes are a parents best friend.

    Reply

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Jane is a working Mum of three and has great hair. One of these things may not be true.

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