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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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Parenting: Missold the job of being a mother….

Sometimes I feel like the job of parenting was a little missold to me.

All the parenting books I read spoke of the pleasure of holding your baby to your busom, of the overwhelming love that would consume you once little Fred or Freya was placed in your arms.

And I got that, I nearly broke with adoration when BB was born and nothing prepared me for the wave of emotion that flooded my every sense when the twins lay in each arm.

However whilst that love roots itself within you spreading its branches in your soul as every year passes, ultimately the initial rush of euphoria wears off and real life parenting kicks in.

In real life parenting it is not uncommon for your small bundles of joy to verbally abuse you when they pass the major milestone of four.

Twin boy once took this to the extreme when in a supermarket once after being refused a packet of smarties he pointed at me, shrieked, legged it down the broccoli aisle and told every living person he encountered that I was not his mother and I was ‘stealing’ him…

In real life parenting it is not uncommon to dive headfirst into a bottle of gin following bedtime gone wrong; when the bathroom was turned into Flippers boudoir and lights out was misinterpreted as round one between scrapping siblings…

In real life parenting it is not uncommon to emerge from a nappy change panting, red faced, with hair barely clinging to it’s roots and shitto halfway up your arm.

In real life parenting your kids are liable to bellow out queries like “mummy why is she so fat?” to the larger lady hovering in the sweet aisle in Tesco.  They are also liable to tell the spotty faced cashier that mummy is buying courgettes and carrots because she is making no point soup and that makes her farts smell real bad…

 

Comments

  1. Super Amazing Mum says

    April 23, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    My boys are both in their bedrooms after non-stop fighting….it’s my equivalent of time out for older kids! They are allowed to read but THAT IS IT until morning!

    Eldest says “I am sending them to jail”….blogging about this tonight, stay tuned

    xx

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      April 24, 2012 at 8:20 pm

      Love a bit of jail time!

      Reply
  2. HELEN says

    April 23, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    phew…thank god for minimal poopage…seen enough of that today to last me the week…roll on preschool tomorrow!
    Got to love the things the kids say….we walked past a lady in the Asda carpark & Jack said in a very loud voice (he says everything in a very loud voice) ‘I don’t like that lady….she’s got white hair’….. thankfully he’s not great with his colours & it was red so I’m hoping she didn’t realise he meant her!
    x

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      April 24, 2012 at 8:20 pm

      Keep the children ignorant – like it!

      Note to self: never teach colours to BB

      Reply
  3. Molly says

    April 23, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    You forgot to mention the one about real life parenting including scenes that can make you vomit. Like your non-toddling toddler doing a poo on your pillow before smearing it all over your clean sheets. Joy.

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      April 24, 2012 at 8:20 pm

      You are never getting over that poo are you?

      Reply
  4. Fran (MultipleMumma) says

    April 23, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    We are way past the stage of twin poop in this house but still have various real life parenting episodes such as throwing cupfuls of water out the bathroom windows and fighting over who gets everything and I mean everything, including a bump on the head. Do you think we should club together and write a ‘not gina ford’ real life twin survival guide?

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      April 24, 2012 at 8:19 pm

      they keep fighting????????????????? god help me

      Reply
  5. Actually Mummy... says

    April 23, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    OH zero points soup is difficult to hide once kids get wind of what you are up to. As is the chocolate and wine that you consume behind the refridgerator door! Sooooo happy that you’re joining me on this massive challenge! 😉

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      April 24, 2012 at 8:19 pm

      I am not doing very well 🙁

      Reply
  6. SAHMlovingit says

    April 24, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    Ahaha, the joys of real life parenting. Speaking of shitto I’ve just written a post for this evening on that subject.

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      April 24, 2012 at 8:17 pm

      marvellous – will be right over

      Reply
  7. Bod for tea says

    April 25, 2012 at 6:01 am

    All parenting books should be burned at the stake. They LIE. Lots. Thanks for making me chuckle today though 😀

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      April 25, 2012 at 9:27 pm

      anytime!

      Reply
  8. Helloitsgemma says

    April 25, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    My child has not reached this yet. Is now the time to consider fostering him out before it all goes wrong?

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      April 25, 2012 at 9:25 pm

      Yes!

      Reply
  9. Blue Sky says

    April 25, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    It’s shitto under the fingernails that drives me to wine. Once I’ve washed my hands obviously.

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      April 25, 2012 at 9:43 pm

      obviously!

      Reply
  10. Five Go Blogging says

    April 26, 2012 at 7:44 am

    The only thing keeping me sane through parenting is the knowledge that when I am old and senile I’ll get my own back on them!
    In the meantime, I thank you for your humorous observations that reassure me I am not alone 🙂

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      April 26, 2012 at 9:32 pm

      Blimey I am glad I am not alone!

      Reply

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Jane is a working Mum of three and has great hair. One of these things may not be true.

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