• Home
  • Work with me / About me
  • Disclosure
  • Terms/Privacy Policy
    • Cookie Policy
    • Website Terms & Conditions
  • Contact

Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

  • facebook
  • twitter
  • instagram
  • youtube
  • mail

Sniffing each other’s bottoms

Thursday night is swimming night.  The whole evening tends to be a mad panic from the moment the school bell chimes right through to when the last child finally stops rabbi ting on and closes their eyes and drifts off to the land of nod.

This Thursday I collected the kids from school, performed a magnificent balancing act of carrying two lunch boxes, two book bags, a model of a car or a spaceship (I didn’t like to ask as it was deemed by twin boy as obvious) two PE kits, one buggy containing a child in a rather heavy spica cast and two six year olds.  I paused at the car after unloading everything inside and tying each child to their respective seat and waited for a round of applause; sadly it didn’t come.

Back at the ranch we ate a hearty tea of beans on toast followed by a squirty yoghurt which twin boy squirted straight down his jumper and then we about turned and legged it out of the house.  Again my balancing was to be commended as I carried the baby with a bar between her legs on my hips, my handbag on one arm, a book to entertain BB with between my teeth and a swimming bag swung from my back nestling on the shelf that is my arse.

We arrived at the pool; unable to help the twins undress in any way as BB remained heavily perched on my hip.  So I chose to bark orders like a sergeant major earning myself unreserved glances of disapproval from other caring mothers who helped their own children into their obscenely tight swimming hats rather than getting one six year old to try and put the other six year olds hat on their head.

The whole event was interrupted by BB having a bowel movement so whilst twin boy and twin girl continued to ‘fold’ their clothes and attempt to put lycra on each other’s head I dashed to the bathroom to remove the offending item from one of BB’s two nappies.

Task successfully achieved I returned to find twin boy and twin girl attempting to ‘sniff’ each other to see who had the smelliest private parts, again I found myself earning unreserved glances of disapproval from other caring mothers whose children didn’t put their noses up their siblings bottoms.

Finally the twin’s were dropped in the pool and BB and I headed upstairs as usual to the viewing area to watch them splutter and splash threw thirty minutes of swimming.  Upstairs another mother played with her daughter who was the same age as BB and she chased her little girl mercifully round the viewing arena struggling to keep her in one place for any length of time.  This mother looked knackered, her daughter wrecked havoc gleefully, scattering leaflets, knocking over drink cups and having a whale of a time.

Then it hit me, like a huge bloody giant’s fist right in the chest.  The whole events of the preceding week came crashing down on my shoulders and I struggled to keep myself in check as I sat in the viewing area of the local swimming baths.

My daughter, my 21 month old daughter, sat restricted on my legs, staring with unabashed envy at the little girl who was maximising her legs to her full potential.  She didn’t even try to move; she merely sat on my lap and fat silent tears dripped down both of our cheeks.  Together we cried for all she had endured and for all she was missing now.  Together our tears hit her cast and I wiped them away with a heavy hand, wishing it was my limbs entrapped within it not that of my baby girl.

Then I did what any good mother does in this situation…

I bought chocolate and BB and I ate it with sheer abandonment, sticky grins covering our faces as sugar healed all our woes.

I think he who helped create them can do the swimming run next week….

It is blog award time again, this time for Brilliance in Blogging, if you want to vote for any bloggers please click here; if you want to vote for me *blushes* then you need my name: Northernmum and my URL: www.northernmum.wordpress.com  I would be over the moon to be nominated in the categories of ‘Laugh’, ‘Lit’ or ‘Outstanding’.  I would be less pleased to be nominated for ‘best Daddy blog’ but would take the hint on board that it is time to shave my legs and pluck my chin!

NB: You dont have to be a blogger to vote!

Comments

  1. mummymummymum says

    February 24, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    Awww Jane, I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you. Fingers crossed the next few months go by quickly for you both.

    Huge hugs xxx

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      February 24, 2012 at 9:25 pm

      Thanks emma x x x

      Reply
  2. The Mad House says

    February 24, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Ah shucks, I do not know what is more shocking, the fact that your children wear swimming caps or the fact that they were sniffing at each other.

