Too soon to know

by

Did I ever tell you about when we found out BB was coming?

August had been cruel, the memory of a miscarriage formed roots in our home, my womb ached with emptiness.  They told us to wait, I didn’t want to.  He who helped create them worried, could we face the loss of a baby again, were we strong enough, would another pregnancy unite or destroy us?

Four weeks had passed since I looked at a scan and saw a silent shadow.  My desire for a baby had not disappeared with my loss, I needed this child, a feeling of incomplete was swallowing me whole.

We talked, we cried, we agreed to try again.

It was a bright September morning, the sun woke me before the twins had a chance.  It was my birthday.

It was too soon to really know, far to early to take a gamble but desire to know drove me on.  I reached into the cupboard and pulled out a test, the second in a packet, the first had told me my unborn sleeping angel was growing inside me.

It was too soon to know but I did it anyway.  I placed the plastic strip of hope by the sink and walked away for three long minutes.  I stared at my family whilst they slept, I adored them from a distance.

I returned to the sink, picked up the test and looked into the window.

It was the sweetest birthday present a mother could have.

 

 

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20 thoughts on “Too soon to know”

  3. You always make me either laugh or cry and this one was the latter. What a beautiful post my lovely.

    xx

    p.s. LOVING the new look blog – gorgeous…the things people get up to when I’m off having a baby eh!

  5. Awwwwww. I kept all my sticks. I know it’s a bit euwww, but I did. Just a bit gutted that they didn’t have those new ones that say ‘pregnant’ I really want one of those! Hope I won’t end up regretting that statement!

  6. What a beautifully written reflection on such an emotional time. I was just reflecting tonight about the earliest days of finding out that I was expecting – it is a wondrous thing, huh?

  9. Awwww thats sooo lovely and so sweet. Its like peaceful harmony.
    When I found out, I shook like a leaf, told hubby, rung my mum and bawled down the phone worried about how I would ever look after a newborn baby. (hasten to add, for a very wanted baby).

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