I took BB to meet Peppa Pig.
I have to be honest I am not a fan of the over indulged, over fed, rather obese pink sausage but smallest adores her and I adore smallest so that’s that then.
We went to an ‘adventure park’ with all the family purely because Peppa was rocking up for a meet and greet, rumour had it that her fat little pig of a brother George was also making the trip.
The park was great, old school rides, hundreds of slides and fun was had by all.
Then it was time…
A militant looking woman took centre stage on the show boards. If you have ever wondered what happened to the Thomas Cook reps after they turn thirty then you now have your answer.
Firm instructions were given, the pink and blue bacon slices would be present on the stage for forty minutes in which an orderly queue must be formed. Each child would be allowed a nano second for a photo and then a parent was requested to shift them quickly before they had a chance to see the gaps in Peppa’s costume.
The music started.
Instantly my nerves set on edge and I had an urge to try and clean the house in six minutes which is typical for when Peppa graces the goggle box in our house.
Then out she came, squeezing through a human sized doorway the pig and her brother thumped onto the stage.
Suddenly mayhem erupted, children began to wave gleefully at their childhood idol but were suddenly ripped from their seats by over zealous parents.
A stampede of mothers began hurtling towards the pair of pigs whom I imagine were bricking it behind their over inflated costumes.
Calls of “I’m first, c’mon Courtney” were heard ringing through the park. BB was almost trampled to death by the mother of a boy called James and my flip flop feet took a real battering.
Then suddenly, like a teenager at a rally I became incensed and I am ashamed to say I joined the riot.
Using my buggy as a battering ram I fought tooth and nail for my spot in the queue. By God my kid would get to hold Peppa’s hand before the forty minutes were up. I lost out to a woman with twins whose double buggy shoved my pathetic one seater out of the way as if it were made out of feathers, but then I swooped in front of a mother and baby who made the rookie mistake of bending to retrieve a dropped dummy.
I got Twin boy to bump and bargain his way through the crowd. He suckered one kid with a marshmellow and leapt in his spot and to another he suggested Fireman Sam had been spotted over by the cafe and that child sprinted off eagerly his mother following with haste.
We secured a place.
My kid met Peppa, she was happy, this made me smile.
I did feel dirty afterwards….