I woke up with a roar this morning; my mood filthier than a sailors language. Every bite the kids took of their toast followed by every excruciatingly loud wet smacking swallow made me want to lay on the floor covering my ears kicking my legs like a tantruming toddler.
The world was against me, frost lay heavy on the car mocking he who helped create them as he furiously scraped and rubbed trying to get the vehicle roadworthy enough to deliver his Medusa style wife to work on time.
As I dressed I cursed my belly full of cake as I struggled into clothes meant for a woman of smaller size than me. My tights had the last laugh as they waited until they were secured around my middle, with the hidden stomach flattening panel doing a great job of hiding, then they revealed a ladder most fireman would be proud to climb meaning I had to start the whole act of dressing all over again.
The baby sobbed as her mother left her once more each cry a sorry reminder of the guilt ridden price us BOTTOM’s* have to pay.
In the car the twins squabbled, arguing over creatures from Monstro City and slowly picking at each other until their quarrels invoked my shout. Face red as a clowns squeaky uncomical nose and my temper flying I yelled like a banshee issuing some fantastical threats.
Still it seems the reality behind my melodramatic screams have been revealed as within five minutes the bickering resumes and my blood continued to simmer.
At the station I cursed those who ran for the train, crudely leaping in front of those of us who had sat waiting for its arrival punctually all hoping against hope that we would secure a tasty warm seat for our cold little bottoms.
Once on the train, I fought my way to seat and sat in it proudly. I bent to retrieve a paper as the carriage filled up around me and I chuckled to my self as I closed my eyes in comfort. Suddenly I heard a groan which disturbed my serenity and as I cracked open my eyes there it was; the next crappy thing to happen in a generally crappy morning.
A belly as wide as a sumo wrestler, squirming with arms and legs that were eager to break free of their sac. A woman continued to moan as she looked around for a haven for her and backside to rest. Eyes dropped in the carriage, the carpet became a source of great interest. No room at the inn, move along now my dear.
I raised from my seat and slowly, reluctantly took my place on my feet cradling my own bulging cake filled tummy.
“Thank you” she breathed as she dropped in my warm toasty chair. “Only two weeks to go till these two come out, its twins and I have an 18month old at home.” She said rubbing her tummy with a lovely naïve beam.
I walked away down the carriage thumping my bags chuttering at my own poor luck, then a smile began to crack through my lips.
It is important to remember that when life is a bit naff and you awake with a roar, someone is always worse off that you are. Currently that poor sod is currently sitting in my seat!
*BOTTOM – bugger off to the office mummy