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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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Castrating an Owl and insulting strangers….. ~ Northernmum

It sounded like a mix between an owl being castrated and a badly tuned harp being plucked out of order.

It was the type of sound that worms its way into your very soul and wraps itself around the joints of your brain and stays there like an annoying in law who asks for yet another cup of tea.

I first heard it in the morning when brushing the fur from my teeth, the sound crawled into my ears over the noise of the dripping tap, it got louder, I turned the tap on harder creating a furious wave of water.  The agony persisted penetrating and twisting its way into my being, I couldn’t bear it, it got louder and louder until I could take no more.

“Molly” I cried in agony “stop that infernal racket; that’s not singing it’s noise.”

My six year old paused momentarily, toothpaste stopped in mid air whilst her brush waited anxiously below.  She gave me a look that could turn milk, squeezed on the white paste and started to brush whilst still “singing”.

I left the room, the noise still rioting in my head.

All day she continued humming a tune Lucifer would be proud of, she followed me from room to room until I felt my palms a twitching.

Then it came to a head.

In Tesco’s of all places.

I was shoving the groceries into bags, readying them to move to their new home.  BB wailed beside me, screaming her protest of being trapped in a trolley.

The noise began, softer than before but more insistent. The toddler yelled some more, a bag split, the eggs cracked and my nerves hit breaking point.

“Will you stop the bloody row,” I demanded in a shout whilst shoving beans in with the sugar and trying to avoid the dripping yolk, “Its not singing it’s noise and it is burning my ears.”

It stopped abruptly with a gasp of shock.  I looked up to see twin girl sitting two feet away head buried in a magazine, lips silent.

My cheeks flushed, I altered my gaze to meet the eyes of the sixty something year old checkout lady.

“Sorry” she muttered “I didn’t realise I was that bad.”

In my defense, she was bloody awful!

Photo credit

Comments

  1. Teresa F Morgan says

    July 23, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    Hmmm… I am sometimes singing whilst I work at Big T Express. But nobody has insulted me yet…

    You made me laugh as usual 😉

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      July 23, 2012 at 9:31 pm

      Give me time! I’ll fine you

      Reply
  2. Mette says

    July 24, 2012 at 4:59 am

    Brilliant:)

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      July 25, 2012 at 5:19 pm

      Thanks

      Reply
  3. crunchnrustle says

    July 24, 2012 at 7:32 am

    Thank you for giving me a laugh-out-loud moment!

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      July 25, 2012 at 5:20 pm

      Welcome

      Reply
  4. Sian says

    July 24, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    good job you don’t live near us – the singing is truly awful – but done with feeling : )

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      July 25, 2012 at 5:20 pm

      Feeling is no excuse…. 🙂

      Reply
  5. Blue sky says

    July 24, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    It’s all Mary Byrne’s fault of course 🙂

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      July 25, 2012 at 5:20 pm

      Who?

      Reply
  6. Emma says

    July 25, 2012 at 7:22 am

    Brilliant! Could you make out what she was actually singing? I have a 7 year old also guilty of a tuneless racket. She’s practicing to be a pop star apparently. She has a long practice!! 🙂

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      July 25, 2012 at 5:21 pm

      It sounded like an out of tune rap version of kum by ya!

      Reply
  7. Jelly Babies says

    July 26, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Love your funny stories, always cheers me up!

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      July 26, 2012 at 1:27 pm

      Thanks x

      Reply
  8. Jess @ Catch A Single Thought says

    July 26, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    That made me laugh out loud! Obviously a bit of a cringeworthy moment though!

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      July 26, 2012 at 8:56 pm

      Totally! Am now shopping at Morrisons! X

      Reply
  9. Actually Mummy... says

    July 29, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    It could only happen to you!

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      July 29, 2012 at 7:29 pm

      It always happens to me…..

      Reply
  10. Rachelradiostar says

    August 1, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Oh how absolutely BRILLIANT! I wish I had been in that supermarket! Classic pin dropping moment. Poor you. poor lady!!!

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      August 1, 2012 at 5:33 pm

      More poor me surely?

      Reply
  11. Helloitsgemma says

    August 2, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Poor woman. I hope you gave her a hug. As for Molly I predict X factor.

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      August 2, 2012 at 4:11 pm

      With Hoi-tse?

      Reply

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Jane is a working Mum of three and has great hair. One of these things may not be true.

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