Tonight was a turning point for me, I surprised and disappointed myself, I used the ultimate ridiculous threat.
Twin boy and I had a falling out. He was so naughty that I couldn’t even shout. In fact I went to the other extreme and used my super quiet growl, the one that sets the dogs hair on edge.
In fact my choices were use the growl or attempt a Homer and Bart moment. Because of the laws around choking your child in the UK I found the growl more appropriate for the occasion however I think Homer’s infamous choking hold may have offered me more satisfaction.
(Again its a crime to do it people but not to think it!)
But do you know even the super scary mum growl is completely ineffective against twin boy. He just doesn’t care about getting into trouble. As I crouched down on his level (just as Jo Jo says to) explaining why his behaviour (not him just his sodding behaviour) was bang out of order he merely grinned like an imp and swung his hips whilst trying to turn his jumper into Batman’s cape.
“Sorry mum”. I heard from somewhere inside his top, in a voice that clearly wanted to say “am only sorry I got caught and let’s speed up the telling off bit as twin girl is pretending to be The Joker downstairs and I need to zap her with my supercool invisible gun.”
“It’s not good enough.” I retorted trying to extract his head through an arm hole.
But he’d gone, in the few short seconds I had lost eye contact twin boy had forgotten what had made me so cross and instead he was off in his own fantasy land fighting baddy mummies who wouldn’t let him play.
However I have lost my childhood ability to pop off to Neverneverland at a moments notice and was still bloody furious; so I began to list my punishments, intending originally to only issue one but since my clever clogs five-year old had an answer for everything I decided to add a few more.
“No scooter for a week.” Me
“You said it would rain anyway” TB
“No watching Batman for a month.” Me
“I’m Batman I don’t need to watch me, zap zap baddy mummy.” TB
“Fine, no chocolate for a year.” Me in a slightly high pitched tone
“Don’t like chocolate anyway I’ll have sweets.” TB in a normal I don’t care what you say voice.
“Fine, I am telling your father what you did.” Me
Silence
More silence
Silence broken by wails of remorse and full begging on his knees for me to keep his naughtiness a secret!
Well I don’t get it. Firstly how have I run out of decent punishments so that I have had to play the dad card and secondly when did he who helped create them turn into something to fear?
I want to be feared!
I get laughed at and mocked and zapped by a supercool invisible gun. He who helped create them has done nothing to earn this reputation, I have put hours of practice into my different shouts and growls, and it seems I am merely a spectre of ridicule; not even fit to play a real Batman baddy. But he who helped create them he gets star billing. He is the equivalent of Voldemort to Harry, Darth to Luke, Robbie Rotten to that pink haired chick.
Note to self: must try harder
Second note to self: use the line ‘just waits till your father gets home with caution, don’t over use it, it seems to bloody well work!’
I am feared in school, I would rather they fear me than think I am a pushover! It’s ok though because once I teach them, they realise that I am a big softie
Awwwwww! any way tips please!
I envy the fear factor too. Sadly don’t have it either. Maybe I need to be absent more often?
It is so unfair, I am off to work a 50 hour week and just going to pop in at weekends!
What has he done to earn the fear that is amazing whatever it is xx
When my mum said that to us it made us quake in our little shoes! My dad never actually yelled, just a glare would do.. still not sure why, my dads a big softie!! 🙂
Exactly,
I dont know why they are scared of him it is not like he comes in at night swinging his baseball bat!
Dad is the ‘player’ in our house they adore him!
This made me laugh, the bit ‘I am Batman’ !! I have got the same problem with my middle child – she has the syndrome for sure. It is THE reason why I said I would never have 3 kids but then I went and did it. I use the dad line all the time as I have done that much shouting over the years my voice doesn’t reach the same decibel as it did once and he is good at raising his. Middle child does not care what punishment she gets she never flinches, rarely cries and is basically a bit wierd. If you sent her to bed at 6pm she would sleep till morning and you wouldn’t hear a peep from her – how about that? x
Is basically a bit wierd? oh the loving way we discuss our children!
I count TB as middle child as he was second born twin, must be a middle thing
Brilliant post as ever and yes don’t overuse it!
i wont!
Well at least something worked! Sounds like my4yo.
bet it doesnt last for long!
My mum used to use that. It work on us too. But the main down fall was (and still is) a lorry driver and was only home at the weekend. Mum probably only used it on a thurs/ Friday.
I suspect that when my mini one is old enough to threaten the “wait till daddy gets home” will be met with much laughter from both of us
funny stuff
Sometimes I pick up the phone to ring DH to tell him. And sometimes I even threaten to ring their teachers and ‘discuss’ their behaviour with them.
The older one can now be threatened with, I’m going to put what you did on Facebook!
As someone said, the trick is to use it sparingly.
I always thought I would be the strict one. Turns out I am as limp as a week old lettuce with as much backbone as a worm. Mum remembers threatening me (yes I am middle child) with wait till you father gets home! Followed by my ‘why what’s he bringing me?’. Don’t know why she used that threat she could just as easily of used ‘the look’!!!
you big wuss!
I have a super quiet growl too. It can make even my husband shake in his boots.
scary!
I suspect it is the whole ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ thing…they know you inside out, they know your buttons, they know your reactions…the unknown or less-known is always a little more scary…
Something that always stops MiniMe in her tracks, is to essentially do what that brilliant advert did with the mother in the supermarket who threw herself on the floor and had a tantrum…I go into melodramatic overdrive imitating MiniMe…and she can never help herself but stop and laugh…has never failed, although again, one to use sparingly perhaps!
However, I must also confess that despite MiniMe’s father being absent from our lives, I have actually invoked my brother as a threat…MiniMe’s Uncle ****** who certainly hasn’t done anyting to deserve that! Invoking the closest older male relative as a threat is clearly hard-wired in us! I can only apologise for my behaviour.
E x
http://philosopher-without-a-cause.blogspot.com/
Apology is accepted!
hard wired or faulty wiring?
Phew, someone else just like me… I wanted to be the feared one, but never quite managed it, instead my little girl looks at me worriedly and says, “please don’t tell Daddy…” And it’s not even as if he’s scary!! I have resisted using the Wait Til your Father gets home but I fear it’s only a matter of time!
use it wisely!
Classic post!! I remember my mum always using that line “wait till your dad gets home” and we always panicked. But when I look back, my dad was hardly there when we were growing up as he was always so busy; my mum did all the childcare.
I don’t know why dads seem to be more fearful than mums. It irritates me somewhat that most dads spend a couple of hours maximum with their children each day and are hailed hero’s, fun and “I want”. But mums spend every hour God sends with their children and are seen as the baddy. Why is that?
CJ xx
It is the curse of motherhood……