Cosy Little Hell Hole

For those who don’t know, it is Easter holidays for the schools.

(Also for those not sure – today is Tuesday)

So whilst I attempt to work through, possibly harder than ever before – in order to ensure the businesses I work for come out the other side.

I also have three children roaming around like little lost souls.

Which means I have become a yes parent – because it is easier.

“Mum can I have chocolate for breakfast,”

Yes

“Mum, can I stay in my PJ’s?”

Yes

“Mum, can we put the tent up and pretend we are on holiday, drag all the mattresses up through the grass, ruin the lawn you spent a year growing, wreck the inside of the house, and create a second home (which really is forbidden to visit), in the garden where we can all yell loudly at each later and the neighbours will be able to hear us more clearly.”

You know what I said right….

Which is how I found myself, last night, dog bollock freezing, sleeping on the ground, in a tent, with all the kids, the farting dog and two cats, and a full moon that lit up the tent like a firework.

We watched a film first, that took up 3 hours.  Two for the film, one for the argument about what to watch.

Then, just before we settled down to sleep in our cosy little outside hell hole, we went to the campsites facilities to brush our teeth,

Well we tried.

However, what really happened was, we went to the back door – which I had locked (to prevent the burglars getting to the garden) and found the key to suddenly be ineffective in the lock.

It may be pertinent to explain my house and garden now.

We are mid terrace, with no access route around the back.

So suddenly, upon finding I was locked out, I was looking at sustaining the kids on fresh water from the hose, a bag of salted popcorn and three Easter Eggs.

For as long as the pandemic lasts…..

The cat – who was highly amused by the predicament, instantly took it upon himself to be an evil twat – and spent 5 minutes walking in and out of the cat flap – just because he could.

The dog just looked terrified, because she doesn’t like popcorn and isn’t allowed to eat chocolate.

Only I can get locked out of my own home, in a global healthcare crisis where social distancing is key – and no one has a spare key to my house…

So how did it end…

Well, like any good parent, I decided to sleep on it – and to hope my geriatric bladder would get me through the night (it didn’t).

Then attack the problem in the morning.

Which meant I sent the kids down to try the key from 7am onwards whilst I texted friends and family saying my goodbyes.

It didn’t work…

I had to stop the boy child from breaking a window with a barbell.

Then I spent some time praying to the universe to help me the feck out.

Then a friend called, asked what the key was doing, and as I reached out my hand to give it a wiggle – the lock suddenly groaned and the door sprung open…..

Saved by Karma.

Or a key that grew warm in the lock….

Happy Tuesday.

Stay safe, stay home, don’t camp.