It was my five year wedding anniversary recently. I know instantly this raises the question of how do I have two six year olds?
I feel duty bound to confess that I was guilty of biting the apple of seduction before I ensnared he who helped create them into making me his lawful wife.
The consequence being that the apple’s seed got wedged in my tummy and grew into two bouncing babes in nine short months. Meaning he who helped create them had to follow through and get down on bended knee pretty sharpish before my Dad chased after him with a shotgun.
The theme for surviving the institute of marriage for five years is wood,
for our anniversary he who helped create them got me a beautiful tree; . I followed a similar train of thought and bought him a card which I believe was produced from a tree; somewhere…
I spoke to a single friend recently about life “on the market” and there are things you forget when you have been tied down for a number of years.
The conversation forced me to remember a time when I had been with my other half for a significant period and I felt things were close to progressing to the next level.
Preparing for our dates took an immense amount of time and planning. Hairs were yanked mercilessly from all parts of my body and I covered every inch of myself in luxurious creams and lust enhancing scents. Underwear consisted of cleavage lifting brasseries and dental floss knickers, I even tried for a time to master the art of suspenders but put an end to that nonsense after one particularly embarrassing incident involving a loud snapping noise and an instant nora batty effect. My make up was done in front of a mirror and my shoes were polished. The whole preparation took hours to perfect and clearly it worked as I have my man.
But fast forward five years and time has told a different tale. Preparing now for a ‘date’ with my husband normally consists of switching from PJ’s to jeans and squirting deodorant in the air around me. Those dental floss knickers aren’t even worth using as dusters and I recently mistook a suspender belt for an elastic band with tussles. The lust enhancing scent is now locked in a cupboard for fear of it leading to child number four and hair removal has been banned for much the same reason.
Some days I really feel for he who helped create them….