Breakdown on lockdown….

Day 10.

I was doing so well.

Well not in comparison to Karen on Facebook whose kids are snacking on raw onion that she home grew, whilst learning British Sign Language for fun, as she also runs a home business in conjuction with volunteering in her local neighbourhood.

But by my own low standards, I was doing well.

Kids have been dressed every day barr one, they have had at least 2 decent meals a day, the dog has been walked (mainly by my friend. but still walked,) and I have continued to work – in quite challenging circumstances in businesses that are facing their own major challenges.

I have not trained, but I put this down to having a touch of Covid-19 for the last few days, as soon as I can run up the stairs without feeling like a 96 year old asthmatic, life with the barbell will resume again.  Don’t worry, you can see I am taking precaution to not infect the kids….

But then day 10 smacked me in the face like a bowling ball gone astray.

I dressed in my usual gym wear, because my jeans and I are not on speaking terms.

I scraped my hair into a Trolls wig (true story), and did my morning conference call.

Then I worked, and attempted some form of home schooling, but actually watched on as one of my kids went and painted a wall, and the other two made a homemade loaf.

And me,

I had a little sob.

A real woe is me moment.

Because I am at home, feeling a bit poorly, with no other grown-ups and all the biscuits and wine has gone.  And I miss my parents, and human contact – and feck me, I don’t even like touching folk normally.

 

That has set the tone for the day.

Work, cope, cry, work again.

I have made no secret of the fact that I suffered with a touch of anxiety last year – ironically, I was worried the economy would go to shit, and I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills.

Ummmm – hello, global recession, and worldwide pandemic.

But I have worked so hard to change my mindset, to look for the positive and to believe in myself.    And I am paying my bills, just, but I am paying them right now through hard work and passion.

Which is why I know today is a blip, a human moment of fear and a touch of loneliness, in which I am sure I am not alone.

But it is worth recording that I cracked on Day 10, but I still can’t wait to see what Day 11 brings…

How is everyone else faring?

 

Jane x