Sometimes I feel like the job of parenting was a little missold to me.
All the parenting books I read spoke of the pleasure of holding your baby to your busom, of the overwhelming love that would consume you once little Fred or Freya was placed in your arms.
And I got that, I nearly broke with adoration when BB was born and nothing prepared me for the wave of emotion that flooded my every sense when the twins lay in each arm.
However whilst that love roots itself within you spreading its branches in your soul as every year passes, ultimately the initial rush of euphoria wears off and real life parenting kicks in.
In real life parenting it is not uncommon for your small bundles of joy to verbally abuse you when they pass the major milestone of four.
Twin boy once took this to the extreme when in a supermarket once after being refused a packet of smarties he pointed at me, shrieked, legged it down the broccoli aisle and told every living person he encountered that I was not his mother and I was ‘stealing’ him…
In real life parenting it is not uncommon to dive headfirst into a bottle of gin following bedtime gone wrong; when the bathroom was turned into Flippers boudoir and lights out was misinterpreted as round one between scrapping siblings…
In real life parenting it is not uncommon to emerge from a nappy change panting, red faced, with hair barely clinging to it’s roots and shitto halfway up your arm.
In real life parenting your kids are liable to bellow out queries like “mummy why is she so fat?” to the larger lady hovering in the sweet aisle in Tesco. They are also liable to tell the spotty faced cashier that mummy is buying courgettes and carrots because she is making no point soup and that makes her farts smell real bad…
My boys are both in their bedrooms after non-stop fighting….it’s my equivalent of time out for older kids! They are allowed to read but THAT IS IT until morning!
Eldest says “I am sending them to jail”….blogging about this tonight, stay tuned
xx
Love a bit of jail time!
phew…thank god for minimal poopage…seen enough of that today to last me the week…roll on preschool tomorrow!
Got to love the things the kids say….we walked past a lady in the Asda carpark & Jack said in a very loud voice (he says everything in a very loud voice) ‘I don’t like that lady….she’s got white hair’….. thankfully he’s not great with his colours & it was red so I’m hoping she didn’t realise he meant her!
x
Keep the children ignorant – like it!
Note to self: never teach colours to BB
You forgot to mention the one about real life parenting including scenes that can make you vomit. Like your non-toddling toddler doing a poo on your pillow before smearing it all over your clean sheets. Joy.
You are never getting over that poo are you?
We are way past the stage of twin poop in this house but still have various real life parenting episodes such as throwing cupfuls of water out the bathroom windows and fighting over who gets everything and I mean everything, including a bump on the head. Do you think we should club together and write a ‘not gina ford’ real life twin survival guide?
they keep fighting????????????????? god help me
OH zero points soup is difficult to hide once kids get wind of what you are up to. As is the chocolate and wine that you consume behind the refridgerator door! Sooooo happy that you’re joining me on this massive challenge! 😉
I am not doing very well 🙁
Ahaha, the joys of real life parenting. Speaking of shitto I’ve just written a post for this evening on that subject.
marvellous – will be right over
All parenting books should be burned at the stake. They LIE. Lots. Thanks for making me chuckle today though 😀
anytime!
My child has not reached this yet. Is now the time to consider fostering him out before it all goes wrong?
Yes!
It’s shitto under the fingernails that drives me to wine. Once I’ve washed my hands obviously.
obviously!
The only thing keeping me sane through parenting is the knowledge that when I am old and senile I’ll get my own back on them!
In the meantime, I thank you for your humorous observations that reassure me I am not alone 🙂
Blimey I am glad I am not alone!