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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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It’s a simple matter of human biology….

“So how old are you?” exclaimed the friendly lady to a cheerful twin girl.

“I am six,” she replied with a smile tickling her lips, “but mummy says I am ever so tall for my age.”

“And what about you little man,” questioned the same friendly lady to a shorter twin boy.

“I’m six as well,” he snorted barely concealing his annoyance, and then together in a weird Jedward way my children chimed…

“We are twins.”

“Oh, how lovely,” sang the friendly old lady who had befriended us in the park, and turning to me she with a look of unashamed joy she cried “aren’t you a marvellously lucky mummy, are they identical?”

Stop the clock.

Lucky to me means being able to put a pound on the lotto and win back six million, lucky to me means finding a heavy iron horseshoe which can be used as a weapon as some ruffian is about to try to snatch your bag…

It is not always the term I used to describe having twins.

When they were both learning to live life without nappies, I spent days ankle-deep in human waste and I wouldn’t say lucky was the first phrase that sprang to mind.  When they began to talk they always had someone to argue with, and lucky was not how one felt.

They always have someone to play with, and on the rare occasion that happens happily the sense of relief washes over me like a rain shower rather than the happy dance I associate with luck.

Blessed, for my beautiful healthy offspring, yes.

Lucky; not always.

But moving on; I concede that I am marvellous, happy to chalk that one up to the friendly old lady in the park.

Which leads me nicely on to the question of identical…

Let’s examine the evidence.

Twin girl, is the tallest in her class, she has beautiful brown wavy hair, is impeccably behaved, worries about being accidentally naughty and loves to spend hours writing groundbreaking novels which often accidentally plagiarises the three little pigs.

Twin boy on the other hand is a little on the stumpy side; with a mischievous grin that can get him out of a whole heap of trouble.  Known to push the rules and stretch the truth he can be tamed with a particularly complex Maths puzzle or access to a life supply of Lego.

Oh, and he has a PENIS.

Twin girl is missing that extra addition to her frame.  She doesn’t have a little fire hose to urinate through and has to contend, like the rest of us ladies, with sitting on the toilet to pee. (Apart from that one time when she tried to wee like a man and found herself standing ankle-deep in human waste.)

They are not identical…

However before I had a chance to educate the friendly old lady in the park on basic human biology, twin girl quickly intervened with a sweet reply,

“I am a girl, he is a boy, silly,” she gently refuted, “identical is when you are both the same and I can’t wee standing up.”

Glad she cleared that one up for me.

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Comments

  1. Emma @mummymummymum says

    March 21, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    ha ha, I love Twin girl!! Although how come everyone else seems to have well behaved girls and mine is a monkey? ( to put it politely ) xx

    Reply
  2. janeblackmore says

    March 21, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    because I am serving my tie with twin boy!

    Reply
  3. fireflyphil says

    March 21, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    [sigh] You’d have thought she was old enough to know…

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 21, 2012 at 9:47 pm

      it seems to be a common error!

      Reply
  4. teawithonesugarplease says

    March 21, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    Weird old lady who obvs needs glasses … well done twin girl telling it like it is

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 21, 2012 at 9:47 pm

      to be fair twin boy needs a hair cut!

      Reply
  5. Older Mum (@Older_Mum) says

    March 21, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    Really great, funny, well written post. Loved the punch line!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 21, 2012 at 9:46 pm

      Thanks xxx

      Reply
  6. helloitsgemma says

    March 21, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    well done Twin Girl stating the bleeding obvious. somebody needed to.
    but am a bit terrified by the Jedward style combination speaking…..

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 21, 2012 at 9:42 pm

      They do it a lot, freaks me out!

      Reply
  7. redrosemummy says

    March 21, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    Twin Girl has obviously got it all worked out. This reminds me of my Mum phoning me to tell me that my cousin had given birth to boy-girl twins. ‘The twins have been born, a boy and a girl. They aren’t identical.’ She couldn’t work out why I was laughing.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 21, 2012 at 9:43 pm

      I get asked so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Reply
  8. Anna says

    March 21, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    Don’t you just love crazy old ladies in the park? I always find it enjoyable when some grandma refers to my daughter as a little boy. I love Twin Girl’s response though. Might adopt a similar attitude myself next time someone tries to gender-reassign The Baby x

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 21, 2012 at 9:44 pm

      Very wise plan!!!! x

      Reply
  9. Chris Mosler says

    March 21, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    Gemma pinched my comment so DITTO will do. Made me grin…again!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 21, 2012 at 9:44 pm

      Good *beams*

      Reply
  10. Actually Mummy (@ActuallyMummy) says

    March 21, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    I think I might start a linky about the the things old people say and do – it’s even more astounding than what the kids come out with!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 21, 2012 at 9:48 pm

      Be a good excuse for me to blog more about me mother!

