I woke up with a roar this morning; my mood filthier than a sailors language. Every bite the kids took of their toast followed by every excruciatingly loud wet smacking swallow made me want to lay on the floor covering my ears kicking my legs like a tantruming toddler.
The world was against me, frost lay heavy on the car mocking he who helped create them as he furiously scraped and rubbed trying to get the vehicle roadworthy enough to deliver his Medusa style wife to work on time.
As I dressed I cursed my belly full of cake as I struggled into clothes meant for a woman of smaller size than me. My tights had the last laugh as they waited until they were secured around my middle, with the hidden stomach flattening panel doing a great job of hiding, then they revealed a ladder most fireman would be proud to climb meaning I had to start the whole act of dressing all over again.
The baby sobbed as her mother left her once more each cry a sorry reminder of the guilt ridden price us BOTTOM’s* have to pay.
In the car the twins squabbled, arguing over creatures from Monstro City and slowly picking at each other until their quarrels invoked my shout. Face red as a clowns squeaky uncomical nose and my temper flying I yelled like a banshee issuing some fantastical threats.
Still it seems the reality behind my melodramatic screams have been revealed as within five minutes the bickering resumes and my blood continued to simmer.
At the station I cursed those who ran for the train, crudely leaping in front of those of us who had sat waiting for its arrival punctually all hoping against hope that we would secure a tasty warm seat for our cold little bottoms.
Once on the train, I fought my way to seat and sat in it proudly. I bent to retrieve a paper as the carriage filled up around me and I chuckled to my self as I closed my eyes in comfort. Suddenly I heard a groan which disturbed my serenity and as I cracked open my eyes there it was; the next crappy thing to happen in a generally crappy morning.
A belly as wide as a sumo wrestler, squirming with arms and legs that were eager to break free of their sac. A woman continued to moan as she looked around for a haven for her and backside to rest. Eyes dropped in the carriage, the carpet became a source of great interest. No room at the inn, move along now my dear.
Bugger,
I raised from my seat and slowly, reluctantly took my place on my feet cradling my own bulging cake filled tummy.
“Thank you” she breathed as she dropped in my warm toasty chair. “Only two weeks to go till these two come out, its twins and I have an 18month old at home.” She said rubbing her tummy with a lovely naïve beam.
I walked away down the carriage thumping my bags chuttering at my own poor luck, then a smile began to crack through my lips.
It is important to remember that when life is a bit naff and you awake with a roar, someone is always worse off that you are. Currently that poor sod is currently sitting in my seat!
*BOTTOM – bugger off to the office mummy
That’s given me a lot of comfort. I was shrieking foul abuse at my pair this morning then realised the churchwarden was behind the study door. The whole business of seat surrender appalls me. I scrutinise immense bellies for long minutes, fearful that if I offer a seat, they’ll turn out to be not pregnant after all. And I agonise over pensioners, wondering if they’re old enough to be grateful or young enough to be offended. Worst is if an elderly man, still burdened by gallantry, insists on giving up his seat to me. It would be rude to refuse, but it’s torment watching him buffeted by the motion while I usurp him.
I get asked if I want to sit down alot – *puts cake down*
You are a star to give up your seat. Unlike the mother who shoved her teenage son into the only remaining seat when I was eight months pregnant and had to stand all the way from Maidenhead to Paddington.
Hope your day improved. You deserve it.
Thanks Liz
Possibly there’s bad karma in there somewhere. Once again *profers gin*
*takes gin*
An actual conversation which happened 2 minutes prior to me reading this post:
NLM: You’re not reading another bloody blog are you? What about spending some time with me?
Me: It’s Jane’s.
NLM: Oh. In that case… But that’s the last one tonight.
you hang on to that one! hes a keeper!
oh dear, did the day improve? xx
minorally!
You are so nice giving up your seat…. and “someone always worse off than you”, a statement, so very true indeed! Great piece of writing! Emma 🙂
thanks emma
You were indeed very good to give up your seat and a teast you ended up with a positive slant to your morning!
xx Jazzy
cheers
well done for giving up your seat! great post, as always!
Thanks Lorraine!
I don’t miss train journeys for that very reason but the whole seat thing used to fascinate me a lot!
see my next blog!
Naive indeed *evil chuckle*
only we know the truth!