Smears, Covid and ones Lady Garden…..

It has been a dilemma.

Being called for a smear in Covid times, as a single woman, during a third lockdown caused me some significant anguish.

I mean, how does one prep ones vagina for a smear under the new regime.

So,

The rules are clear.

Meet one friend for exercise and socially distance.  It must be outdoors, and last time I checked, the average temperature is around 2 degrees.

So, said exercise companion has no reason to stare at your lady garden.

Plus as a single person, in lockdown, no one has any opportunity to gaze at my bearded clam right now.

Boris has not quite come out and said it yet – but shagging some fella off Tinder is quite certainly a no go in these days.

Are you seeing my dilemma>

If I turn up to my smear, immaculately presented, with a cute little curly sue crop top.  I am basically inviting the police to my door.

No way will the nurse think I have presented myself just for her.  For christ sakes, I am working full time and home educating (providing wifi) three kids.

But on the flip side – if I turn up with a forest of overgrown roots and uncombed hedgerows – they may also call the support team because I am letting myself go in these challenging times.

How does one win?

Is there such thing as a quick short back and sides for ones squirrel tale?

Where it is tidy, but you leave the odd curly strand here and there, to show don’t really care?

Or does that level of consideration still suggest your badgers armpit is still on show, and therefore you are clearly breaking Covid rules and must have a bit of fluff on the side who spends times glaring at your love city

The dilemma is real single ladies.

Groomed – indicates attention is being given when attention is simply not allowed – unless outside from a two metre distance.  Not in a garden, but in a public space – which I think still falls under not allowed, and a whole new legal area.

Immaculate – clearly flaunting all the rules and getting some – also clearly not me.

Wild and unkempt – possible new case for the mental health team; who shows up to a smear with a full on vagina sweater, unless they are not coping at all well.

I had to make a choice.

Which one would you make?