    Stay strong or not as the case may require and eat chocolate, you can diet when it is all done

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      February 24, 2012 at 9:26 pm

      We have to wear swimming caps, just for the sheer pleasure of removing them at the end of a long week…. 🙂

      Reply
  3. scarlettruby says

    February 24, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    Chocolate is the instantly gratifying answer to almost any question and the comforting balm to almost any situation.
    You will survive – and – triumph! 🙂

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      February 24, 2012 at 9:27 pm

      Thanks! I hope so x

      Reply
  4. anna tims (@ageingmatron) says

    February 24, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Would you mind starting a blog moratorium for a week. Your posts always distract me from my deadlines and now I’ve completely lost my train of thought on pawn. I’m glad yours are as keen on the nethers as mine are. My son goes to quite alarming lengths of biological exploration with his sister in the bath. And I’m very sorry that times are so hard for you. Still, week two nearly done…!

    Reply
    • Actually Mummy... says

      February 24, 2012 at 3:56 pm

      Pawn Mrs Vicar? Or porn?

      Reply
      • janeblackmore says

        February 24, 2012 at 9:28 pm

        *sniggers* great retort!

        Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      February 24, 2012 at 9:28 pm

      Always be nice for the kids when they read this when they are older!!! X x

      Reply
  5. Actually Mummy... says

    February 24, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Jeez I can’t imagine! I loathe swimming lessons, and that’s without a baby in a cast – you are a superhero!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      February 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

      You think that because of my cape don’t you?

      Reply
  6. Jacq says

    February 24, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    I’ve caught the three girls sitting naked on the landing showing each other their ‘willies’!!!! But not at swimming so that’s okay, isn’t it?
    I hate swimming but it has got a bit better now they are all in the water.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      February 24, 2012 at 9:30 pm

      LOL. Did they find their willies?

      Reply
  7. Mandi says

    February 24, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    You and your family are an inspiration. My heart goes out to you at this time. It WILL pass and you will all be stronger for this experience. Keep smiling and eating chocolate and be proud of your family!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      February 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm

      Thanks, I am going to be huge at the end of this! X

      Reply
  8. SAHMlovingit says

    February 24, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    Aw woman…you always make me laugh my ass off of and cry all in one post. My pregnant emotions can’t handle it any more.

    Big hugs to you and BB. Chocolate is the saviour of all 🙂

    xx

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      February 24, 2012 at 10:06 pm

      Sorry!!!

      I have a terrible image now of your ass falling off…

      X

      Reply
  9. mothersalwaysright says

    February 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    I tell you, chocolate is the cure. For what it’s worth, I took F to her first new swimming lesson this week. Ended up getting undressed, dressed and then undressed again after getting confused as to whether parents were meant to be in the pool with young offspring or not. Highlight of the day was the two 4 year old girls in the toilets after the class, loudly discussing if they were “doing a poo or a wee”. F spent the whole time sitting on a bench looking bemused at everyone walking around her. If I have to tell one more person her age and make one more explanation about her “not walking” I think I may scream. We love BB and her beautiful spica cast and will be on hand to provide chocolate to her (and wine to you) as long as it is in existence.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      February 24, 2012 at 10:07 pm

      Keep the wine flowing….

      Love you x

      Reply
  10. JallieDaddy says

    February 24, 2012 at 11:28 pm

    Poor girl. Remember 1 thing though: she’s lucky that she has such a great Mum

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      February 25, 2012 at 9:28 am

      Awwww thanks 🙂

      Reply
  11. eviegracesmummy says

    February 25, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Big hugs to you and BB? Who’s ‘private parts’ smelt worse then?? X

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      February 25, 2012 at 1:37 pm

      I declined to enter the smelling contest!!!

      Reply
  12. richmondmummy says

    February 25, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    I laughed… I cried…. I HEART your blog 🙂 and will defo be nominating you for a BiB Award, you deserve it missus. Sending lots of love for a speedy recovery for BB and in the meantime, eat all the chocolate you need, medicinal purposes ‘n’ all that… xxx

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      February 25, 2012 at 6:29 pm

      Thank you ,

      I have just been out and purchased a lifetime supply of weight watchers chocolate!

      happy medium

      Reply
      • richmondmummy says

        February 25, 2012 at 9:00 pm

        genius, enjoy x

        Reply
        • janeblackmore says

          February 25, 2012 at 9:56 pm

          hmm just had one bar it doesnt leave me with the satisfying feeling I get after eating a giant sized dairy milk….

