did you choose to be a father?

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Mealtimes at our house are messy. BB likes to toss food about like confetti, showering all who get in her way and twin boy’s eating style resembles a farmyard animal; and I am not talking about a chicken here.

Our dinner is punctuated with the same old sayings every day;

“Elbows down”

“Don’t eat with your mouth full.”

“Take the knife off your baby sister.”

“Do not spit your food.”

“Stop trumping.”

He who helped create them dreads it; sitting at the table with us is quite possibly his own personal hell. I don’t know what he dislikes the most, the lip smacking, the deafening chewing or the indescribable mess. Actually I think he may rank them all equally.

Today was a particularly messy meal, all finger food which was spread equally across the table, in tummies, on faces and launched at the rabid hound. He who helped create them coped remarkably well at hiding his terror as twin boy licked his lips and slurped his way through his meal of homemade wraps, salad, and beans. For pudding twin boy requested canned prunes with ice cream; not the best meal for someone who has bowel issues at the best of times but that’s tomorrows nightmare (and potentially tomorrows blog)

To be honest it pushed us all over the edge; watching a sticky, dripping prune laced in ice cream enter twin boys mouth was bad enough; hearing it move wetly round his gums was tortuous and then watching the pip re emerge and drop onto a tissue was simply the noose on the rope. Standing no more he who helped create them snapped and cried;

“Owen*, for goodness sake could you be any messier and stop the noise its horrible.”

At this point, twin girl, still immaculate with no food anyway but her stomach, looked pointedly at her father and said;
“You chose to be a daddy, and now this is being a daddy!”

Anyone got a comeback from that?

(*Owen is indeed my sons real name for those of you that don’t know or thought I really was too lazy to call him anything other than twin boy.)

31 thoughts on “did you choose to be a father?”

  1. Clever girl. I expect Frog’s response will be something similar when she can eventually speak (and undoubtedly gets told off by her dad).

    Except, it would probably be the other way around, because the NLM is so messy he sometimes has to borrow her bibs. I’m not even joking.

  3. I suspect our table manners were shocking as when we were children, we only sat with our parents for Sunday lunch – OK sometimes there were other meals together but rarely – and my Mother’s mantra was “Eat up, sit up and shut up” We ate in the kitchen and I also remember our Nanny’s way of getting us to eat our food was to be able to bang our plates with the cry “first with a clean plate boom boom” Havent thought of that for years!

  4. Poor man, beaten from sides – can I suggest a large glass of whiskey before meals might make them more tolerable for him. So who does Owen take after???

  10. Thats brilliant! I love the description of the prune eating! I am laughing so much I’m going to have to let my husband read your post. I think he will empathise greatly with your husband, he also hates mealtime mess. We have 3 spillers!! xx

  13. Ha ha! Fabulous post. We’re not so messy here now although if she doesn’t want to eat DD will ‘paint’ with her food quite happily… 😀

  15. Shes a shrewd one that girl. You’re going to have to watch her.

    Disappointed to learn that your children have conventional names. Don’t telle your husbands not actually called ‘He who helped create them’ though…

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