My daughter chose to spend her 5th birthday at an indoor Trampoline Park, her older brother and sister were delighted, the three of them are all partial to a bit of bouncing.
I live by the motto that to be active is to be alive, and I like to prove that anything my children can do, well, I can do as well.
In this case….
I was wrong.
Adults should not bounce.
These are reasons as to why…
1. You will look like a nob.
There is no kinder way of describing it. The kids will be leaping around on invisible pogo sticks, somersaulting through the air and making it look easy. You will approach the canvas with trepidation whilst toddlers boing past you. You will inspect the steel strings for safety, because you are an adult – and safety is important.
Before you even put toe to trampoline you will look like a nob to all the other children in the park.
2. When you eventually bounce, you will look like an ass
Yup, when you finally trust the safety mechanism of the trampoline and tenderly place your feet upon it, you will instantly turn into an ass. Your baby bounces will look comical next to your childs foolhardy circus tricks and soon you will realise that 98% of the other bouncers are at least half your age, if not substantially more.
In an effort to try to be cool your jumping will increase from miniscule to small leaps… then….
3. Your pelvic floor will give way
Remember those children you brought to the trampoline park with you? Well, when they lived inside you for nine months they did irreparable damage to your bladder. Women who have birthed babies simply should not bounce without excess padding in their undercarriage.
Just trust me on this one.
4. Eventually you will gain confidence
With your nether regions padded, you may be foolish enough to step back onto the trampoline.
Big mistake.
Once the fear of piddling through your pants is removed you may be struck by a sudden sense of ‘I can do this.’
You can’t.
Locking eyes with the only one other adult in the room you will be tempted to show off.
Your tender bounces will progress to little leaps, your little leaps with turn to straight legged pencil jumps, then suddenly with a nod to your fellow grown up, nob looking new friend, you will issue a silent challenge and bounce from your feet, to your knees, and back up again.
5. You will think you look the dog’s bollocks – you don’t – revert back to points one and two.
Plus your back will start to ache.
6. The you will engage in some weird adult tramp off.
After setting the bar with a feet to knee to feet jump, you will have effectively laid down the gauntlet. Your nob looking new friend will join in with a nifty feet jump to sitting jump to back to feet jump, all the time staring you in the eye. They will also think they are the King of the Trampoline Park, you may want to refer them to points one and two.
7. You will copy them, you simply can’t help yourself.
And feet jump to sitting jump to back to feet jump is a complex manoeuvre for any one over the age of ten. Clearly the ass looking adult was a former gymnast in their youth, copying them will only serve to knock your back out completly and send you running back to the ladies in need of more padding.
Whilst you both look like nobs, he will be the more successful in the tramp off.
8. You will leave embarrassed
…and hobbling, your kids won’t even bother to hide their smirks.
And that my friends, is why adults should not join in at Trampoline Parks.
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Oh my, how I laughed at this! I also don’t bounce, but more out of fear of giving myself a couple of black eyes!
Congrats on the MADS lovely, really well deserved. I’ll be voting this morning *winks*
x
After jumping on my nieces trampoline and nearly wetting myself in front of the whole bbq going to a trampoline park is my worst nightmare! I dont think there are any near me but I’m in no rush to find out! x
i love trampolining. I keep spare tena lady in the car, I may look like a knob but I don’t care. I’d go every week if I hadn’t just torn all of the ligaments in both of my ankles trying to impress my 5 year old. So yeah. You are right. GOD DAMN IT I USED TO BE COOL!!
Congrats on the mads x x x
Oh yes, I’ve experienced most of those at adult gymnastics. The name suggests there are no children there, but I’m classing teenagers in that category who must look at me with amazement as I’m still learning to do a handstand and regularly visit to the toilet.
But on the other hand I don’t care as I’m building up muscle, gaining some coordination and confidence.
great post, that ‘s all i need
I have to ask something almost a year ago I went to a trampoline park for my nephew’s 5th birthday party and I discovered that no adults are allowed on trampolines and I was upset that I couldn’t jump with my nieces and nephews and other kids cause they said “I’d get hurt or I’ll be in trouble with the employees and I felt left out of the fun and they had nothing for adults and I had to sit with the other adults which was so friggin boring and that was back in November of 2017.
Is this another reason some adults shouldn’t go to trampoline parks and if I also bounced I might look like a noob cause I’m an adult or get in trouble with the employees or get hurt?
You can tell the writer of this was either satirical or fat.
People with low self esteem, lack of confidence and low assertiveness care deeply for what others think of them, therefor refraining from living their lives to the full… their fear keeps them from reallky being trully happy. I am 48, look 38, NOT fat, and I certainly don’t look or feel a nob on a tramp… because all my life I have tried new things, not feeling fear of riskinging the “nob efdect”stayed fit… and don’t care what others think about me. Trampolines are wonderful for adult excercise, and a valuable anti cancer tool because bouncing helps internal organs that tend to prolapse due to gravity.