It is basic maths really, three children plus two adults times central London equals extreme moments of stress.
Throw in the Olympics and it can equate to wanting to put the kids on eBay at the end of the day…
Probably wouldn’t even make the reserve price.
The morning started off well, we had to be up before the birds to get into the centre for beach volleyball so I had the rare pleasure of waking up all of my children. Revenge barely covered the emotion that flowed happily through my veins. Sleepy children rubbed their eyes and blinked at the harsh light whilst I merrily thumped, clattered and banged my way into the day.
Journey’s into London often tend to be hard work hence I am happy to report that the tube ride was uneventful; it is barely worth writing that one of my children forget to use the bathroom before we left and became crippled with the need to empty their bowels between Acton and Green Park.
Certainly it isn’t worth reading that the urge became overwhelming and eventually said childs restraint collapsed resulting a small brown pebble falling free from a six years old arse. I am convinced it wouldn’t interest any one to know they were wearing their wash day pants as well; the one’s where the elastic sodded off months ago leaving them defenceless against falling poop.
Had it not been for he who helped create them keen sense of smell that brown pebble would have scattered down the tube aisle under the nose of all other passengers before falling foul of an unsuspecting murderous shoe…
As it was I managed to grab the offending item using a wipe for protection and stuff it quickly into the empty croissant bag.
So uneventful journey….
After the calm, almost dull tube ride we emerged at the Olympics, at Horse Guards Parade, both he who helped create them and I looking remarkably composed…
Following the failings of G4S the army were there to greet us. Using this as an opportune parenting moment I told my children they had to be on their best behaviour or face being arrested…
Twin Boy danced through security control eyeing up the soldiers with glee;
“They don’t scare me mummy,” he gloated “if they try to arrest me I will shoot them with the gun I hid in my pocket”
Security took longer than usual.
Just another day in Paradise…..