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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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God, it’s your fault….

Dear God,

Quick question.

Free will, flipping genius idea, may have caused a few wars etc in the past but all in all it allows me to eat several pots of Ben and Jerrys in succession so no harm done.

However why oh why did you see it fit to grant free will to anyone under the age of 8. Could you have not added a parental control button like Sky do?

Take this morning for example when I asked Twin Boy to make his bed my response was.

“I don’t want to.”

In turn I retorted;

“You don’t have a choice.”

Which was quickly answered with,

“I really really do.”

See God we could have avoided all that conversation and the shouting that followed if I could have reached behind his ear and turned free will off forcing him into compliant mode.

And maybe twin girl would not try and outdo the local teenage gangs with her sarcastic under tones and mad hair do’s if I could merely bend her to my will.

And perhaps BB would stop trying to take chunks out of her family with her teeth if we could take away her ability to choose. I mean really God, she is not even 18months old. She is abusing free will not using it.

And while we are on the matter God, free will and men? Again a dangerous mix, perhaps if I could locate he who helped create them’s switch to turn his off my never ending list of jobs may reach completion and the toilet would have a second cleaner.

And as for the rabid hound, I think you gave her extra free will, I am not impressed one bit.

Just had to get that off my chest God.

Have a good day now.

Northernmum

P.S if you are ever thinking of retirement I am more than happy to try and fill your boots so to speak….

Comments

  1. Emma @MummyMummyMum says

    September 23, 2011 at 7:11 am

    I think we need a follow up post on what else you would change if you were God. 🙂

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 23, 2011 at 7:24 am

      It would read like war and peace and be twice as long!

      Reply
  2. joiesgirl says

    September 23, 2011 at 10:21 am

    Totally agree – especially why, oh why do the male species have free will. My life would be simpler without it! A favour, if you do fill that ‘heavenly post’ – no more PMS pls

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 23, 2011 at 12:48 pm

      Done! I will also be removing the world of head lice – I mean what purpose do they serve

      Reply
  3. The Mad House says

    September 23, 2011 at 10:50 am

    My term is this is non-negotiable!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 23, 2011 at 12:47 pm

      I need your power!

      Reply
  4. Pants With Names says

    September 23, 2011 at 11:56 am

    Free will and opinions. I’m all for them, just not in my household, where my will and my opinions should rule.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 23, 2011 at 12:47 pm

      Exactly! God of your own manor and all that!

      Reply
  5. Narrowboat Wife says

    September 23, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    My 22 month old keeps exercising her free will to bite at nursery and at home. It’s not funny. I will be glad when you are God Jane. If America got a black president we can get a fiesty female blogging godess right? It’s the 21st century – anything could happen!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 23, 2011 at 6:41 pm

      Exactly! My son used to bite! Its horrendous, very embarrassing if nothing else! It does end!

      However when I am god I will ban teeth from toddlers!

      Reply
  6. NotMyYearOff says

    September 27, 2011 at 3:54 am

    Imagine that!! And a mute button, and maybe a pause. Ohhhh, endless possibilities….!! If that could work on OH too I would be very pleased…

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 27, 2011 at 7:22 am

      Hehehehe, when I am God all will be good!

      Reply
  7. SAHMlovingit says

    September 27, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    Oh blimey, it still continues at 8 then? MC is only 2 and I wish I had a remote control.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 27, 2011 at 6:33 pm

      Keep wishing! And now you are adding to your collection of loud things! 🙂

      Reply
  8. sarsm says

    October 6, 2011 at 7:58 am

    Could you extend it to under 12yo, no make that under 15yo? Or even better until they move out of the house yo’s?

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      October 6, 2011 at 5:01 pm

      Anything! When I am God all will be possible

      Reply

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