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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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NHS – the new choice in luxury breaks…

We decided to stay an extra night. I chatted to BB about going home but we both felt that we were having such a good time in the NHS hotel it was worth staying longer.

 

For those of you looking to book an cost effective weekend break I can highly recommend it. The accommodation is pretty much unrivalled, Hilton could learn a trick or two. Each room is adorned with their own drapes and oxygen supply. You leave the travel cot at home as they are provided for free and if you ask super nicely you can get extra pillows gratis.

 

Relationships between guests is highly encouraged and for that reason walls between rooms have been removed completely. This morning I woke up to a bit of a handsome beggar sitting opposite me just watching me whilst I slept… Not odd in the slightest.

 

The mini bar is lacking which does dampen the environment somewhat; but they have a decent selection of fully legal drugs and nothing says relax like a quick hit of pethidine.

 

The food; it’s to die for. Today’s options were stew and smash, sandwich and smash, smash and peas or smash and beans; with jelly and smash for pudding – I have heard a rumour that tomorrows offerings will be of a similar nature; I could pee I am that excited.

 

For the kids there is no end to the entertainment. Today has found twin boy, twin girl and BB hooked up to their own portable tv with 1980’s head phones on, and the fun was maximised by them all yelling loudly across the ward to each other. There is a fully equipped play room but no door is locked here so when they tire of playing Guess Who they can spend hours playing hide and seek in theatres, having sword fights with scalpels and having olympic style commode races across the wide spacious walkways.

 

There is something here for the gentlemen. On hand for their viewing pleasure is twenty something after twenty something nurse. All fresh faced, waxed, and softly made up to perfection; each nurse comes with her own stethoscope, thermometer and latex clothes…

 

 

For those who prefer a bit of the other, there is a stern looking matron who patrols the ward silently, hair scraped back in a bun with a slash of red lipstick burning on her lips. She walks up and down looking for misuse of mobiles and cot sides being left dangerously down and when she finds it, she punishes…

 

The final clincher?

 

Free tea!

 

Forget coming home from your trip with munchkin sized shampoo and shower gel bottles. When I leave this joint I will be filling up a tesco bag with cups of warm value tea which can be reheated at leisure later.

 

NHS hospital – the new luxury hotel for families.

 

Just in case you were daft enough to think so this is not a sponsored post, but the NHS did provide my stay free of charge….

 

We are holidaying in the summer in Cornwall at Trevella Park – we are very very excited, I doubt the food will be anything like the NHS but heres hoping.

We will be officially reviewing the park and you can read about it in September but if you want to book a break yourself please use this 10% discount off all glamping, mobile homes and touring pitches at Trevella Park, for holidays taken between 27 April to 28 May 2012, 11 June to 14 July 2012, 3 Sept to 29 Oct 2012. To claim the offer, you need to use the offer code MUMS10, and book on the website www.trevella.co.uk.

Comments

  1. Ali says

    May 6, 2012 at 6:52 am

    Totally a big FUNNY there!!! Smile from start to finish and it’s this humour that get’s you through.
    Quick ask ,you mention the free tea umm spare bed next to you is there? 😉 Of course silly me probably full isn’t it!!!

    Take care and enjoy the rest of your stay xxx

    Reply
  2. northernmum says

    May 6, 2012 at 7:15 am

    I can squidge over ali x

    Reply
  3. Katie says

    May 6, 2012 at 8:00 am

    Haha how funny. Is there a long waiting list? I could do with a bit of a mini break. X

    Reply
    • jane says

      May 13, 2012 at 10:00 am

      I know how to bypass the waiting list….

      Reply
  4. Actually Mummy... says

    May 6, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Now you’re back!! There is the funny stuff! Oh dear, it is so stressful staying in hospital – are you coming home soon?

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      May 28, 2012 at 9:28 pm

      yes!

      Reply
  5. Lakes single mum says

    May 6, 2012 at 8:42 am

    Glad you came out smiling! Hope her knee mends soon

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      May 28, 2012 at 9:29 pm

      thanks x

      Reply
  6. Blue Sky says

    May 6, 2012 at 8:56 am

    You mean there’s no free coffee? I’m staying in Ireland then…(PS hope you escape soon xx)

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      May 28, 2012 at 9:29 pm

      ta x

      Reply
  7. sarahmumof3 says

    May 6, 2012 at 9:02 am

    ahh the good old NHS hospitality hope your all home soon x

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      May 28, 2012 at 9:29 pm

      cheers x

      Reply
  8. Molly says

    May 6, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Only you could make the funny from such a shite weekend Jane. I love you for it. x

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      May 28, 2012 at 9:29 pm

      bless me!

      Reply
  9. Helloitsgemma says

    May 6, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    Every cloud has a silver lining and yours appears to be lined with smash – nice!

    Reply
  10. Nickie says

    May 6, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    I want jelly and smash. Bring some with you next week to have with our gin!

    Reply
  11. liveotherwise says

    May 6, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    I want tea.

    Reply
  12. Emmys Mummy says

    May 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    Lol, i want dinner in bed.
    Sounds horrid as ever!

    Reply
  13. Pants With Names says

    May 6, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    Humour gets you through. Poor BB – hope she isn’t in too much pain now. xxx

    Reply
  14. LauraCYMFT says

    May 6, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    LOL love this! Great to read a light-hearted post amidst what is going on with BB. If you don’t laugh you’ll just cry. I’d be nipping to the local McDonalds (or other fast food providers) for my dinner though, don’t fancy smash at all!

    Reply
  15. Notmyyearoff says

    May 6, 2012 at 9:37 pm

    Hehee, reminded me of when I had to stay in after having z. Oh the smash! You should see Bolton hospital, it’s like stepping into Victorian times. Very very scary.

    Reply
  16. Super Amazing Mum says

    May 7, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    You are funny – glad you are out tomorrow. However I am slightly gutted for you that *your* NHS doesn’t have the unidentifiable thing in white sauce….some sort of fish??

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. BB: The final chapter - coming out of spica.... - Northern Mum says:
    May 16, 2012 at 11:28 am

    […] x rays showed nothing but movement was agony for my daughter and so we booked in for the night and she found solace in her fathers arms. My […]

    Reply

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Jane is a working Mum of three and has great hair. One of these things may not be true.

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