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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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Warning: Freakish content: do you agree?

Is it just me or does anyone else find children just that tiny bit freaky?

I have three of my own so I don’t feel that I am arguing without any fuel in my fire so to speak. It can’t just be me that is on occasion totally and utterly repelled by one of the short people brigade.

Take this morning for example; I was shaken into life from a deep Aurora like slumber by my six year old daughter.

“Mummy” she screeched like a hyperactive whistle; “Mummy, look what happened, look, look.”

My first thought was, how cruel, she has lived with me long enough to know that without my contact lenses or cracked spectacles I am incapable of looking at anything first thing in the morning. Which, by the way, is a massive benefit for he who helped create them;  normally he is showered and shaved before I have ‘put my eyes in’ so I have no idea what he looks like first thing.  God forbid I should ever have corrective eye surgery as I could roll over and see the man I married in his morning glory and run out of the bedroom into the street in only my jim jams screaming in horror.  Imagine the elderly neighbours reaction to that.

But I digress; once I got over the mother cruelty issue I pulled my eyes into a fierce squint that exacerbated the deep crease between my brows and tried to focus on what she was showing me.

The she dropped it…

Onto my chest…

A tooth, a tiny, bloody, root attached tooth.

How horrifically horrendous.

If something fell off me I wouldn’t clamber onto he who helped create them and bellow in his ear to show off my newly detached part.  When my nails break I put them in the bin, if an eyelash falls off I logically wish on it and buy a lotto card.  If it were something vital, like a tooth, I would be in the bathroom armed with superglue trying to stick it back on.  If at very worse case the part of me that was now separate would at least be cleaned and wispy tendril roots removed before popping it on display.

I honestly don’t care that a new tooth will grow in its place, if you poop in the morning the odds are a new piece of brown will form in its place and you will poop the next day but I don’t need to see the orginal on my chest at 6am.

Then the sheer irony of this debacle of common sense is I am expected to shell out for this bit of human waste.

I don’t want a tooth, I have a head full of them, and I don’t want to spend a pound on getting one that is also far too small to fit in my great gob.  I would quite happily see a tooth fairy effigy burned at the stake to put an end to this perpetual nonsense.

So I confess, I am not a fan of teeth and I find kids freaky.

That is all.

Comments

  1. michelle twin mum says

    November 14, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    Hmm we just had the first tooth with Miss M and I am pleased to say it fell out at school, so they packaged it up nicely for me – end of!

    Mich x

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:51 pm

      did they pay her?

      Reply
  2. Alyson Andrew says

    November 14, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    haha how about teeth like a shark.. ie 2 rows on the bottom – yep that freaked me out for a good year or so

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:51 pm

      ew ew ew !

      Reply
  3. Emma says

    November 14, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    brilliant! I have all this again to come with Erin

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:50 pm

      oh yes!

      Reply
  4. Mammasaurus says

    November 14, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    *boak* Not a fan of fallen out teeth either. Or poopy chests. Nope, not my bag…

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:50 pm

      we are so wise!

      Reply
  5. Middle-Aged Matron says

    November 15, 2012 at 9:29 am

    It gets worse. You just can’t get reliable tooth fairies these days. Many’s the time I’ve been woken by tears because the wretch forgot to call.

    Reply
    • Andrea says

      November 15, 2012 at 8:07 pm

      ha ha! I thought that only happened at our house… How very reassuring 🙂

      Reply
    • northernmum says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:50 pm

      poor deprived kids!

      Reply
  6. Emma @mummymummymum says

    November 15, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Ha ha, Z wiggles his and it freaks me out!

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:48 pm

      Its awful! gives me the heaviebeejivies

      Reply
  7. Expat Mum says

    November 15, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    There’s something about teeth with bits still attached isn’t there? Even when they’re wobbling loosely in the mouth, it still makes me go all queasy. Yuck!

    Reply
  8. older mum in a muddle says

    November 15, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    I remember when my first tooth fell out – it wasn’t long before I cottoned on what a scam this was, and started yanking all of the buggers out!

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:47 pm

      Youch! x

      Reply
  9. The Fool says

    November 16, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Thankfully mine aren’t yet old enough for such delights. But my wifes a childrens nurse, she honestly loves dealing with blood and puss, but waggle a toenail or tooth at her and she runs for the hills.

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:47 pm

      that just sounds horrid!

      Reply
  10. Sian says

    November 17, 2012 at 9:05 am

    the tooth fairy in your house must be very busy! ours has quite an easy life : )
    and re. the specs – it’s my other half who can’t see me first thing in the morning, yipee!!!!!

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:47 pm

      Lucky lucky lucky!

      Reply
  11. Steph says

    November 18, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    Am def with you on this. Body parts should be left where they are or put in the bin. End of. 😉

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:45 pm

      we should form a gang against loose body parts!

      Reply

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Jane is a working Mum of three and has great hair. One of these things may not be true.

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