A Villa of Vaseline: Cycling Crossfitters…..

If you Google CrossFit, the internet will throw back these kind of statements at you…

Forging Elite Fitness

CrossFit is a strength and conditioning program defined as constantly varied, functional movements, executed at high intensity.

Fittest in the world

Athletes

I am a CrossFitter, whilst I don’t profess to be the fittest in the world, I do train (outside of holidays) three to four times a week, and consider myself to be fit (with body fat.)

I am on holiday with four CrossFitters, three of which are personal trainers.

Whilst we are not CrossFitting on holiday, the plan has been to remain active, get in some functional fitness and not let our fitness evaporate over a week.

I booked us some fun things to do, and got us bikes for the week, Moilet-et-Maa is easy to explore on two wheels and I thought it would be fun to see France in a way that elevates the heart rate and gets us from A to B.

Plus, we are CrossFitters so cycling should be a breeze.

Most of us can lift our body weight in one movement or another with a barbell, and burpees are our best friend.

We train on an assault bike – which is exactly as it sounds – assaulting.

So five ladies bikes should be a walk in the park……..

Ahem…

You would think I had subjected these women to an hour of red hot pokers up their rectum yesterday, rather than a leisurely cycle out to Leon.  The moans that have come out of their mouths sound like we are filming a porn show, and the general hatred of the bikes seems to consensual.

Ask them to knock out a complex “cluster” on a barbell and they will do 5.  Ask them to change gears whilst riding and they will look at you as if you have suddenly grown spock ears and starting speaking Star Trek.  Feet fly wildly off pedals, gears clunk like they are playing in a brass band and the swerving is stupendous.

Show them a hill in the distance and watch their faces fall into sadness..

Put us (ok – I have to include myself) on a bike and the only thing functioning is our ability to order a vodka tonic in French when we reach the next bar and find an excuse to stop.

CrossFitters on bikes are akin to a fish on a skateboard.

We flap a lot.

One woman took it up a notch and loaded her basket with a handbag full of what felt like 10kg plates.  She almost took out four cars at a roundabout and is still walking John Wayne style.

One confessed to have a strong fear of bikes, but has bravely overcome it.  Her secret to success is found in vodka, and she was last heard shouting “wheeeeeeeee” as she cascaded down a hill, pickled as a newt.

Another took one look at her bike before we set out for our evening meal, walked back inside and grabbed the car keys sighing “I just can’t face it.”

Crossfitters we are, cyclists we are not.

Bonkers on bikes with broken rumps.

This is a villa of vaseline.

 

I’ll save our story of the horse riding for another blog……