• Home
  • Work with me / About me
  • Disclosure
  • Terms/Privacy Policy
    • Cookie Policy
    • Website Terms & Conditions
  • Contact

Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

  • facebook
  • twitter
  • instagram
  • youtube
  • mail

Crying over size 14’s

I have cried in Next twice in my life.  Once was a few years back when I got into a fight with a pair of size 14 jeans.  My argument was that they were merely a size 10 impersonating a 14 but every time I tried on a fresh pair with the same label they steadily refused to go over my thighs.

It was eventually with sobs of despair that I peeled myself out of the blue denim and laid breathless on the floor until some kindly soul handed me a pair of 16’s (which must have been 14’s on a fat day).  Then as the zip slid up without too much protest I cried again as I realised that my ongoing weight battle was at a losing stance again….

shutterstock_288228680

Image courtsey of Shutterstock

Today I cried again…

But this time I was outside of the changing room, in a sea of Christmas Shoppers, where a curtain couldn’t hide my tears.

It was a shade embarrassing.

To say the least…
 

I was returning goods.

I have a hobby of ordering half of Next’s stock online, and trying it on at home (mainly because I cry in changing rooms when it doesn’t fit.). Then I traipse to the store to return all unwanted items, or the bits that empathise my muffin top….

Today, I handed a bag to the nice lady behind the counter who beamed at me.

“No good dear?”

I shook my head in agreement, I didn’t think she needed to know that I looked like an elephant in the leggings and Mr Blobby in the pink sweater.  And when I wore them both together I looked like the love child of an elephant and Mr Blobby.

She then went to type in my refund in the posh computer that masquerades as a till.

“Can I take you first and second name dear?”

And I told her….

“That’s not what we have here lovely,” she chirped.

Ah, she wanted my old name – the one I discarded as soon as my husband left me.

I spoke again, using a name I don’t connect with me.

“Just married eh?” She beamed and her eyes sought the evidence on my left hand. Then as she saw only a naked knuckle, the penny dropped and she raised her eyes to mine.

“I’m getting divorced” I whispered.

Then to my mortification a huge welt of a tear hit the desk between us.

I pondered about trying to pretend there was a leak in the roof, despite the lack of rain outside. My imagination was trying to figure out a tale to explain away the water when two more huge drops fell from my eyes, as the woman stared transfixed.

“Hardest thing in the world, when your life doesn’t go as planned my love.  Just keep going.”

And then she rubbed my arm and walked me out of the shop.

“Take care” she said as I walked, red faced, wet eyed to the car.

Sometimes sadness catches you when you weren’t expecting it. And sometimes complete strangers can be the bestest of friends.

And sometimes, shops should put their size 14’s on the size 10 rail – just to make shopping more fun.

Comments

  1. Sally says

    December 4, 2015 at 7:23 pm

    One of my best friends said to me, many years ago, that divorce isn’t an event. It’s a process. That you extricate yourself from a relationship over and over, in a million tiny different ways, every day. And sometimes it’s the small moments that remind us of what we’re going through.

    I cried in Next, too. It was soon after we moved up North, and I lost Flea in the store. I was convinced it was evidence that I couldn’t possibly look after a child on my own. The upside is their staff are all basically 15 and to them, all middle-aged divorcees look the same.

    Reply
  2. Mari says

    December 4, 2015 at 9:20 pm

    Oh Jane, it’s so hard and hits you when you least expect it. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever had to deal with and at times I was wrecked. But I did make it through and life is sweet again.
    I don’t want to paint a paradise image, there is shit to shovel and a lot of pain but it does stop.
    I have never forgotten my first husband and I live with the ‘what if’ every day but I am happy now and those thoughts don’t hurt like they did ten years ago.
    Plod on honey, keep going, it will get better xx

    Reply
  3. Michelle Twin Mum says

    December 4, 2015 at 9:29 pm

    Ohh Jane, so glad you got a nice shop assistant. Mich x

    Reply
  4. Helen says

    December 5, 2015 at 12:29 pm

    Ah but your life hasn’t turned out as expected so many times. Not that I’m trying to make you cry again.
    Why does grief sneak up on you like that at the most awkward moments?? I had no idea the evil b***ard did that. Mind you, it’s possibly to show you, when you’re at your lowest, that people actually are rather good deep down. That’s very easy to forget xx

    Reply
  5. Jax says

    December 5, 2015 at 1:25 pm

    Ah hugs. I hate crying in public, glad that the shop assistant was nice to you though.

    Reply
  6. Coombe Mill - Fiona says

    December 5, 2015 at 5:43 pm

    I think it is the unexpected moments that must get to you most and Christmas is always a hard time of year not to be in the stereotype family unit, chin up and wishing you and the family a lovely Christmas.
    p.s Who are you kidding, you are a size 10 on a fat day!

    Reply
  7. Helloitsgemma says

    December 5, 2015 at 8:16 pm

    I’ve never liked Next much.

    Reply
  8. Yvette @ Big Trouble in Little Nappies says

    December 7, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    Oh this just made me tearful. Love your writing, and love that the woman in the shop reacted this way. People can upset without meaning to, but then they can be simply lovely too. I also totally agree about the Size 14s on Size 10 rails, too 😉

    Reply
  9. Jo of Jo's Kitchen says

    December 8, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    Hugs Jane. Life is full of unexpected twists and turns. However you are strong and you will get through anything that life throws at you. Enjoy the good times and keep strong in the bad times. Keep smiling and you are so a size 10! xxxx

    Reply
  10. Notmyyearoff says

    December 11, 2015 at 10:35 am

    She sounds like a lovely assistant. You’re doing an amazing job and Xmas and New year will be hard but you will get through it. During a very hard autumn break up I would feel like I was plodding along but the tiniest things would make me angry, like stupid sparkly Xmas trees. You are Jane. You are an awesome awesome lady. Hope you have a lovely lovely Xmas Xx

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Jane is a working Mum of three and has great hair. One of these things may not be true.

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 10,117 other subscribers

Categories

  • All Posts
  • BB's journey with DDH
  • Breastfeeding
  • mummyblog
  • Paleo / Crossfitting
  • Reviews / Featured Content
  • Travel / Out and About
  • Twin Girl and Type 1 Diabetes
  • Uncategorized

Tots 100

TOTS100 - UK Parent Blogs
TOTS100

Search

Follow on Bloglovin

Follow on Bloglovin

Previously on northernmum….

Awards!

Tots100 MAD Blog Awards

Looking to Save Money?

Check out my thrify blog, full of ideas to eat and play well  – for less money!

www.fromspendingtosaving.co.uk

Northern Mum

Copyright © 2019 Northern Mum Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three
Site design with help from DigitalJen

Copyright © 2021 · Slush Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.Accept Read More
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.

SAVE & ACCEPT