I am not a tea and tissues type of gal. I tend to crack on with life dealing with whatever pops up in my path and try and find the funny side of most things. When the dog leaves a present on the floor I over dramatise for the kids and make a joke out of it whilst mentally imagining how she would look as a string of sausages. When the kids drive me to the point of insanity I merely utter every curse word I know under my breath whilst smiling gaily. I am sure
the neighbours refer to me as the grinning mad mutterer.
But jaysus it’s flipping hard to remain positive and look for the funny in life when you are slowly turning into a nervous wreck with leaking eyes.
Do you know, four weeks ago I didn’t really know what epilepsy was; three weeks ago I didn’t know what tonic clonic epilepsy was and until yesterday I had no idea what cluster seizures were.
And yet now not a day passes without me finding out something new about this scary condition.
My rational brain tells me things could be so much worse; I know families who have had really poorly children. But my rational mind runs away at breakneck speed when my tiny baby rolls her eyes, starts to jerk and turns a shade of blue Mr Frosty would be proud off.
My rational brain also goes hitch hiking every time I google epilepsy and I read the worrying tales of worse case scenarios. My eyes start to water as if someone has began to peel a million onions and my usual healthy sarcastic nature buggers off with the fairies! I also know not to read the stuff on the web but hey who takes their own advice
So I am tiring of this new word that seems to frequent my vocabulary, and I am weary of holding my breath whilst libby-sue suffers another seizure. I want more than anything (as all parents do) for her to not have to suffer any pain and for her never to see the interior of a hospital again.
But yet I suffer with copers disorder. I don’t want the world to see how scared I am and I want my children to be led by a strong confident northern mummy. And I come from a family re known for being pillars of strength who can cope with all the shite that is thrown at us on the crazy rollercoaster life.
So this nasty fearful condition will slot into my family life, I refuse to hide away from it. I will deal with it as my older children do dismissing it as ‘just another fit’. (Whilst watching her like a hawk of course)
And of course I will spoil BB absolutely rotten in the mean time.
The funny is coming back tomorrow!