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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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Parenting: Every Parents Nightmare…..

Some ruffian has laid their lips on my daughter.

Some cheeky little so and so has had the nerve to declare himself my daughters first boyfriend and sealed the deal with a puckered up kiss which apparently she willingly accepted.

He didn’t offer to buy her lunch, not even a flipping pretend sandwich from the schools make-believe cafe.  He didn’t give her diamonds and pearls, and if my understanding is correct he didn’t even bother to make a daisy chain to hang around her pretty neck.

The whole wooing process seemed to be a promise of a vote in that weeks Star of the Week competition and a promise of a cuddle at playtime.

So my daughter sold her first boyfriend status for a vote? Maybe both my older children are destined for politics.

But what now?  I feel ill-equipped to handle the relationship between two five-year olds?

Do I invite his parents round for dinner?  Start looking at hats?

Do I invite him round under the guise of a playdate and then leave him in a darkened closet for an hour or so with only an I pod repeating my voice chanting:

                        ‘Thou will not kiss my daughter, thou will not kiss my daughter’

Or do I whisk twin girl out of the classroom and leave her on the doorstep of the local nunnery and collect her when she is eighteen?

As all these thoughts raced through my head twin girl soon got bored with watching me frantically wring my hands and pull at my lips in anxious worry and disappeared upstairs to play with her far too thin and so has implants Barbie.

Left alone with my wandering mind I imagined a future where my daughter ran off to Gretna Green with this so-called chap of hers in their school uniforms, flinging their book bags behind them and sharing drink cups.

But before I could get too carried away twin boy bellowed from upstairs.

“Mum” he called

 “Molly’s not got a boyfriend anymore, she’s got a husband…..me!”

Bugger, five-year old ruffian boyfriend or marital incest?

Yet another impossible parenting dilemma….

Husband and Wife with their adopted daughter BB

**By the way my little blog has been shortlisted in the MAD blog Awards; I am really flattered, if you want to help me win please click on this voting link and enter your name and email and my blog has been shortlisted in Best Mad Blog about Family life (the first one); just click ‘northern mum’   – Thanks from me, twin boy, twin girl, BB, and he who helped create them x x x

Comments

  1. Crystal Jigsaw says

    June 11, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    Oooh, I dread the day! Amy has already told me a boy at school has asked her out but she laughed and said she was too young. Im trying to make her see that she needs to be at least 25 before she even thinks about dates, but not sure it’ll work, lol.

    CJ xx

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      June 11, 2011 at 2:19 pm

      Hmm, can you please come over and talk to twin girl? she seems to be aging by the day!

      Reply
  2. Geeky Mummy says

    June 11, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    My 6 year old is engaged, they are getting married in 22 years time, on 5th Nov at midday. They have even allocated bridesmaids. I asked her why this boy ‘he asked first’. He has given her lots of kisses but she says it’s just like when we kiss her!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      June 11, 2011 at 4:43 pm

      Who has she chosen for bridesmaids?

      I need to know more about this x

      Reply
      • ali says

        June 11, 2011 at 5:02 pm

        Not only do I know a very good wedding planner (that’ll be me), but if you can wait a couple of weeks I’ll even throw in a freshly baked bridesmaid/ pageboy. I put it all down to the Prince charming doll that Twin girl was besotted with x

        Reply
        • janeblackmore says

          June 11, 2011 at 5:46 pm

          Dont know if she can wait ali – she seemed to inherit her patience from me….

          Reply
      • Geeky Mummy says

        June 11, 2011 at 9:56 pm

        Her school friends are to be bridesmaids. They are in love, and keep making arts and craft things for each other. She’s made a badge for him for his birthday, it has a drawing of her and him and lots of hearts.

        It’s so cute. She has no understanding of what it means. We did have a funny chat today about him being grumpy that she didn’t sit next to him at theatre school today ‘he can be possessive, I need to teach him to be better at sharing’.

        Reply
        • janeblackmore says

          June 11, 2011 at 10:06 pm

          oh that is so cute!

          twin girls fella is definetly out of the loop – she has come to another decision today that she is staying with me forever.

          I am happy with that!

          🙂

          Reply
  3. Jacq says

    June 11, 2011 at 5:23 pm

    Oh DD1 states she is ‘in love’ with one of the boys in her class but is ‘taking it slowly’. I’m resisting the impulse to enquire exactly what ‘things’ entail. I fear I don’t really want to know.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      June 11, 2011 at 5:47 pm

      Steer away from that conversation!!! 🙂

      Reply
  4. mothersalwaysright says

    June 11, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    Another gem. I love the fickle innocence of kids. I also love twin girl’s name – don’t think I’ve told you that yet.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      June 11, 2011 at 5:48 pm

      Clearly me and your mother have excellent taste!

