A curious realisation occurred to me this morning as I was out running alongside a French canal. It was one that has popped. into my mind before in the last few months, and a decision I am coming more and more to desire.
I think I want to cut out alcohol entirely from my lifestyle.
Since changing my diet to predominantly Paleo back in February I have found the day to day benefits to be astounding. Renewed energy levels, weight loss, a love of working out and better sleep. I have woken up each morning ready to seize the day and am enjoying every second of life.
I thought I liked drinking, the pleasant soft feeling that accompanies a glass of wine, the way I find he who helped create them’s jokes funnier after two, the extra confidence boost that usually accompanies a few.
The first night of our holiday I had half a litre of rose wine. For a short while I felt hilarious, then I caught sight of myself in the mirror. My eyes were glazed, my vision blurry, I needed the buggy to support my walk home.
I was officially a lightweight.
I fell to sleep before the kids, and woke up feeling thirsty and still tired in the morning.
I didn’t like it.
Since then, without even thinking, I have not really factored wine (or gin) into our vacation.
And much to my own surprise – I have not missed it.
I had a small glass of beer yesterday afternoon, it was pleasant enough but one was enough.
I barely recognise myself.
Then today, when out on a run, I thought more about giving up for good.
Would it be so hard? Would I continue to feel so much better?
I am not a fan of never say never, as history has taught me that it can be a foolish mistake. Proof that nothing is forever for me can be seen everytime I order my steak blue rare – I was a vegetarian for thirteen years.
It is stupid, but I worry, if I cut out the booze will I become Fun Bobby from friends. The party guy who turns into a solemn bore when he removes alcohol from his life? Will friends find me tedious to hang out with as I order water to their wine?
At one point last year I drank at least a glass of wine every day (and my glasses are large). I needed that glass, and if the bottle was empty I would panic a little internally. I am an all or nothing person and it is hard for me to change this. Plus I kind of like the way I embrace change and have a determined focus on any thing I choose to do. Whilst I can take or leave booze, I cannot deny at times it has been a crutch to lean on.
I don’t enjoy the memory that I needed a glass of wine. I don’t remember with huge enthusiasm the silly arguments that I have had at home following a bottle of wine. The stupid overshares on Facebook, the morning after fear of checking my phone to see who I texted and what I said.
I think I may be giving up, trying to a sober road for a while.
Is it something you could do?