As a blogger I get some lovely requests to run competitions and some get me rather excited. This competition is one of them..
Uncategorized
To a Teen…
Dear teenaged self,
For the love of god take that bloody hideous over sized Manic Street Preachers T-Shirt off and burn the indie flowery skirt. Enjoy the sensation of having a stomach that doesn’t ripple when you laugh and fold over the top of your jeans, wherever possible expose it by wearing crop t-shirts or bikinis – even when it is cold.
living with Mary feckin Poppins
The chap I married is not a morning person. He takes exception every morning to having a five year old creeping into his room between five and seven and asking in a booming voice,
“Is it waking up time yet?”
He typically does a strong impression of a corpse at this point in order to not have to deal with said child. I can physically feel his body freeze into rigor mortis as the door handle starts to turn.
“not there lad”: why a southerner should not drink in the north
A couple of years ago we had been out in t’north. We don’t go out in the south often because once we have covered the babysitting cost we only have enough left for a cup of tea each and we normally have tea bags and water at home so it seems a bit pointless. But when staying in my parental home we tend to go out a fair bit as grandparents make excellent free childcare providers.
Parenting: I look like Death……
My home looks like it was ransacked by aliens, my skin is pale, the laundry basket is neglected and is shouting its annoyance by allowing underpants and uniforms to spill out under the lid and thus mocking my incompetence. Last nights dishes are still piled in the sink growing a soft covering of fur on the remains of that evenings ready meal. The baby is sporting the heavy nappy look as I try to imagine contemplating the task of changing her and the twins look like they have been dueling with the Gruffalo as their faces assume a bruised look from the remains of yesterdays face painting.