The day I discovered the affair…

It would seem I am in a whole heap of shite.

Today; today has been a revelation.  I have discovered adultery, betrayal and I have sunk further into the pits of depression than I ever believed possible.

The affair is unforgivable, I am a wreck, I feel empty.

I don’t even know when it started, but it can’t have been going on for long.  I confess, I am not entirely innocent, I admit I have been neglectful with my attentions, but did I deserve this?

Does the punishment befit the crime…

Today I discovered the horrible truth, that my motivation has been seducing my willpower and no the pair of them have ran off together; leaving me alone and destitute.  I saw them run hand in hand through the doors at the gym,  they waited until I was fully clothed in Lycra with sweat band wrapped round my head, finger hovering over the start button on the treadmill.  Then they left me, without even so much as a goodbye.  I can still hear their happy cackles when I close my eyes.

Bastardos.

Without them, I was powerless, the treadmill never even started and I had wandered off into the bar area and had ordered myself a large G and T and a super size bag of peanuts.  The G and T went down like silk and the peanuts were munched merrily without a hint of guilt – it wasn’t my fault, I was the victim.

Later that evening I thought about running and found myself buried in smarties and skips, I don’t even know how I got there.

It would seem my legs don’t work without my willpower and motivation.  The only place I run is the fridge.

It is 22 weeks till the marathon and I have yet to complete a mile.  The loss of willpower and motivation have forced me to turn to my inner stupidity to step up and help me to train.  After all, it was stupidity that got me into this mess; but, we were both relying on willpower and motivation to pull us out of it.

It would seem that we are on our own,

My stupidity and I; and a 26 mile monster.

As I said, a whole pile of shite.

16 thoughts on “The day I discovered the affair…”

  1. Lol! I know that feeling. Keep at it – and just think of the joyous feeling when you cross that finishing line – elation doesn’t quite describe it!

    p.s. just also wanted to let you know that following my ops for hip dysplasia in 2009 I ran my first post-op marathon at the beginning of October. If I can do it with wonky hips, so can you 🙂

  2. You can do it…. pick yourself up and imagine your training officially starts today or tomorrow or day after that. This is a snotty time of year to get motivated and stay that way…. we just want to hibernate and eat chocolate – so don’t be too hard on yourself. X

  3. With a title like that I just had to read. I was almost totally sucked in until I reminded myself this is Northern Mum, there’s a twist here, I know it!
    I have the same battles between motivation and willpower at times. Don’t give up. Every day is a new day and you can start afresh, numerous times, It’s never too late. We. almost never too late!

    xx Jazzy

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