Lots of bloggers are quite crafty, or arty, or foodie. I am none of these things; in fact most days I would describe myself as a cynical blogger who frequently bleats on about stuff parents really shouldn’t share.
With this in mind I have decided to try my hand at a new blogging genre and introduce a recipe onto northernmum. I am a poor cook but somehow I manage to get this perfect every time.
A recipe for disaster.
Prep time: 20 minutes, Cooking time; 2 hours until boiling point.
Ingredients:
A late night
A hot day
Three children
Two adults
One car, ideally unclean with the aroma of raisins food gone stale.
One CD entitled 50 greatest children’s hits
One traffic Jam
Recipe
The night before preparing, please marinate the three children by keeping them well up past bedtime and to ensure maximum taste satisfaction fill them with sugar and biscuits to make sure they are on a sugar come down the next day.
Please put all ingredients into the car except the traffic jam in the car. Place the CD in the player and set to play. For added zing turn off the air conditioning that way you should reach boiling point quicker.
Set the CD to loud and whisk all the ingredients together. After about half an hour add in the traffic jam.
Leave to simmer, you can tell the dish is simmering by the occasional cry from the baby and arguments between the older two that start to come at regular frequencies.
When the dish begins to moan and whine at a high pitch level, season with a good yell from one grown up whilst the other stirs the pot by declaring that shouting won’t get anyone anywhere.
You will know the dish is ready to serve when Bob the Builder is repeated for the sixth time and at least fifty percent of the car is tearful and at least one child is at wailing point and one parents head has exploded.
Please serve up immediately, disaster is a dish best served warm.
Enjoy!
I’m guessing it was your head that exploded?
Still exploding just adding more flavour…..
Love it, I’m REALLY good at this recipe, I tried it two days on the trot this weekend and its tastes even better today!!!!!!
Lol, I have never been able to manage freezing it…
I have tried this recipe many times…always ends in the threat of divorce!
Hmmm, maybe you need to add a bit of cream to the reciepe?
surely you mean arsenic?
Helen!
That would take out the kids as well!
Now we all know kids won’t eat cream so add your ingredient to my cream and viola! A quickie divorce….
🙂
perfect……..
see you in court……..’it was all her idea m’lord’…..
And the power to delete comments stays in my fingers!!
You didn’t screen shot did you?
One thing that is guaranteed to add extra spice to the dish ….. the words “I need a poo!”.
Oh good lord,
It always happens doesn’t it?
Mainly as you past the sign saying “welcome break” 70 miles….
Lol! I particularly like your method for stirring. This is a technique that can be applied to many recipes…
We are both great at it.
I like to assume my best grown up face and say; “darling, shouting just breeds more shouting.”. Then I sit back and watch his face turn a deep crimson.
Its a cheap way to get your kicks but hey ho! 🙂
Genius!
Awwww *blushes* are you cooking tonight?
What a coincidence – we tried this recipe out ourselves just yesterday. We were minus one of the ingredients though (one of the parents) so it was mainly just me shouting to myself while the baby got teary. For added kick I suggest adding a special ingredient: driving two hours from a weekend away and realising you’ve left your phone 70 miles away just as you pull up to your front door.
Youch!
Did you tell yourself off?
I like your way of writing! You should post more often…