Some ruffian has laid their lips on my daughter.
Some cheeky little so and so has had the nerve to declare himself my daughters first boyfriend and sealed the deal with a puckered up kiss which apparently she willingly accepted.
He didn’t offer to buy her lunch, not even a flipping pretend sandwich from the schools make-believe cafe. He didn’t give her diamonds and pearls, and if my understanding is correct he didn’t even bother to make a daisy chain to hang around her pretty neck.
The whole wooing process seemed to be a promise of a vote in that weeks Star of the Week competition and a promise of a cuddle at playtime.
So my daughter sold her first boyfriend status for a vote? Maybe both my older children are destined for politics.
But what now? I feel ill-equipped to handle the relationship between two five-year olds?
Do I invite his parents round for dinner? Start looking at hats?
Do I invite him round under the guise of a playdate and then leave him in a darkened closet for an hour or so with only an I pod repeating my voice chanting:
‘Thou will not kiss my daughter, thou will not kiss my daughter’
Or do I whisk twin girl out of the classroom and leave her on the doorstep of the local nunnery and collect her when she is eighteen?
As all these thoughts raced through my head twin girl soon got bored with watching me frantically wring my hands and pull at my lips in anxious worry and disappeared upstairs to play with her far too thin and so has implants Barbie.
Left alone with my wandering mind I imagined a future where my daughter ran off to Gretna Green with this so-called chap of hers in their school uniforms, flinging their book bags behind them and sharing drink cups.
But before I could get too carried away twin boy bellowed from upstairs.
“Mum” he called
“Molly’s not got a boyfriend anymore, she’s got a husband…..me!”
Bugger, five-year old ruffian boyfriend or marital incest?
Yet another impossible parenting dilemma….
**By the way my little blog has been shortlisted in the MAD blog Awards; I am really flattered, if you want to help me win please click on this voting link and enter your name and email and my blog has been shortlisted in Best Mad Blog about Family life (the first one); just click ‘northern mum’ – Thanks from me, twin boy, twin girl, BB, and he who helped create them x x x