Dear Helen Fielding,
The return of Bridget Jones must be on the cards….
Picture the scene, its 2021. Old Darcy has buggered off, the reality of three kids and a wife with a fluctuating waistline is all too much and Bridget is back solo, but with three little cherubs for company. The house is tiny, the children massive, in normal times, it all works, but in Covid……
Covid has been been present for almost a year, and Bridget, tied to a freelance career has been juggling the mesh of home schooling, and work for almost 11 months and the signs are showing….
Bridget, your general law abiding citizen is struggling with her tween. Who frequently questions about why Costas are open and schools are closed, and has taken to yelling at B&M when they drive past calling Bastards – a term she undoubtedly picked up from her mother. Sometimes, Bridget tries to work this rather sensible query into home schooling – so when the tween poses it as a statement, Bridget reveals that no question is literally posed in the sentence, the syntax of which is declarative — so interrogative punctuation is not appropriate.
The tween promptly responds that that makes bugger all sense and Mum must stop trying to google her schoolwork after she has had gin.
Christmas for Bridget and the kids was a sedate affair, Darcy had the kids for a couple of days where Bridget looked to social media for inspiration as to what to do with her time and quickly realised that is she wasn’t a master of macabre after two days, nor had she redecorated at least four rooms she was in fact a failure.
So Bridget turned off social media and returned back to gin, and declared herself in a legal bubble with her best friend, Jude.
When the kids came home, nothing had been done, except for a few stands on the scales where immense weight gain since lockdown 1.0 was continuously confirmed. Bridget did write this in her diary, using alliteration to exasperate the point (also learnt from the 10 year olds Teams videos.)
As we enter 2021, the scene can turn to one of hope; the PM has said schools will definitely go back, and another lockdown will be fatal. Bridget, who in all honesty was halfway to cuckooland at the best of times, would have been immensely relieved. Mainly because when you are a self employed single parent, you cannot furlough yourself nor home school your children. All you can do is fail; epically. Even Bridget’s folks with their helpful nature, couldn’t help out – because they of course would be shielding…..
So Helen, if you are reading this, the book could start in January 2021, with Bridget swearing eloquently at the TV as with 12 hours notice, the schools are closed, every one is trapped in a house together and Matt Hancock is grinning with glee with delight at once more, fucking it all up.
If Helen, you need more suggestions I can probably keep going.
We could watch Bridget as she battles through January, with a keen eye on half term as a saving date – but then watch as her sanity starts to drift when Gavin Williamson spluttered without any concrete wording that he hoped schools would be back before Easter. Then promptly followed by Hancock in his tiny little red room that he hoped schools would go back after Easter.
I suspect you may want to enhance Bridget’s language when she yells at the news that no one has actually stood up and said February isn’t happening – and Williamson and Hancock are merely chipping away at her mental health with the ifs, buts and maybes.
I suspect the story line can cover the usual Bridget weight gain, none of the 10 stone crap tho Helen. Bridget needs to get massive in this one for it to seem realistic. I’d advise the same for the drink.
If you need a second writer to help out, or indeed to base the story on; simply give me a bell.