this is me (thanks showman….)

This is a wee bit painful to write.

Because after almost 43 years on this earth, I thought I had solved my issues with food.  After losing excess weight a few years ago, and becoming very fitness focused, I thought I was there.

So my excuses…

I got anxiety – crippling anxiety – I stopped eating and felt miserable.

I said at the time – I’d rather be fat and happy (and I still stand by that)

Lockdown came.

I’ve worked longer hours than ever before.

Time is always an issue…

This list can go on for a while.

The point is, I stopped caring about what went in my mouth and how that made me feel.

On the base of it, I don’t worry about the number on the scale, but I worry about the fact that I can’t pull my own body weight up any more.  I am very happy in myself, but I get embarrassed when I tell people I am a shareholder in a Crossfit box, but I have a waistline that says exercise is not my friend.

After a year since anxiety crammed itself into my already full life, I am finally at the point where I am not comfortable with my fitness, which inadvertently relates to my weight.

And it is a long way back down.

Motivation is harder to find as I strike through the peri menopausal years (next excuse); but find it I must.

The point of this post?  I am going to lose weight, not for how I look – although I know from the past that will be a look I prefer on me.  I ain’t losing weight because society dictates I should – I am exceptionally comfortable in my own skin.  I am losing weight because this isn’t healthy and I want to workout without my own personal weighted vest.

Its about health and fitness, not fad diets.

Its about finding a solution, again, that works with both my mental and physical health.

Let the journey begin.