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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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I have a defective child

I am beginning to think Twin Boy is a defective model.  I cannot find his off switch, his volume switch is utterly knackered and fixed in the ‘high’ position; he cannot be trained in any way and he doesn’t seem to have a control panel at all.  He also leaks some fluid from his nose at quite an alarming rate which I really don’t think can be normal in any way.

I just bloody well knew that buy one get one free offer was too good to be true. 

I can’t even find his receipt, just for the off chance that they offer returns after five years.  We also tore the house apart looking for the guarantee so at least we could try and get him repaired but the only paperwork we could find was a no help at all birth certificate (its not like we are going to forget his name) and a rather cute tag from the hospital where we collected him.  It’s blue and shaped like a bear, the tag that is not the birth certificate.

So I think we going to have to keep him, I have looked on EBay but the going rate for loud, hyperactive, little boys seems to be quite low.  Even if they are quite cute to look at.  Someone suggested that I could demand quite a sum if I put Twin girl on there and sold them as a pair but she told me today that she will be my best friend forever and that she will never be mean to me when she is a teenager so I haven’t the heart to sell her off.  (Don’t worry I am not daft, in case she was telling a porkie I wrote her words down and got her to sign it so if she goes back on her word its EBay all the way)

So if anyone has any hints or tips on how to tame a five year old slightly loopy, deafeningly noisy, green nosed but completely loveable little boy please send your tips my way.

Comments

  1. Mcai7td3 says

    March 5, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Awww he sounds lovely! No tips I’m afraid, I am saving up your advice for future use! 🙂

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 5, 2011 at 11:32 pm

      Funny lady x

      Reply
  2. Kerry says

    March 5, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    Buy some ear plugs or learn to shout a little louder that is what my sister has done with her hyperactive 5year old. She brought an Ipod and she has learnt to shout. She also brought a dog so that she got a break from the noise on a regular basis! xxx

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 5, 2011 at 11:31 pm

      I have a bloody loud dog!!!!!! cant get another house is too small x

      Reply
  3. cherrymumof6 says

    March 5, 2011 at 8:31 pm

    Haha brilliant, can i just say they seem to get worse and definitely louder as they get older, Master7 used to be quite nice when he was 5, seems an age ago. x

    Reply
  4. Glenda says

    March 5, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    You are describing the younger version of my son. He always made out he came from planet “Deffland” where they had completely different rules and norms and he was conforming to those instead of those here on planet Earth. You have only about fifteen to twenty years to go till he leaves the nest (I don’t just mean” leaves the nest” I mean “leaves the nest and takes his washing with him”), then if you wait for about seven years after that you will find you have produced the nicest, kindest, most got-together human being and you will feel so proud of him. (Just in time for him to look after you in your dotage!)
    The only tips I have are gin and tonic, say your mantra and try yoga breathing.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 5, 2011 at 11:31 pm

      Deffland, thats where i found him!!!

      Reply
  5. susie@newdaynewlesson says

    March 5, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    LOL-take a deep breath and wait about 20 years till he has kids of his own and then laugh.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 5, 2011 at 11:30 pm

      20 years? he will still be living at home with me doing his washing!

      Reply
  6. Casdok says

    March 7, 2011 at 10:12 am

    Sorry no tips!!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 7, 2011 at 12:05 pm

      Thought so! I am alone x

      Reply
  7. mummy@bodfortea says

    March 10, 2011 at 11:50 pm

    My model has a snooze button that works for about and hour and a half after lunch and an off button from about 7.30pm each night. It switches itself on again at around 7am. The rest of the time it’s giving the energizer bunny a run for it’s money!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 11, 2011 at 2:50 pm

      lol, we must have twins!

      Reply

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Jane is a working Mum of three and has great hair. One of these things may not be true.

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