A Choking Emotion

by

It can be a choking emotion.

Love.

Whilst the sensation of loving your family flows continuously through your veins, the surprise of catching a moment where you realise how much in love you are, can be suffocating.

It caught me today, forced tears to my eyes and filled my heart so intensely I thought that surely the world could hear its beat.

I was stood, chopping parsnips for a sunday roast.  Watching an old romantic comedy on the TV for distraction as I worked.  The twins were off at play, building up an appetite for tea.  The kitchen was scented with roasting ham and rosemary coated carrots.  My stomach rumbled as I sliced, reminding me to hurry along.

From the lounge I heard the sound of singing, a made up tune, it was a song of princesses, sang by a little girl in a mermaid dress.  The childish tones tickled my eyes, and warmed my senses enough that I put down the knife and followed the song.

Pausing by the open door to our central room, I peeked through a gap and quietly waited.

The scene was strong enough to make me weep the happiest of tears.

My daughter, turning four this month stood twirling on the red rug, her cheeks bright with merriment.  Her mermaid costume clung tightly to her and she sang of princes coming to her rescue.  To her right, sat a second princess, fully embroiled in the game, a pink crown sat upon his lovely jet black hair and he acted out the part of Cinderella to keep his little girls fantasy alive.

Love in a moment.

I watched the two of them play as content washed over me, as I closed my eyes to savour their babbles and chatter and saw images of him holding her when she was born.  Adoration clear in his eyes.

My mind played a movie of moments that are easy to remember, her in his arms when she was so small, her bum shuffling towards him for a bedtime cuddle.  His face when she had a seizure and for one terrifying minute when we thought she was gone.  His pride as he clutched his tiny little girl swamped in a massive spica cast when we fixed her dislocated hip.

His smile when she walked for the first time after living so long in plaster.

His beam when he walks through the door and she flies towards his legs.

I didn’t say a word, I merely added the memory to the many thousands I own, wrapped it up tight in my chest and walked back to the kitchen and continued to make tea.

The Beatles created a perfect cliche when they said all you need is love.

DDH: after spica
My Daddy

 

 

25 thoughts on “A Choking Emotion”

  5. Aw Jane this is one of your best. This is why we blog, to try and get some of that down in black and white, so we can’t ever forget that this is how we felt. But you’re right – the special moments live in your own memory, and are sometimes all the better for only being in there. Lovely lovely post x

  13. Lovely Jane, just lovely. Feeling the love oozing from my mac right now.

    The mac computer not flasher mac – that would 50 shades of wrongness…

  20. You’ve got me too, sniffs. You’ve captured this moment so beautifully and I know exactly what you mean. I often have these moments where I could burst with love for my little lady. It’s so overwhelming…

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