As you get older the years pass by in less than a moment, you find yourself repeatedly questioning where the time has gone, and looking at the giants who share your home and pondering where the babies that once were have now gone.
I remember mocking my older friends who told me to relish every moment, record every memory, because time would pass too soon. Now I leap at those with small people and fiercely tell them to stop the dusting, leave the carpet to fester, because the babies will grow, the toddlers will turn into tweens, and suddenly you will feel as though you are caught in a tornado of time that spins faster and faster with each passing day.
This Christmas, I delighted in the company of my children, two who are about to turn twelve and one who stays my baby at seven.
It was different, for the first time, the trio spent the weekend before with their Dad, leaving me to face a relaxed build up to the Christmas period, with an agreed collection time of 7pm Christmas Eve.
It meant my usual traditions of church, walking and carols were off. I had neither the motivation nor the desire to do them alone, I tried very hard not be sad, but still sadness found a way into my soul, and I remember having a few mournful moments as I ached a little for the noise of my children squabbling upstairs and moaning about having to go to church and carols.
It is the life of a divorced parent to live time alone, it is only at times of festivities does it start to challenge and crumble the core a little.
This is not to say that we didn’t squeeze fun out of every second in the week preceding the weekend before Christmas. From ice-skating at Wentworth Garden centre to visiting Santa in his grotto, and watching the fairies dance and hide in the christmas lights at Brodsworth Hall. Christmas Eve was spent laughing with best friends on a Twister board, and putting out mince pies for Santa with the usual cuddling and re reading of The Night Before Christmas.
We made memories, and here I am, recording them…
Ice Skating At Wentworth Garden Centre
Fairy Hunting at Brodsworth Hall
Meeting Santa @ Cherry Tree Garden Centre…
It has been an amazing Christmas, Santa was kind and generous, and even though the belief isn’t quite what it used to be in our home, the magic was still in abundance. The children ran downstairs like baby elephants on Christmas morning, delighted in sharing gifts for one and another, covered the house in paper, and each yelped with happiness as their gifts were realised.
We spent the day surround by family, tiring out my Dad in an exhaustive game of Jack, Jack, Shine a light. Much, much food was consumed, not as much drink – that doesn’t seem to be my thing anymore.
This Christmas it has consumed me more than most that I am single, am not sure why. Possibly because I feel perhaps ready to share my time with someone else, possibly just because Christmas is inflated with images of a traditional family and relationship love.
Who knows?
Perhaps it is just the realisation that the kids are growing up, faster than I like, and one day it will be just me and the dog.
Maybe with that in mind, I should immerse myself more into my little brood, capture more moments, live and love a little harder.
The end of the year is looming, we are going to spend it as a four, thinking of dreams and aspirations for next year, planning a future of fun.
Hope all my readers have a lovely New Year, and we will see you on the other side!
Happy New Year
Jane x
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