• Home
  • Work with me / About me
  • Disclosure
  • Terms/Privacy Policy
    • Cookie Policy
    • Website Terms & Conditions
  • Contact

Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

  • facebook
  • twitter
  • instagram
  • youtube
  • mail

step up and sort it out Mrs Nature – now!

I need to start this post with a disclaimer:

I love my kids more than anything (including chocolate and wine)

However this parenting job is bloody hard work and at times my beloved offspring can be enormously annoying.

I remember when the twins were small enough to snuggle in each arm and I would gaze upon them with pure adoration; had you told me then that one day I would feel my hands twitching as I tried to contain the urge to bang their heads together after listening to them pick at each other for an hour I just wouldn’t have believed you.

But its true; how can anyone be expected to keep their sanity when conversations like this become a daily occurrence;

Twin boy (in the car) ‘mummy are we there yet.’

Me with long drawn out sigh ‘no’

Twin girl ‘how many minutes’

(Conversation halts for five minutes whilst the twins have a short argument because twin boy wanted to ask the minutes question – argument ended by me losing my cool and issuing an unrealistic threat that we all know will never be carried out)

Twin boy ‘how many minutes’

Me ‘twenty’

Twin boy and girl ‘1,2,3,……20’ followed by ‘are we here? Shall we take our belts off?’

The view through the window clearly depicts we are still on the motorway therefore seatbelt removal will result in potentially a large fine from the police, or more realistically mummies head exploding through shouting too much.

Me ‘there are sixty seconds in one minute so that means you need to count to (falters here…) A lot of minutes.’

Twin boy ‘oh, so are we nearly there yet?’

Me ‘no’

Twin girl ‘how many minutes?’.

And so on…

Even short car journeys now can feel like an eternity and on long ones I am known to feed them both huge sunday roasts before setting off and then turning the radio onto classic fm and whacking the heating onto maximum in a bid to encourage sleep. This is a risky strategy though because it often results in the twins being as awake as ever whilst I bite down on my hands in order to keep my eyes open. Or god forbid the worse happens as we pass the last services on the M25 at the longest point between junctions and twin boys’ sunday roast digests into his bottom and issues a five second warning before it reappears. Cue much shouting and wiggling from him and tears and exhaustion from me and often a bag with soiled underwear as the final insult.

And why do five year olds have to shout everything and ask a gazillion questions; and why do five year old girls have to perfect the ‘scream’…

Should twin boy accidentally catch twin girl with a glancing blow to the skull she is known to issue a wail that could shatter glass. My spikes rise up on my back and I could once more gleefully strangle them both.

And why do they eat so loud? And with such bad manners? I was showered today in cod and chips as twin boy regaled me with a tale of his footballing glory whilst shoveling food into one side of his mouth and the cleverly flicking bits at me with his tongue from the other side. I couldn’t even ask him to stop as I would have had to open my mouth and risk him getting the money shot and his aim was spot on today.

You can’t blame us, the parents, I know this because twin girl eats impeccably where as twin boy inhales and exhales his meals. Twin girl screeches like a; well like a girl; and twin boy doesn’t. Both were brought up exactly the same so I have solved the nature verses nuture argument. Further proof of this can be found by watching twin girl eat tomatoes, lettuce and cucumber whilst her brother pretends to vomit when presented with a representative of a healthy food group.

So I repeat; I love my kids but since Mother Nature made them a little bit annoying and I am finding the task of parenting quite hard work maybe she ought to step back in the saddle and sort them out?

Any one have a number for Mother Nature?

Comments

  1. helloitsgemma says

    April 11, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    weekend break away has been good then?
    to be honest, when your not driving and not been there before you do wonder ‘are we nearly there yet’ I mean they have a point. Maybe, more wine and chocolate would help (wine only if you are in the passenger seat, obviously)

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      April 12, 2011 at 12:38 pm

      Gemma never side with the child!!!

      Reply
  2. Teawithonesugarplease says

    April 11, 2011 at 10:06 pm

    If you find Mother natures number can you pass it onto me as I too have a bone to pick with her also. Cheers

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      April 12, 2011 at 12:35 pm

      If i get it I am going to publize it on facebook, twitter, linked in etc etc – its time she got her comeuppance

      Reply
  3. eviegracesmummy says

    April 12, 2011 at 4:31 am

    Mother Nature is a man!!! No woman would give us periods, spots at 32, frizzy hair and decide its a good idea to push a baby out of our ‘special place’! X

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      April 12, 2011 at 12:33 pm

      special place! I love it!

      I had to try and explain where babies come from when the dont use the sunroof to twin girl yesterday! that was a conversation worth blogging about….

      Reply
  4. LJB @ crankymonkeys in london says

    April 12, 2011 at 7:23 am

    My 6-year old will actually sit and count to 500 if I tell him that that’s how long it’ll take to “get there”. I just wish he’d count quietly 🙂

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      April 12, 2011 at 12:33 pm

      Let me guess he adopts a booming voice?

      Reply
      • LJB @ crankymonkeys in london says

        April 12, 2011 at 3:27 pm

        Something like that 🙂

        Reply
  5. Donna@MummyCentral says

    April 12, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    Laughed out loud in the middle of work, just reading the bit about being sprayed with cod and chips. People in my office now giving VERY funny looks.
    If you speak to Mother Nature, can you ask her to give me a higher metabolism – and my children a volume switch!
    xxx

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      April 12, 2011 at 3:46 pm

      I am going to have to start writing these requests down me thinks!

      Reply
  6. Circus Queen says

    April 12, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    Oh dear! Very honest and very funny! This is the kind of thing you’d only feel comfortable admitting about your own, I suspect.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      April 12, 2011 at 9:53 pm

      Oh please let someone else admit t is not just mine…..

      Reply
  7. Justine says

    April 12, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    LOL one of them days?
    I am having them often, I was just thinking today god how much easier was one!
    I have a 5 year old not sure how I would cope with 2, 5 year olds!
    *hats off to you*

    Justine x

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      April 12, 2011 at 9:52 pm

      if you ever want to have a test run……

      Reply
  8. sarsm says

    April 16, 2011 at 7:42 am

    I admit. It’s not just yours. It’s mine too. Though none of them are 5. One of them is 4. Another is 10. Another is 12 and yet another is 15.

    They still ask are we nearly there yet…

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      April 16, 2011 at 11:35 am

      Phew!

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Jane is a working Mum of three and has great hair. One of these things may not be true.

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 10,117 other subscribers

Categories

  • All Posts
  • BB's journey with DDH
  • Breastfeeding
  • mummyblog
  • Paleo / Crossfitting
  • Reviews / Featured Content
  • Travel / Out and About
  • Twin Girl and Type 1 Diabetes
  • Uncategorized

Tots 100

TOTS100 - UK Parent Blogs
TOTS100

Search

Follow on Bloglovin

Follow on Bloglovin

Previously on northernmum….

Awards!

Tots100 MAD Blog Awards

Looking to Save Money?

Check out my thrify blog, full of ideas to eat and play well  – for less money!

www.fromspendingtosaving.co.uk

Northern Mum

Copyright © 2019 Northern Mum Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three
Site design with help from DigitalJen

Copyright © 2021 · Slush Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.Accept Read More
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.

SAVE & ACCEPT