I am known to carry a little weight now and then. I am constantly embroiled in a passionate love affair with food, some days I can’t get enough of it to the point that he who helped create them has to hide the kids treats but on other days I manage to exercise some self control and resist the lure of the fridge.
I am an awful dieter; if I start breakfast with something ‘naughty‘ (easter egg, Mars Bar, Jam on toast) then the day is ruined for me and it is not uncommon for me to trough my way through the biscuit tin, then have bread and dripping for lunch followed by remains of kids tea and a take out pizza for supper. But catch me on a health kick and I am like a nice version of Gillian Mckeith.
Now the point of this is; what I didn’t realise was the hours of squeezing myself into knickers bigger than BB and moaning despairingly at my muffin top, running a marathon to lose my baby belly seem to have had an effect on twin girl.
Not always that body concious (she spent yesterday naked on the front lawn whilst playing happily for hours) she flounced in my room this morning hand on hip and declared;
“Mummy I can’t wait this, it makes my tummy look big.”
She is five.
And for the record whilst inheriting my vivacious appetite she seems to have her fathers genes and resembles a beautiful skinny beanpole but I wouldn’t give a rats ass if she looked like a little pudding if she still ate her five a day.
So what have I done?
Every time I have squeezed into a pair of too small jeans and stood in front of the mirror practising not breathing she has watched me. When I have had a temper tantrum with clothes that used to hang off me but now cling to my love handles she was stood on the sidelines watching me grumble. She doesn’t read Heat or Hello and is not ruled by images of too skinny models declaring size 8 and below is the only way to be. Her role model is me and I think I have ballsed up.
I grew up with a mum who whilst is utterly beautiful has given half her life savings to fat clubs and gyms. I probably knew how to work out weight watchers points before I could do my nine times table, and I thought green and red days were days of the week. Did this make me into a greedy guts? I doubt it, I have a compulsive personality and I love food (especially cake, lord I love cake)
So where to now; I want to be slim, but I want to teach my kids that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. I want to raise health concious kids who never set foot in a queue to be weighed but I think I need to join weight watchers.
The paradox of parenting.
Once again I have no answers for myself….