Would rather chew on a dog’s bollock….

I only went and had an epiphany.

A real moment of enlightenment.

I was sitting on a beautiful beach last week, on holiday with my five girlfriends.  We had spent the afternoon sunbathing, swimming, and a considerable time had been spent in the pub.  As afternoon fell, I wandered off for a while and was sitting happily listening to the waves crash against the shore.

I was happy.

Perfectly happy.

And sober.

Stone cold sober….

I have been for over 9 months,I suspect that is the longest period since I turned 18.

Then I realised, alcohol has zero hold on me.

I don’t need it to relax, I don’t need it to have fun, I hate to sound evangelical – but I have honestly lost fuck all since I stopped chucking Prosecco down my neck in the evening.

I can sit all day in the pub if needs be with my alcohol free lager.  I ain’t there for the vino, I am there because I want to catch up with my friends.  Yes, I liked the taste, back in the day.  But I also LOVED the taste of the fish and chips from the town where I grew up – but I ended that relationship years ago when I realised loving that taste was making me obese and spotty.

I can think of a host of things I like the taste of, that don’t on occasion leave me feeling like death the morning after.

Back in the day.

18 months ago, I would have told you I couldn’t imagine a night out where I stayed off the sauce.  I would have thought it near on impossible to date without having a drink to steady my nerves.  A tough day at work would have sent me straight to the fridge.

I was not an alcoholic. far from it, but man, I liked a drink.

So, honestly, no one is more surprised than me that currently I think I’d rather chew on a dogs bollock than have another drink.

Because,when I was sitting on the beach, feeling the sun kiss my cheeks and hearing the ocean sing to me – I realised, it’s just a drug.

We all know it isn’t good for us, around 9,200 people died from alcohol related illnesses in 2016.

We know, that whilst it can enhance an evening – it can also make you act like an absolute twat.  The horror I have faced some mornings after when I have checked my phone with a bleary eye reading texts I don’t recall sending the night before.  Or reviewing what Facebook status’s I felt the world needed to know at 2am.

Sitting on the beach, I was suddenly eaten alive with a sensation that I was free.  I was also eaten alive by mosquitoes – but that is an entirely different blog.

I holidayed abroad without a single drop of alcohol….

I still stayed out past midnight, drinking mocktails in the bar with my friends.

I still danced like a dick at 10am when passing time before sunbathing.

I still talked for hours about life, love and everything else – I just didn’t slur my words.

But check this out

I ran by the sea at sunrise, finding a serenity and peacefulness that has never presented itself with a hangover.

I didn’t spend one moment of the trip in a state of regret.

I didn’t have a hangover or heartburn.

I have taken a million photos, but also, my memories are completely intact.

 

I think I am finally at one with who I am.

This is me and all that jazz.

I don’t need to hide behind a glass or boost my confidence with liquid.

I love the feeling that every choice I make is made with a clear mind.

9 months ago, I wrote a post telling alcohol I was leaving it for a time.

I think I am finally ready to make that separation a divorce.

 

Because life is better this way.