          Reply
          • richmondmummy says

            February 26, 2012 at 8:14 am

            well there is that…
            perhaps though you could eat double…. as it’s weight watchers….

          • janeblackmore says

            February 26, 2012 at 8:55 am

            Hmmm I am not sure that will have the desired effect, cab you believe I dieted all day yesterday and didn’t lose a pound, not a single one….

          • richmondmummy says

            February 28, 2012 at 9:07 pm

            oh god that just sucks! I remember wearing these sweat off your fat hot pants things a while back, wore them all day all night thinking i was going to be svelte in no time, stepped on the scales and nada, zilch, zip… had to go scoff a load of chocolate to console myself!

          • janeblackmore says

            February 28, 2012 at 10:05 pm

            chocolate: really does cure all evils!

  13. Debra Ceka says

    February 25, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    You had me in stitches with the swimming caps and sniffing! Then almost in tears for what you and your daughter have been through, I really feel for you. What a fab post! x

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      February 25, 2012 at 9:56 pm

      Thanks! and cheers for stopping by x

      Reply
  14. Anna says

    February 25, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    I could cry for you and BB, and I’ll definitely join you in the chocolate consumption. I hope her time in the spica goes quickly, and all these difficult times soon become distant memories.
    As for your kids sniffing each other, I suppose it is marginally more embarrassing than when we were at a party earlier today and The Baby was in the arms of a relative who has met her all of twice, shouting “Daaaaaaaddy! Change nappy! Done a poo poo”. I was so glad she announced it to the entire room.
    x

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      February 25, 2012 at 11:06 pm

      I have high hopes for The Baby! xxx

      Reply
  15. Katie says

    February 25, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    I’m so glad you wrote this my kids smell
    each others bottoms especially after the trump episode that has just took place !! ( thankfully in our home may I add) but I felt your pain about bb ! Chin up hun only you will remember these weeks and bb will know no different when she’s older and chocolate is the best medicine for any little one . Turn that frown upside down as bb will be joining in before you know it x x x Lol

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      February 26, 2012 at 5:02 am

      Trumping? Was it you?

      Reply
      • Katie says

        February 26, 2012 at 9:24 pm

        Haha they wouldn’t need to be near my rear if it was me lol (silent but deadly type !!)

        Reply
        • janeblackmore says

          February 26, 2012 at 9:49 pm

          I feel I know you so much better suddenly….

          Reply
  16. sarsm says

    February 26, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    You should defo send the man next week and stay home and open a bottle of gin x

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      February 26, 2012 at 10:12 pm

      I like your style!

      Reply
  17. Sara (@TeenyTinyBean) says

    February 28, 2012 at 11:18 am

    Every time I take a guilty pleasure break at work and read one of your posts, my face lights up with joy and then is often crumpled in tears a moment later. How on earth do you do it? Thanks for sharing both the sweetness and sour of your life without whinging and moaning… I hear enough of that at work!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      February 28, 2012 at 1:18 pm

      thanks sara, that comment made my day x

      Reply
  18. The Boy and Me (@TheBoyandMe) says

    March 10, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    Second time I’ve read it, second time I’ve cried. Even though this is for her own good in the long run, in the short-term, it must be so hard on her.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      March 13, 2012 at 6:51 pm

      Sorry to make you cry and she is doing so well now! X

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Parenting without alcohol…… « Northern Mummy with Southern Children says:
    March 16, 2012 at 8:00 am

    […] is the parenting guidelines for when your daughter tries to sniff her brothers bottom in a shared changing […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Jane is a working Mum of three and has great hair. One of these things may not be true.

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 10,117 other subscribers

Categories

  • All Posts
  • BB's journey with DDH
  • Breastfeeding
  • mummyblog
  • Paleo / Crossfitting
  • Reviews / Featured Content
  • Travel / Out and About
  • Twin Girl and Type 1 Diabetes
  • Uncategorized

Tots 100

TOTS100 - UK Parent Blogs
TOTS100

Search

Follow on Bloglovin

Follow on Bloglovin

Previously on northernmum….

Awards!

Tots100 MAD Blog Awards

Looking to Save Money?

Check out my thrify blog, full of ideas to eat and play well  – for less money!

www.fromspendingtosaving.co.uk

Northern Mum

Copyright © 2019 Northern Mum Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three
Site design with help from DigitalJen

Copyright © 2021 · Slush Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.Accept Read More
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.

SAVE & ACCEPT