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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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did you choose to be a father?

Mealtimes at our house are messy. BB likes to toss food about like confetti, showering all who get in her way and twin boy’s eating style resembles a farmyard animal; and I am not talking about a chicken here.

Our dinner is punctuated with the same old sayings every day;

“Elbows down”

“Don’t eat with your mouth full.”

“Take the knife off your baby sister.”

“Do not spit your food.”

“Stop trumping.”

He who helped create them dreads it; sitting at the table with us is quite possibly his own personal hell. I don’t know what he dislikes the most, the lip smacking, the deafening chewing or the indescribable mess. Actually I think he may rank them all equally.

Today was a particularly messy meal, all finger food which was spread equally across the table, in tummies, on faces and launched at the rabid hound. He who helped create them coped remarkably well at hiding his terror as twin boy licked his lips and slurped his way through his meal of homemade wraps, salad, and beans. For pudding twin boy requested canned prunes with ice cream; not the best meal for someone who has bowel issues at the best of times but that’s tomorrows nightmare (and potentially tomorrows blog)

To be honest it pushed us all over the edge; watching a sticky, dripping prune laced in ice cream enter twin boys mouth was bad enough; hearing it move wetly round his gums was tortuous and then watching the pip re emerge and drop onto a tissue was simply the noose on the rope. Standing no more he who helped create them snapped and cried;

“Owen*, for goodness sake could you be any messier and stop the noise its horrible.”

At this point, twin girl, still immaculate with no food anyway but her stomach, looked pointedly at her father and said;
“You chose to be a daddy, and now this is being a daddy!”

Anyone got a comeback from that?

(*Owen is indeed my sons real name for those of you that don’t know or thought I really was too lazy to call him anything other than twin boy.)

Comments

  1. mothersalwaysright says

    May 10, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    Clever girl. I expect Frog’s response will be something similar when she can eventually speak (and undoubtedly gets told off by her dad).

    Except, it would probably be the other way around, because the NLM is so messy he sometimes has to borrow her bibs. I’m not even joking.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      May 10, 2011 at 9:36 pm

      Ha, I am known to be a spiller, it must be a northern thing….

      Reply
  2. Kerry says

    May 10, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    Ha what a statement, there is no comeback really is there. She will go far in life with statements like that xx

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      May 10, 2011 at 9:37 pm

      I have high hopes!

      Reply
  3. fastandluce says

    May 10, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    I suspect our table manners were shocking as when we were children, we only sat with our parents for Sunday lunch – OK sometimes there were other meals together but rarely – and my Mother’s mantra was “Eat up, sit up and shut up” We ate in the kitchen and I also remember our Nanny’s way of getting us to eat our food was to be able to bang our plates with the cry “first with a clean plate boom boom” Havent thought of that for years!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      May 10, 2011 at 9:35 pm

      seriously i am going to try that

      Reply
  4. helloitsgemma says

    May 10, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    Poor man, beaten from sides – can I suggest a large glass of whiskey before meals might make them more tolerable for him. So who does Owen take after???

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      May 10, 2011 at 9:34 pm

      the dog…..

      Reply
  5. Alex Gray says

    May 10, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    ha ha ha, that’s girls, so damn clever!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      May 10, 2011 at 9:34 pm

      you bet ya x

      Reply
  6. Teawithonesugarplease says

    May 10, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    Brilliant retort from Twin Girl, she will rule the country x

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      May 10, 2011 at 9:34 pm

      she is hoping to be queen one day….

      Reply
  7. Liska says

    May 10, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    enjoy that biscuit x

    Reply
  8. Liska says

    May 10, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    “You chose to be a daddy, and now this is being a daddy!”

    ouch!

    x

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      May 10, 2011 at 9:37 pm

      i know! killer comment!

      Reply
  9. nazima says

    May 10, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    so funny . Children are so insightful and direct! Shame that we lose that as we grow up!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      May 10, 2011 at 9:58 pm

      i am not sure that she will…..

      Reply
  10. mummymummymum says

    May 10, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    Thats brilliant! I love the description of the prune eating! I am laughing so much I’m going to have to let my husband read your post. I think he will empathise greatly with your husband, he also hates mealtime mess. We have 3 spillers!! xx

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      May 10, 2011 at 10:01 pm

      I love the way you say I am going to ‘have to let’ my husband read your post!!!

      permission granted

      Reply
  11. Mcai7td3 says

    May 10, 2011 at 10:43 pm

    Clever girl! I can imagine hubby being a bit speechless 🙂

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      May 11, 2011 at 6:57 pm

      She’s a bright cookie…

      Reply
  12. Mammywoo says

    May 11, 2011 at 7:37 am

    Hilarious as ever!! What did he say?

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      May 11, 2011 at 6:49 pm

      His come back was poor; it was pardon……

      Reply
  13. Bod for tea says

    May 12, 2011 at 6:28 am

    Ha ha! Fabulous post. We’re not so messy here now although if she doesn’t want to eat DD will ‘paint’ with her food quite happily… 😀

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      May 12, 2011 at 10:22 am

      Not so messy? Please share your secret…..

      Reply
  14. Mel (MilkChic) says

    May 12, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    Haha! First round to twin girl… Sounds like Daddy has about a decade to learn to defend himself. I wouldn’t be placing any bets 😉

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      May 12, 2011 at 1:46 pm

      Ha. Have you any tips for him (or me) think we will need it…..

      Reply
  15. Pooky says

    May 12, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    Shes a shrewd one that girl. You’re going to have to watch her.

    Disappointed to learn that your children have conventional names. Don’t telle your husbands not actually called ‘He who helped create them’ though…

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      May 13, 2011 at 7:20 am

      Sorry *hands head in shame* dont worry he is called He who helped create them Blackmore – took a while to adjust to it, I call him he for short….

      Reply
  16. Muddling Along says

    May 15, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    That is one clever little girl… !

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      May 15, 2011 at 8:46 pm

      Thanks Hannah! x

      Reply

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