At times I feel like a right mardy arse, December arrives and my Christmas excitement grows but, as is par for the course I start to look forward to putting the previous year behind me and starting afresh.
It seems like every December I dwell on the shite that popped up throughout the year and forget all the joy that the twelve months gave me.
This year being no exception.
When I reflect on the year, all that seems to stick out in memory is that my daughter spent half the year limping around on crutches plagued by an invisible pain and the fact that my marriage finally died on its arse.
It is getting a bit boring having crappy years. But the temptation to drown in a five-year long cocktail of Diabetes, Hip dysplasia, Epilepsy, CRPS, hypoglycemia and divorce is often overwhelming. I am not ashamed to admit that once or twice a year it simply climbs on top of me and tries to suffocate me with sadness for things never going the way I planned.
But….
If I force myself; if I try really hard; I can see the good in 2014.
It was the year I shed most of my belly, where I replaced my love of fish and chips with mussels and sweet potatoes. It was the year where my oldest girl fought a tremendous battle with an agonising pain and learnt to run again. My youngest daughter walked into her first day of school without a sign of a limp and my son continues to grow in character, wit and strength.
2014 was our first time vacationing as merely a mum and her kids, and we had a ball.
It was the year I found CrossFit and managed to deadlift 100kg within my first six months.
It was a year fraught with tough times, juxtaposed next to some amazing achievements.
It was simply a normal year.
Perhaps it is not healthy trying to reject one year with the promise of the next. Blaming the months for misfortune seems to be passing the buck. If life was easy, then it would be stupidly boring.
Some days have been more of a challenge than others, some weeks have been incredible.
When I remember 2014, I will always remember it as a time of change, tears, laughs and smiles.
I can’t blame a year for all that went wrong, so I will celebrate its passing and raise a toast as we wave it goodbye.
Bring on 2015, we are ready and waiting.
I so know what you mean about this time of year. I get very reflective and tend to dwell on the bad stuff, and to be fair I have had a pretty shit couple of years in the grand scheme of things, but I have to make a conscious effort to plaster my ‘Festive Face’ on for the kids. I don’t have any particular advice or words of wisdom to offer, other than to say that I think you’re an unbelievably kick-ass lady and that deadlifting 100kg is a HUGE achievement! Here’s to an excellent 2015 for your gorgeous family.
I’m so sorry you’ve had such a rough few years Jane. Here’s hoping 2015 brings you all health and happiness. xxx
What a year Jane. I have no wise words either, only that I’ll kick 2014 well into the distance with you. Here’s to 2015.
You sound like me except a different set of shit!
Looking back & looking forward seem quite frankly pointless or at least never achieve anything and feeling sorry for yourself well where are we going to find the time or energy or that.
So like you, you plaster on your smile and hope it stays there!
I am currently reading ‘Stop thinking , start living’ because I truly over think everything, re-live past crap, make future crap up etc etc. So for me it is a good read.
Here is for 2015 to contain more shine and less shit! xxxx
You are allowed to dwell. But then you have to slap yourself round the face, remind yourself that you are freakin’ awesome, and keep on keeping on being the Queen of Awesome to your kids, the woman who puts the Wit in the Internet and the all-round fabulous and inspiring woman that you are. Because you are, you know. The fact that you deal with all this shit and keep moving forward is inspirational to all the others- me included- who would allow themselves to be swallowed whole by the black pain of bad experiences- yet who see you and think “Holy Cow! I want to be here: and if she can deal with all *that* then what the hell have I got to complain about??”
YOu are awesome. And I love you. May 2015 totally kick your life into a high-fallutin’, high jinxin’, winner of a year.
Ah Jane it doesn’t take away how much you’ve been through, and what an awful hand you’ve had this year, but you are an inspiration to me. I agree that superlatives and endings are no good. Maddie came out of school on the last day of the summer term and said it would be the best summer ever. It turned out to be the worst we could have imagined. It’s difficult to wipe that memory, but I know that in time we will cover it over with lots of wonderful memories, and it will just become a small part of the fabric of our family history. Same for you, I know. Love you x
I tend to feel very tired at this time of year and a compulsive need to clear the decks before the New Year starts – I find it clears my head. It’s natural to reflect at this time of year – it’s part of the preparation of letting go of the old year and getting ready for the new. You’ve been dealt a really shitty hand this year and I truly hope that 2015 steam rollers over the last five years – not to say that those years haven’t produced wonder and happiness – of course they have – just that I hope 2015 deals you a softer hand : my goodness you deserve it in spades. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas. You are an amazing woman and an incredible mother. I wish you tonnes of strength and happiness for you and your gorgeous children for the coming year. Big love and hugs. XXX
Mussels for muscles! That could catch on you know. Big love, glad you’ve stopped whining now.
Clearly, you’ve not spent enough time with me. X
What a year you have had but being fit and healthy really will help you and you inspire me next year no matter what happen I am going to take care of myself
I love this. All so true – ups and downs, swings and roundabouts. And I for one think you are amazing. Here’s to kicking some ass in 2015!