      My molly wants to know if you get shortened to molls? or even on very lazy days M – or is it just because she is twin (her words)

      Reply
  5. Lakes Mum says

    June 11, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    my 7 year old has “snogged” a boy in her class “lots of times” in the bushes at school at playtime!!!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      June 11, 2011 at 6:25 pm

      Nunnery option?

      Reply
  6. mummymummymum says

    June 11, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    I love that photo! x

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      June 11, 2011 at 8:20 pm

      Ha!

      I have a better one on brighton pier under a just married sign but i cant bloody find it!

      x

      Reply
      • mummymummymum says

        June 11, 2011 at 9:35 pm

        BB has a similar expression to the one baby H often wears when surrounded 🙂

        Reply
        • janeblackmore says

          June 11, 2011 at 10:04 pm

          what sheer terror?

          Reply
  7. toddlingintomadness says

    June 11, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    A view again of things to come – and now Mr Toddlingintomadness is horrified that Tinkerbell will grow up someday and be kissed… it’s not allowed

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      June 11, 2011 at 8:21 pm

      he who helped create them has sat down and has had a very serious conversation with her! it wont happen again apparantly….

      Reply
  8. Kim Waller says

    June 11, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    My twins seem intent on the incest option too – we have had some interesting conversations on why that is not supported. I’d always hoped to be a brave mum when it can to discussing procreation but as they are getting older the questions are getting harder and I am getting more tongue tied!!!
    A nunnery it is then I think!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      June 11, 2011 at 8:54 pm

      Meet you there tomorrow? 🙂

      Reply
  9. Bod for tea says

    June 11, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    Hilarious 😀 DD’s not quite two but I’ve seen her future in this post so I’ve just pre-booked her a place at the local nunnery. Just in case. Well you just can’t be too careful can you?

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      June 12, 2011 at 7:30 am

      Such a wise woman!

      I take my hat off to you x

      Reply
  10. Mcai7td3 says

    June 12, 2011 at 5:57 am

    Oh dear! Didn’t we wait a lot longer? Like till the age of 8? I wonder what it’ll be like first time she wants to bring him home.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      June 12, 2011 at 7:31 am

      Oh lord *starts manically tidying*

      Why cant they stay tiny forever, who would willingly turn to their husband and say I want a teenager!

      I want a baby *wails*

      Reply
  11. Anna says

    June 12, 2011 at 6:32 am

    The cupboard thing. Oh please do the cupboard thing?x

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      June 12, 2011 at 7:31 am

      think social services would get upset?

      Reply
  12. Multiple Mummy says

    June 12, 2011 at 9:00 am

    That is so funny…only this week Noah, my three year old came home and said he loved his best friend Tyler and was going to marry him! When I told Tyler’s Mum, she said that she would make a wonderful mother in law! so that is it…at three my son is about to get married! That goodness people are more open these days. he he x

    P.S I would go for a dark cupboard! he he

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      June 12, 2011 at 9:26 am

      Thanks. The consensus seems to be cupboard. I just need to work out how to record to an I pod….

      Reply
  13. Mel (MilkChic) says

    June 12, 2011 at 11:47 am

    At least the relationships was short-lived… Maybe she’ll be bored of boys by the time she’s a teenager?

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      June 12, 2011 at 11:58 am

      But what will she have moved onto?

      Reply
  14. Amy Le Pelley says

    June 12, 2011 at 9:16 pm

    I had a written marriage proposal at 6, but it ended swiftly after a rather brutal game of hungry hippos. I mentioned this to the said boy on facebook and he didn’t even remember the letter he wrote to my father telling me he would wait for me! Shocking! x

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      June 12, 2011 at 9:29 pm

      Time to move on lovely x

      Reply
  15. Tinuke says

    June 13, 2011 at 7:02 am

    Reading the comments and chuckling out loud on train platform.
    Just dropped Princess at Childminder at same time as another kid and must admit I thought ” hmm you two would make a nice couple in 20 years time” is that bad of me?

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      June 13, 2011 at 9:39 am

      Its only bad if princess is under the age of ten now?

      Reply
  16. nikki says

    July 5, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    hello, found your blog through the twins triplets and more linky on maris world blog.
    this post made me laugh, my older two always used to say they want to get married when they are older…so glad that wore off!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      July 5, 2011 at 7:19 pm

      Hello *waves* lovely to meet you, thanks for stopping by

      Reply
  17. marisworld says

    July 8, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    I have finally got round to reading your link! Seems to have taken me forever, brilliant story which I have yet to experience as my 2 don’t start preschool till September and THEN maybe we’ll hve these discussions 🙂
    Thank you for joining in adn good luck with MADS x

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      July 8, 2011 at 9:08 pm

      lol. thanks x

      Reply

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