sometimes…

Sometimes does the strain of parenting make you want to run up a hill and shout with all your might from the top?

Do the nonsensical arguments with small ones make you your vocal cords pulse in frustration as you struggle to contain your cries of crossness?

Do you ever take it out on your other half as they are bigger so you are ‘allowed’ to shout at them?

Did you believe your parents when they told you that ‘when you were a parent’ you’d understand?

Its been a rough morning so far, my throat is scratchy from yelling at five year olds who, whilst at times can win a nobel prize for annoyance, probably didn’t deserve it. The scales were mean to me when I stepped on them lightly which didn’t aide my already destroyed mood. Even BB who can normally do no wrong woke up at five am leaving me grumpy and irritable through sleep deprivation.

My stress levels are racing as I stand in the rain watching the minutes tick by waiting for the bus to arrive to drive me out of mummydom to my grown up life.

As the bus rounds the corner, my heart starts to slow, my pulse calms its angry thump and my senses relax. I pause for a moment and enjoy the silence of the rain pounding the deserted street. Then the guilt fills the void that anger left behind.

I shouted and left, I yelled at kids I am trying to teach to not raise their voices.

Bugger, arse, ballacks.

Not a great start to the day.

Must try harder tomorrow…

36 thoughts on “sometimes…”

  1. I had a day like this yesterday. DD kicked off in the supermarket and I was less than calm about it all.Nothing like losing your cool in public I always say. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Hope the rest of your day is smooth as a mill pond. X

  2. It’s the time pressure in the mornings that does my head in, and it was even worse when I was working…my girls are usually okay, but aspie boy knows just how to push my buttons and I count every day a success if he is dressed and breakfasted by the time the bus comes 🙂

  3. Only sometimes? 😉 Some days I spend shouting at the kids then drowning in guilt (and a glass of wine) in the evening. We all do it, don’t beat yourself up!

  4. Come on lady you are a fab Mummy. Its so hard the working Mum guilt surprised we don’t drive ourselves crazy at times. I am about to do 4 night shifts so once again am swaying between trying to stick to the routine and trying to make the most of our time together. By the way the scales were lying you look gorgeous xxx

    • Awwww, thanks mrs!

      But one has got a little podgy since the marathon.

      Life of a working mum eh, trying to do everything well but ending up doing most things badly…. X

  5. sounds like a regular day in this house!
    The days not a win unless you get a sly comment on your shouting skills from a passer by though :p

  6. Its a horrible feeling knowing you’ve done nothing but shout and then have to leave to go to work. We have similar issues/situations in our house. I’m hoping it gets better as their older but my 10 year old is proving me wrong at the minute.

  7. Sleep deprivation can do funny things to people, mostly involving stomping around and barking at the OH… And I have one. Multiply by 3… Oh my…

  8. Yes, in my part of the world (cebu,philippines), I can well relate! Everyday is another day. 🙂 The important thing is for them to know that we love them like crazy even if we “sometimes” shout at them. 🙂 You are doing great!

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