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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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no more sodding whinging

Seriously should I ever suffer a moment of softness or perhaps a blow to the head and you hear me say I would like a fourth child then you have my permission to shoot me. Don’t mess around with my kneecaps just go straight in for the kill; right between the eyes.

As lovely as they are, and mine have moments when they are absolute stars, really this whole offspring situation is getting old and immensely stressful. And I seriously cannot listen to any more bloody whining.

For example I am currently on a weekend break; once this meant an impulsive trip to Paris or New York or a country club in the cotswolds. The break would signal a time of peace and relaxation with the only stress rising from losing at a recreational game of tennis or billard’s.

So far my weekend break has involved a caravan, a lot of swimming with people shorter than me who don’t yet realise weeing in the pool is rather anti social, and a range of evening entertainment that starts at 5.30pm a time which used to be cocktail hour. To make matters worse the evening entertainment is led by a spotty teenager who clearly inhales speed before his performance to ensure he can speak at immense speed and at full pitch for three hours whilst the children clamber over him and the stage. His saving grace is that he distracts the children so we bigger people can seek solace in a bottle of gin and reminisce about holidays gone by.

But anyway with three children there is just not a moments peace; bb goes down for a nap and we have to go on overdrive for activities for the older two to ensure all three get enough positive attention. When they flip out through over tiredness which is inevitable as they are boogying on down until Cinderella’s coach turns into a pumpkin we have to resist giving them something to cry about by smacking them on their jacksie, as that is frowned upon (never did me any harm…) Although every little thing they do nicely we have to hold an award ceremony for. Everytime twin girl does something I ask first time she expects a round of applause. I am lucky if I even get a thank you when I wipe their backsides.

Don’t get me wrong, we are having a rather lovely time on our jolies, but there have been at least fifteen to twenty times when I could happily deny all knowledge that the older two belong to us.

In amongst many lovely times the worse moment has been when over-competitive twin boy turned into Satans spawn at soft play when his sister beat him in a race. Watched by a sea of fantastically behaved children I chose to walk away with bb in my arms tutting loudly as he who helped create them tried to calm the situation. To re emphasise that in no way could that writhing screeching child on the floor be mine I even commented to another parent “where’s the mother, that poor chap must be on his own…”

Twin girl is going through a stage of breaking down into pools of tears if you even hint at telling her off; and jaysus it is annoying. She managed to bawl through breakfast because we refused her choice of footwear for the day. Red sparkly heels are only appropriate day wear for ladies of the night…

And bb, well she is still at the age of adorable but she seems to want to play at four am and I have other things in the diary then.

So this blog is my permission slip for murder if you hear me murmuring about baby number four.

I just can’t take any more whinging…

Comments

  1. HELEN JESSUP says

    April 9, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    Ha ha, I love reading your posts, they make me laugh so much. It sounds just like my life….when I look at newborns I coo & feel that wave of broodiness sweeping over me so much I could quite easily have a 4th …..and then the next minute I’m crying ‘I can’t do this anymore’ when 2yr old constantly shouts and whinges and just goes on and on and on until my stress shoulder comes on and the only thing that makes it go away is a good slurp of rose *slurp*.
    And for the record, the breaking down into floods of tears doesn’t seem to be any better when they’re 8 either, I could hear my daughters wails earlier from the playhouse in the garden after asking her to put all the old pens in the bin!
    We’re off for our family caravan break at Easter ….joy! The only saving grace is the nice bottle of Zinfandel that they serve in the ‘clubhouse’………
    Enjoy your ‘break’ !!
    x

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      April 11, 2011 at 7:14 pm

      Rose wine should be sold as a prescription medication!

      Reply
  2. Louise strachan says

    April 9, 2011 at 9:26 pm

    Thanks for keeping it real! Your posts say what we all feel but don’t put into words as well as you. I have just had baby 4, but as number 1 is an adult he no longer counts in the whinging stakes – but believe me children 2 and 3 more than make up for it!!

    Louise
    http://www.blogggomy.blogspot.com

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      April 11, 2011 at 7:13 pm

      Oh good lord, 4 children how do you have time to blog???

      Reply
  3. Mum In Meltdown says

    April 9, 2011 at 9:45 pm

    Great post. Your right weekends now always revolve around the kids with the view that if they are happy we are happy…….why does it never turn out like that!! Just found your blog via twitter which I have just joined @muminmeltdown or pop over to muminmeltdown.blogspot.com.
    Will definitely be following you for updates of number 4!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      April 12, 2011 at 12:45 pm

      I will pop offer this eveing and say hi

      Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      April 12, 2011 at 12:45 pm

      sorry pop over!

      Reply
  4. Mcai7td3 says

    April 9, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    Hehe I do love your kids. We are trying to find a holiday and bloody he’ll it’s hard. Gone are the nice relaxing exotic beaches and in are the “safe”, “easy for buggy”, “bleurgh”, “bleurgh” etc places. Po

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      April 12, 2011 at 12:44 pm

      Dont forget the disco – gotta to have a disco……

      Reply
  5. Michelle Twin Mum says

    April 10, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    Mine are driving me crazy too and we go away on Wednesday – it will all eb very similar I expect!

    I am starting to wonder if Miss M is really your twin girl as she also does not listen, breaks down into tears if she thinks it will help her cause and is just generally high maintenance!

    Mich x

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      April 12, 2011 at 12:44 pm

      If she is mine would you mind time sharing her?

      Reply
  6. Miriam says

    April 10, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    You didn’t? Did you?!
    Did you really say that to the other woman!
    Wow! Loving you!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      April 12, 2011 at 12:44 pm

      If you cant make yourself laugh who else can you?

      Reply

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Jane is a working Mum of three and has great hair. One of these things may not be true.

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