Is it just me or does anyone else find children just that tiny bit freaky?
I have three of my own so I don’t feel that I am arguing without any fuel in my fire so to speak. It can’t just be me that is on occasion totally and utterly repelled by one of the short people brigade.
Take this morning for example; I was shaken into life from a deep Aurora like slumber by my six year old daughter.
“Mummy” she screeched like a hyperactive whistle; “Mummy, look what happened, look, look.”
My first thought was, how cruel, she has lived with me long enough to know that without my contact lenses or cracked spectacles I am incapable of looking at anything first thing in the morning. Which, by the way, is a massive benefit for he who helped create them; normally he is showered and shaved before I have ‘put my eyes in’ so I have no idea what he looks like first thing. God forbid I should ever have corrective eye surgery as I could roll over and see the man I married in his morning glory and run out of the bedroom into the street in only my jim jams screaming in horror. Imagine the elderly neighbours reaction to that.
But I digress; once I got over the mother cruelty issue I pulled my eyes into a fierce squint that exacerbated the deep crease between my brows and tried to focus on what she was showing me.
The she dropped it…
Onto my chest…
A tooth, a tiny, bloody, root attached tooth.
How horrifically horrendous.
If something fell off me I wouldn’t clamber onto he who helped create them and bellow in his ear to show off my newly detached part. When my nails break I put them in the bin, if an eyelash falls off I logically wish on it and buy a lotto card. If it were something vital, like a tooth, I would be in the bathroom armed with superglue trying to stick it back on. If at very worse case the part of me that was now separate would at least be cleaned and wispy tendril roots removed before popping it on display.
I honestly don’t care that a new tooth will grow in its place, if you poop in the morning the odds are a new piece of brown will form in its place and you will poop the next day but I don’t need to see the orginal on my chest at 6am.
Then the sheer irony of this debacle of common sense is I am expected to shell out for this bit of human waste.
I don’t want a tooth, I have a head full of them, and I don’t want to spend a pound on getting one that is also far too small to fit in my great gob. I would quite happily see a tooth fairy effigy burned at the stake to put an end to this perpetual nonsense.
So I confess, I am not a fan of teeth and I find kids freaky.
That is all.