      Reply
  11. Midlife singlemum says

    March 21, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    I have a twin brother and sister and people were always asking me if they were identical. Sometimes I answered, ‘no, the girl has long hair.’ Usually they would understand that my answer was absurd. But then they’d ask again. ‘Seriously, are they identical?’ Even when I said that one is a boy and one is a girl, often they didn’t get it.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 21, 2012 at 10:22 pm

      simple folk and all! x

      Reply
  12. Kate (@_katie_bailey) says

    March 21, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    bwahahahahaha!! Twin girl is just fabulous, I loves her :0)

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 22, 2012 at 7:44 am

      She thanks you for the adoration! 🙂

      Reply
  13. lou says

    March 21, 2012 at 11:04 pm

    I wish I had a pound every time someone had asked me that! I would be so very rich now.
    Lady “are they identical?”
    Me “no they are a girl and a boy”
    Lady “yes, but are they identical?”
    Oh god, kill me now!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 22, 2012 at 7:43 am

      Snort – ever been asked to prove it?!?

      Reply
  14. Chelseamamma says

    March 22, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Haa haa – good girl!! She obviously gets it from her mum!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 22, 2012 at 2:58 pm

      Awwww *blushes*

      Reply
  15. SammyDee says

    March 22, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Wonderful story and brilliantly written. 🙂

    I guy I know recently became a grandparent. He was so proud when he told me his daughter was having identical twins. (He’s got an identical twin himself so it runs in the family). I congratulated him and asked if they were boys or girls. He replied ‘yep, identical twins. A boy and a girl’. He really should know better!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 22, 2012 at 2:58 pm

      Aw bless! What a lovely wally x

      Reply
  16. Lorraine from The Party Times says

    March 22, 2012 at 9:17 am

    there’s no messing with twin girl and her point had to be made – saved you a job!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 22, 2012 at 2:59 pm

      Exactly! X

      Reply
  17. LW says

    March 22, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    I blame Shakespeare!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 22, 2012 at 2:59 pm

      For any reason?

      Reply
  18. peachesandpearls says

    March 22, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Hahah I love people sometimes !

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 22, 2012 at 3:00 pm

      Certainly stops life from being boring!!

      Reply
  19. Jacq says

    March 22, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    PMSL at this.
    My favourite is when people say of my 4 ‘Oh don’t they look alike?’
    Yes, that’ll be because they have the same mother and father….

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 22, 2012 at 3:01 pm

      Lord I say that *hides*

      Reply
  20. purplemum says

    March 22, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    haha I think I would have answered “yes this one’s a very convincing transvestite isn’t he” but then perhaps thats why little old ladies avoid me in the park!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 22, 2012 at 8:03 pm

      I think the friendly old lady may have passed out in shock….

      Reply
  21. Susan Mann (@susankmann) says

    March 22, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Love it, good girl xx

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 22, 2012 at 8:02 pm

      Thanks x

      Reply
  22. Notmyyeaorff says

    March 22, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Hehe I love your twins!!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 22, 2012 at 8:04 pm

      They are awesome

      Reply
  23. Michelle Shafer Marine says

    March 22, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    Haha! You are so funny. I voted in your blog award contest! Good luck. I also awarded you a Versatile Blogger Award. You can pick it up here:http://www.simplifylivelove.com/2012/03/i-won-the-versatile-blogger-award.html

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 22, 2012 at 9:41 pm

      Thanks Michelle ! x

      Reply
  24. sarsm says

    March 24, 2012 at 8:35 am

    You go girl!!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 26, 2012 at 7:17 pm

      Exactly!

      Reply
  25. 1978rebecca says

    April 3, 2012 at 8:42 am

    It does make me worry about the state of the nation when people don’t seem to realise that boys and girls can’t be identical.

    Hilarious post. Thanks for linking up to the multiples carnival. If you get chance the other posts are here. http://1978rebecca.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/multiple-mayhem-carnival.html

    Reply
  26. JallieDaddy says

    April 13, 2012 at 8:17 am

    Brilliant! I can’t wait for ours to be sarcastic to people who ask that frankly very stupid question. I am always annoyingly polite when I point out that boy-girl twins sort of aren’t identical. In the meantime you could market that as ring-tone: I’d buy it, & play it back every time I’m asked that dumb question!

    Reply
  27. JallieDaddy says

    April 13, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Except as the Mummy has just pointed out to me it’s very easy, as parents of twins, to be wise in hindsight. It’s possible that even we might have made that mistake Before. Apparently even Shakespeare made that mistake.

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Best of the UK Parent Blogs: Ten at Ten (50) | Tots 100 says:
    March 23, 2012 at 10:06 am

    […] Finally, if you ever wondered how to figure the difference between identical and non-identical twins, then Jane from a Northern Mum with Southern Children has the answer for you: It’s a simple matter of human biology….simples! […]

    Reply

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