• Home
  • Work with me / About me
  • Disclosure
  • Terms/Privacy Policy
    • Cookie Policy
    • Website Terms & Conditions
  • Contact

Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

  • facebook
  • twitter
  • instagram
  • youtube
  • mail

Six ways to know you are a parent to tweens

Three months ago I was a parent to three children in primary school.  Then in September, life changed, drastically.  The older two suddenly ditched their book bags, yanked on oversized blazers and back packs and strode out of the front door off to secondary school.

Life has never been the same since my primary school babes disappeared and became full on tweens.

Suddenly….

Communication

Full sentences are a struggle, we now mainly converse through the use of animalistic grunts and growls.  Requests for breakfast orders are met with a grunt and a shrug, and usually followed by a primal grab of a carbohydrate based food and the whole conversation is finished with the slam of the door.

Requests to understand how their day was are futile.  The answer is always one of three…

  • Fine – in between bites of more carb based products
  • Yup – which means they paid no attention to the question
  • Sic – not vomit – as one of my age would think.

Clothing

Has to be designer…

Once upon a time my son proudly boasted the entire range of Asda’s T-Shirt, from the plain v-necks, to the cute ones with gorillas pretending to play the drums on.  Last week, the boy child threw me off kilter by actually speaking to me, in a full sentence, and held my hand, in public.  Turns out it was all a rouse to get me inside JD Sports; where we then proceeded to look at clothing that had price tags that would cripple my mate George at Asda.

And Clean…

The new rule for all clothing is, it must be washed, daily.  Nothing can be hung back up in the wardrobe.

In primary, the kids would wear some clothes until they got up and walked to the laundry basket themselves.  Now, every item of clothing is pulled by magnetic force to the wicker basket in the corner of the room….

Except socks.

Those feckers have relocated to the Twilight zone.  Whether I buy seven pairs a week or seventeen, by the time we get to Sunday all that is left is a range of mixed sizes from the local Trampoline park.  And those cheap nasty things get bobbles on them that look like a teenage boys acne.

And Uniform…

Come the weekend, only a Nike tracksuit and Hype shirt will do.  Monday to Friday, creased white shirts and dirty blazers are apparently all the rage.

Bathing…

Is a very private thing…..

And they don’t take kindly by being reminded that you a) grew them, b) fed them from your breast….

References to how you wiped their arse as a baby are also met with distain…..

Technology

They understand it far better than you, which has benefits when you need them to help you download Netflix to the TV, and its downsides when they can navigate through your poor parental control settings with the ease of a warm knife through room temperature butter.

Hormones have moved in

As a woman, I have struggled with my own hormones.  Now I am the proud owner of three sets of hormonal imbalances that take great joy in tearing round the home, smashing into each other…..

I feel for my neighbours, certainly on the third Thursday of each cycle.

They want you for likes not comments….

Follow your kids on instagram?  They love it when you like their posts, but be prepared to face the wrath of Satan if you dare to comment on their photography skills.

Apparently, reminding them they are on a phone ban when they post a selfie from their room is a VERY bad thing to do.

(Funny as hell when you are a parent tho…)

 

Some days, when you are queueing outside your own bathroom, doing the desperate for a wee-wee dance, and this tall youth pushes past you to exit the room, you can be mistaken for thinking you are house sharing rather than parenting.  You find yourself longing for them to finish the word ‘mum’ with the second syllable it used to have.

Your hand feels sad as no one pressed theirs into it that much anymore.

Until they want money  – then, and only then, do my babies return to me.  Full sentences, ‘mummy’ dripping from their lips and hands squeezing mine.

 

That is how I know I am a mum to tweens…..

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

  1. Fiona Cambouropoulos says

    November 10, 2017 at 8:18 am

    This made me smile and sounds all too familiar, be warned it doesn’t get better till they are at least 17. Your blog will be the next thing to come under fire when their mates search photos of them as kids in IT lessons and have a good giggle. But it’s not all doom and gloom, we have some wonderful family adult banter at dinner times – after food has hit their stomachs that is!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Jane is a working Mum of three and has great hair. One of these things may not be true.

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 10,117 other subscribers

Categories

  • All Posts
  • BB's journey with DDH
  • Breastfeeding
  • mummyblog
  • Paleo / Crossfitting
  • Reviews / Featured Content
  • Travel / Out and About
  • Twin Girl and Type 1 Diabetes
  • Uncategorized

Tots 100

TOTS100 - UK Parent Blogs
TOTS100

Search

Follow on Bloglovin

Follow on Bloglovin

Previously on northernmum….

Awards!

Tots100 MAD Blog Awards

Looking to Save Money?

Check out my thrify blog, full of ideas to eat and play well  – for less money!

www.fromspendingtosaving.co.uk

Northern Mum

Copyright © 2019 Northern Mum Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three
Site design with help from DigitalJen

Copyright © 2021 · Slush Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.Accept Read More
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.

SAVE & ACCEPT