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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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why I refuse to educate my kids…

6.06: the soft cries of mama mama from BB’s cot transcend into loud wails of hunger. I struggle from the soft comfort of my duvet and stumble blindly into her room to see her stood inside the cot arms outstretched lips already pouting for a kiss. Whispering morning into her fair, warm hair we silently tip toe back to my room taking care not to wake any more small or hairy people in the home.

6.10: BB lays quietly in my arms drinking her milk, my eyes start to close as I cuddle her close marvelling in her loveliness.

6.10: The bedroom door bursts open, chipping an extra inch out of the wall with the handle. Elephant footsteps boom across the floorboards, a small head leans over mine a massive voice enquires “Is it waking up time yet?”. BB sits up catching my chin with her small but incredibly hard skull and tears water in my eyes. I turn to Twin Boy, “not yet.” I hush “twenty more minutes.” He stomps his giant feet in frustration and the house trembles a little with fear, “no mummy, five more minutes” he booms. Hastily I agree and he disappears with a clash and a bang into his boudoir.

6.12: BB snuggles in once more, I chuckle knowingly into her hair, “it’s ok lovely” I croon “he can’t tell the time yet, we are safe for a while.”

6.17: (on the dot) the door bounces open threatening to jump off its hinges. A small person leaps onto the bed crushing my calf in the process sending shooting pains up and down my leg. Gleefully he practices trampolining by he who helped create them’s head. “It’s not been five minutes,” I splutter, lying to my child with a well practised ease.

“It has” he declares “I counted to sixty five times, just like you taught me.”

That’s it! I am stopping educating my kids, no good will come of it I tell you…

Comments

  1. Boatwife says

    September 22, 2011 at 7:35 am

    Brilliant. Very funny.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 22, 2011 at 2:00 pm

      Why thanks x

      Reply
  2. Everything Is Edible says

    September 22, 2011 at 7:49 am

    too funny!! Hope you get a sleep in soon though 🙂

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 22, 2011 at 2:01 pm

      I think I am about 14 years off one!

      Reply
  3. Mammasaurus says

    September 22, 2011 at 7:50 am

    As per usual you have me chuckling whilst simultaneously feeling your pain !

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 22, 2011 at 2:02 pm

      I aim to please you mrs x

      Reply
  4. toddlingintomadness says

    September 22, 2011 at 7:50 am

    LOL – must not teach the kids to count

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 22, 2011 at 2:02 pm

      Or spell as it stops you spelling things out in front of them!

      Reply
  5. Emma @mummymummymum says

    September 22, 2011 at 8:20 am

    Fantastic. Just what Z would do!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 22, 2011 at 2:03 pm

      Bright lad! You’ll have to knock that out of him

      Reply
  6. KatieB says

    September 22, 2011 at 8:21 am

    Love it, remind me never to teach mine how to tell the time!! ;0)

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 22, 2011 at 2:04 pm

      Keep em dim and you will sleep in! (Do you like what I did there!)

      Reply
  7. Muddling Along says

    September 22, 2011 at 9:34 am

    I agree – eduction can be a double-edged sword

    Power to the parents and all that

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 22, 2011 at 2:06 pm

      Yes sister! 🙂

      Reply
  8. sarsm says

    September 22, 2011 at 9:45 am

    You’re learning 😉

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 22, 2011 at 2:07 pm

      Am trying!

      Reply
  9. Sweetaswhisky says

    September 22, 2011 at 10:06 am

    Please, Please, Please would you just hurry up and write a book.. In fact write several… Give up work and have a million more kids and write for a living…

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 22, 2011 at 2:08 pm

      Awwww that is a lovely compliment x

      Reply
  10. Helloitsgemma says

    September 22, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    Laughed out loud. That is all.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 22, 2011 at 6:14 pm

      You have this all to come!

      Reply
  11. Rachel says

    September 22, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    Oh this did make me chuckle lol…clever little thing!!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 22, 2011 at 6:13 pm

      We prefer to call him smart arse! 🙂

      Reply
  12. NotMyYearOff says

    September 22, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    Ha!! He is one determined twin!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 22, 2011 at 7:08 pm

      available for hire?

      Reply
  13. seasiderinthecity says

    September 22, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    That’s just the sort of thing mine would come out with – thank heaven he can’t count that far!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 22, 2011 at 9:12 pm

      Give it time….. 🙂

      Reply
  14. Not a Notting Hill Mum says

    September 22, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    Love this piece. Very funny and really evocative x

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 23, 2011 at 3:44 am

      Ta x

      Reply
  15. Honest Mum says

    September 23, 2011 at 11:47 am

    Poor you!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 23, 2011 at 11:49 am

      Exactly! and thanks

      Reply
  16. Crystal Jigsaw says

    September 24, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Brilliant post! Best I’ve read all week!

    CJ xx
    P.s. It’s on my Blog Promotions page.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 24, 2011 at 7:10 pm

      Whoop, thanks mrs x x x x

      Reply

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