It all boils down to communication, or lack of it as it would seem in our case. Although I have spoken to numerous girlfriends and it seems to be a common problem across all relationships that involve two people of a different gender.
Our husbands, partners, boyfriends, lovers, simply do not understand the language we speak.
Now I understand my husband perfectly. I am fluent in his own unique way of combining words. When he asks ‘what is there for tea?’, I translate it immediately into ‘what are you cooking for tea?’.
When he flies into the bedroom, with his ear tips pink with rage asking where the screwdriver is, I clearly hear the words…
“What the hell did you do with my tools, stop touching my stuff, stop it, stop it….
…And tell me where the hell it is.”
When I respond to his true words with a simple disclaimer that I have never seen said screwdriver and perhaps he should look where he last had it. I fully realise the grunt he utters is his way of telling me to feck right off.
When the screwdriver turns up later in a place that only he could have placed it I know the silence that follows really means sorry.
Well I think it does, I am better at interpreting words over silence.
But him? And most other menfolk I encounter are simply terrible at comprehending us women.
I buy a new dress, stand for hours in the store – twisting side to side seeing if it suits. I fall in love with said frock, and I adopt it, bring it home, give it shelter in my wardrobe. When it is ready, I take it out to show it off, I ask the other half how it looks. Any other women would hear the blatant desperation in my question and the real question which is…
“I look good, don’t I?”.
Another woman would take time to compliment in her response, adorn with praise about how desirable the dress is.
A husband?
He translates the question into Swahili and simply hears,
“I have a new dress, do you want to ask me what it cost?”
And quickly he replies back,
“Is it new? How much was it?”
The dress is insulted, I realise I should have taken it out with my friends first, they don’t care about the price tag.
He always misses the meaning…
I say, “the dishwasher has finished.”
He simply agrees.
I say, “the washing is dry on the line.”
He comments on what a great day for laundry it has been.
When I ask why the dishwasher is still full and the clothes are now hard enough to suit the tinman, he replies “you didn’t ask me to do it, I thought you were making conversation.”
Conversation is usually marginally better in our house.
And of course, when I say, ‘I’m tired, I am going to have an early night.”
He starts to beam and translates, “I could not be hornier right now, please quickly strip to undies, leap into bed and start groping at my ladies lumps.”
Is it misunderstanding – or just hopefulness?
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Thanks
xxxx
Ah, one and the same. I could have written this, although not nearly as well obvs x
aw shucks thanks
What a brilliantly observed and written piece. Wish I’d authored it! The Vicar went off for a week to Paris yesterday. ‘I hope my bag isn’t too heavy,’ he said that dawn in bed. And with intuition worthy of you I knew he was saying can you give me a lift to the station in your nightie before getting the kids up. So I did.
You are fluent!
Ha ha, personally I think they misunderstand on purpose, especially the early night thing!
Totally!
Ah men…continually they confuse me
they do it on purpose
Haha! Spot. On.
Thanks x
And yet it was always me that got the blame for not been clear enough?!!
they are clever like that
*snorting and nodding wildly*
*beams*
Whilst Badger was away for the weekend I completely sorted and re decorated our bedroom – when he got back he asked if I could get a laundry basket for our room rather than the bathroom, because he didn’t want to litter the floor with socks! I nearly fell over – yesterday he made the bed when he got up – seriously after 25 years together this is the 1st time ever he has done it! I’m worried now about what he’s done or broken to result in this behaviour!
If you get flowers then question heavily!
oh lovely how right you are. absolutely love the way you write so i am going to vote for you 🙂
why thank you very much x
Funny, how we understand them so well but they just cannot seem to get it right for us! Mich x
Simple folk really x
Yep! Totally confuse me too!
silly beggars
Brilliant! Another one in our house is “I’m going out tonight” which he seems to interpret as “I’d like to go out but I promise I will only go if I have made your dinner, put the child to bed, tidied up and made you a cup of tea”. Numpty!
Ha!
Yes, yes. What is for tea? or more recently ‘Do you have any thoughts on what we might have for tea?’
That old chesnut!
i love it when they say yeah yeah then give it half hour and they ask you back the same question? brilliant just brilliant
xx
As ever you’re completely spot on. My husband’s most common phrase is “of course I was listening when you asked me to do that, but I just didn’t hear the question”. I’ve started sending him emails instead!
oooh wise!
It’s that old chestnut Mars and Venus again isn’t it?