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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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To my daughter, the night before she starts school

You have been excited for weeks, but only in the last few days have you started counting sleeps.  It seems this is an event bigger than Christmas and your tiny little face lights up with stars every time we discuss starting ‘big school.’

You have tried on your uniform time and time again, solemnly put your tiaras to one side, replacing them with plaid headbands in preparation.  Your sparkly shoes with tiny heels now have to live in the car, so you can change when the end of day bell rings.

You are ready, so, so ready.

But I am not my beautiful little girl, you see for me, it was only moments ago that you were born.  I held you, this immaculate creation of mine, soft and pink against my breast.  I fed you, washed you, adored you for days without paying a care to the rest of the world.  You found your spot in my heart and it has grown filling me with joy from the inside out.

We have played all manner of silly games in the last few years. I am the mummy, sometimes I play the baby, often I am shopkeeper who plays too much on their phone.  Maybe I should have put it down more if I had realised how quickly time was going to pass. Probably not, because watching you mimic me, typing on an imaginary screen, talking ‘work’ on a plastic phone and doing air squats in the lounge makes me realise that I am what you think a mother should be, strong, frantic, but always with time for hugs.

And that’s ok with me.

But today I have wanted to slow down the clock, to silence the ticking.  I don’t want to share you with school, whilst I passionately delight in seeing you grow.  I want to give you wings, give you the foundations to see the world and find happiness in every corner.  Yet, I also want to hold you tight a moment longer before you move onto the stage of your life.

I will miss you on Monday when we would go to the gym then cavort in the local soft play.  I will have to count out the fruit on my own on Wednesdays when I go get our weekly shop.  Thursday’s tea and treat will be tedious alone and my weekly tidy up will be cleaner but not half as much fun without you sweeping glitter onto the floor behind me.

But you….

You won’t even know I am not there.  You will be playing, learning, singing, jumping, having a bundle of fun which doesn’t need mum.  You have practised your ‘will you be my friend smile’ until your cheeks ache, and I have no doubt that you will come home tomorrow with an armful of stories and a sackful of best buddies.

It is now that you start to learn to fly, that you make those first steps away from the nest.  My heart may be sore but I will give you a nudge if you need it.

Because you are ready, and it is time for me to learn to let go.

Until 3.15, when our playtime starts all over again.

Have an exciting first day at school my munchkin.

Love you

Mummy

xxx

First day at school

Comments

  1. Emma says

    September 2, 2014 at 4:25 pm

    Beautiful, I’m totally going to miss Erin too.

    Reply
  2. Katy Hill says

    September 2, 2014 at 4:27 pm

    Ah – hugs to you both for a smooth morning! I’m hoping for the same as my youngest starts tomorrow too. Where DID that time go? Like you, I know it’s the right time, but I’d give ANYTHING to press pause for a bit longer x

    Reply
  3. Jen aka The Mad House says

    September 2, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    Oh Jane, such a bittersweet time. She looks like butter wouldn’t melt. I wonder if she comes home as scruffy as my boys do.

    I miss my boys terribly, but love them coming home and our quality time together and I can actually go to the loo in peace when they are at school. Come and link to my back to school link up

    Reply
  4. Chris says

    September 2, 2014 at 5:02 pm

    Beautiful, her and you. I’ve written in a similar vein today, all those little steps and then they fly! It’s magnificent but, Oof, it hurts! Xxx

    Reply
  5. Emma says

    September 2, 2014 at 5:33 pm

    Awww Jane, she looks so little and scrummy, I hope tomorrow goes well. x

    Reply
  6. Kim Carberry says

    September 2, 2014 at 5:44 pm

    Awww!! The will you be my friend smile will surely win everyone over!
    I hope she has great first day at school x

    Reply
  7. Katie @mummydaddyme says

    September 2, 2014 at 8:03 pm

    This made me cry Jane! We have a year left to go but I am already dreading it. Good luck to your beautiful little girl on her first day. x

    Reply
  8. Rhian @melbs says

    September 2, 2014 at 10:35 pm

    Sniff! Baby Libs going to school already. Xxxxx

    Reply
  9. Helloitsgemma says

    September 5, 2014 at 9:14 pm

    Get a grip.

    Reply
  10. Mel says

    September 7, 2014 at 7:30 pm

    What a beautiful letter to your little one. She will love reading it when she is older! My second is more than ready for school, and quite desperate to go, but as she was born in September, she will have to wait another year… Found your blog through your article in Tots 100.

    Reply
  11. Susan Mann says

    September 10, 2014 at 10:29 am

    Aww that’s lovely, I hope she is getting on well x

    Reply
  12. lorna says

    September 11, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    Hi jane, lorna from preschool oh this is so moving awww made me get a lump in my throat. Hope she is enjoying school, she looks very smart in her uniform. Hope you can fetch her in soon to say hi Xx

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      September 12, 2014 at 12:18 pm

      Thanks Lorna, and we will pop in soon x x x

      Reply

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Jane is a working Mum of three and has great hair. One of these things may not be true.

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