I have always had the greatest respect for single parents.
I never expected to become one.
Like every nervous bride on their wedding day I uttered my vows and meant them, and he who helped create them did the same.
When we brought children into the world, our lives became complete and fragmented all in a moment. Money pressures became tougher, the fragility of the girls health issues caused a strain never felt before.
Then gradually, a fair few months ago now, we realised with broken hearts that our happy ever after was not to be with each other.
And life continued, with a commitment to be the best parents we can be together whilst living apart. I am still a super mum (although Tesco’s stubbornly refuse to acknowledge this year on year) and he is still a great Dad. The removal of a wedding ring and change of name hasn’t altered our parenting style.
It has been a confusing time, I have cried out at least a small lake onto my sofa whilst also discovering a new social life with my every other weekend off.
I visited a reflexologist in September who forced a chuckle from my lips when after a brief examination of my feet, she asked how recent my separation was.
Apparently the wear and tear from dancing the night away showed on my tootsies plus the smell of martinis seeping through my skin….
I did have a good weekend before meeting her….
Single parenting has thrown some unexpected curve balls my way. It would appear I match the stereotype of a useless female far more than I realised. My achievements through the summer months consisted of learning to mow my own lawn (and refill the mower with the right petrol).
I won’t lie to you, I celebrated with Prosecco that night.
I have managed to install a new TV, let’s not mention the month that we lived without whilst I sat night after night surrounded by wires and remotes, f’ing and blinding at the black screen that refused to bow to my will.
It works now.
However the light bulbs in my bathroom are dying at speed and the fixtures seem impossible to open. I put my makeup on in front of the bathroom mirror last week, with the strength of one last 40 watt bulb. It was only when I got to the office I realised I had gone to the extreme with my bronzer and looked like an extra from TOWIE.
A true low point was changing the toilet seat…. the new one lasted a week before collapsing on its hinges and breaking in two. I may have sobbed into the bowl for a while before dusting myself off and trying a new one.
Be warned if you ever come to tea at ours, lower yourself gently onto the throne as the loo is still adverse to sudden movements.
Whilst I appreciate your marriage ending doesn’t incur a huge amount of benefits, I must I thought sleeping alone would be a small one.
I have never been a great sharer, and prefer to sleep starfish shapes across a large kind sized bed. However, it would seem since returning to my single status, someone issued a memo to the kids and the kittens that my bed is up for rent and they have all been taking turns viewing it nightly.
I have never been more uncomfortable in bed, it is a tangle of legs, tails and the unprecedented never ending fear of someone wetting. Kitten or child, I imagine both to be equally as unpleasant!
But aside from these few technical hitches, life is not so bad. The kids seem to be adjusting, they seem to realise we still love them to the moon and back again.
Friends and family have been great, despite people automatically tilting their head to one side when asking how I am…. I do worry that my marital breakdown has been the cause of some cricked necks in my local area.
And I felt I needed to write this down, I have been sharing my life’s adventures online for over four years, and this is the start of the next chapter.
And so the story continues..
I’m so sorry you’re going through a really tough phase but you are a wonderfully lovely lady and a happily ever after will come, even if it’s in a shape and size you didn’t expect. For now I am sending you lots of huggy vibes and thinking of you xx
Thanks beautiful
As someone who has been there and got the t-shirt (and a few broken heels), I won’t be the one with the cricked neck, I will be the one saluting you for your strength. I know its not easy but it does get better. It’s crap when people say that and I apologise for being another person to say it, but it does.
You are an amazing mum, a brilliant writer and all round lovely person. Happy endings can come in different shapes and sizes and I am more than sure you will find a new one xx
Brava!
Keep on going as you are and it will get better and better. You’ll find yourself getting stronger and more confident.
Wishing you all sorts of loveliness in 2015 xxx
Only you could find the funny in a post like this, and it’s yet another reason why I love you! PS. Bagsie I’m in your bed next time I come to stay – sounds comfier than the sofa bed! xxx
Rock on xx
aaww Jane, so sorry things haven’t worked out the way that was planned but it’s good to see that you’re both still focused on parenting together (that sounds a bit blah but I hope you know what I mean x
Jane, so sorry things didn’t work out the way you planned, but here’s hoping this is the start of a new chapter that is better for both of you individually.
Ooops, pressed “post” too early, meant to add “…and for all of you as a family”
Just hugs.
Face it, you’re doing better at this single parenting lark than me, and I’ve been doing it ten times longer. You must come to our next bloggy dinner and tell me the secret of these elusive nights out and social shenanigans because I’m buggered if I’ve got that side of things even close to sorted right now.
Much love, TT. You’re amazing.
Love to you. And there’s a satisfaction in things like doing the air in tyres and sorting stuff out yourself which is unexpected and lovely. And what my sister calls “the cocked heads” do stop in the end! Here’s to the next part. xxx
Sounds like you’re doing ok. I usually end up changing the loo seat, and it drives me mad how manufacturers can’t make one that will last the test of time with kids.
You can do this. You can do ANYTHING. You are strong and amazing xXx
I’m with Molly. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this but I love that you’ve still found the funny in a tough time. Thanks for continuing to share your journey. It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job. Your kids are blessed to have parents who keep their eyes on them.
So sorry to read this. I’ve been there (not divorce but separating with my lg’s father who she rarely see’s now). Glad you get weekends off though and have been getting to spend more time with friends. Thinking of you …and well done with those achievements! Not easy when you’ve never done it before….there’s a lot to adjust to…. xx
Not everything works out the way we planned but you are doing the best thing for your kids and that’s what matters most. It’s amazing what we can turn our hand to though isn’t it? Next you’ll be changing the oil in the car! Best wishes to you and your family x
So sorry to read this and hope you have lots of support, it really helps xx
Jane, I’ve recently separated from my husband also, we sold up and went separate ways at beginning of September, although technically we separated this time last year… Slowly we’re all getting used to the new arrangements, kids go to their dads every other weekend and I’m making the most of my free weekends and seeing friends more regularly.
If ever you need to vent, you know where I am 🙂
I am so sorry to hear your happily ever after has faltered too. If I can do anything to help (and of course that is said with a crick in my neck!!) Finding your own independence again sucks and rocks in equal amounts. Good luck
This blog post brought a tear to my eye and a smile to my face at the same time – I’m sad that your happily ever after didn’t go as planned, but I’m happy that you’re on a new path to a new happily ever after. Onwards and upwards and Prosecco a-go-go xx
Wish I had some of your strength…. and wit 😉 Am sure though that despite the humour, there have been many tough times to get through recently, and that you’d rather not be doing all that boogying and drinking all that Martini… hang on in there, am guessing it gets easier with time 🙂
Me too. 7 kids, 18 year later we realised we had to split. My Decree Absolute came through last week and it’s onwards and upwards now. Sharing the bed with the dog is marginally harder then ex tho 😉
So sorry to read this Jane, but if anyone can embrace this with strength and humour you can! Big hug. Wishing you all the loveliest things for now and 2015 xxx
I am really sorry to read this Jane – bloody hell, I didn’t think life could throw any more at you….. I hope you’re okay behind your funny words. Much love to you – you rock, and even though we can never predict what life holds in store I am still holding out that something amazing is waiting for you just around the corner! XXX
Jane, I’m so sorry things haven’t worked out, but you are AMAZING and your children are very lucky to have such a strong, funny and fantastic Mum. xxx
Ah Jane I didn’t know sorry love. Best of luck to you and blooming well done on that TV fixing I cant even change our lightbulbs ( not a good enough reason to stay married I know) Thinking of you