Discretion – my kids have none. They were also at the back of the queue when tact was handed out.
In short this means they are all capable of giving olympic gold performances in the sport of embarrassing mummy.
Take today at the twins’ swimming class, the three of them conspired to find a new way of heating my face.
Our local baths are extremely uncomfortable. In fact unless they attached large spikes to edge up your backside when you sit down I don’t see how the swimming pool manufacturer could make it any more unpleasant to sit in. However owing to my own bad planning it is here I sit weekly with crippling back pains giving baby beautiful her bedtime milk.
To be honest whilst not being a ‘shy’ breastfeeder I am also not partial to getting my puppies out to an audience. Even more so at swimming lessons as there is a dubious looking chap who seems all a bit too interested when baby beautiful starts to nuzzle for a feed.
Tonight as my elder two did imitations of frogs missing a limb in the water I discreetly lifted my top and popped bb on when I heard a high pitched girlie voice cry;
“Oooh mummy is showing her booby off”
Twin boy stopped mid stroke and managed to tread water successfully for the first time ever and called out;
“Oooh she has got the big booby out”
Up until this moment I genuinely believed the size discrepancy between my two breasts had gone unnoticed by most.
Firmly distracted by all the shouting and sniggering baby beautiful decided to go for the grand finale by wrenching her head off the abnormal boob and turning her body full circle so the breast in question exposed itself to one and all.
Three against one – its not fair!