In Hollywood mornings with children lull the viewer into a huge falsehood. Cuddles with mom and dad in a super size bed as daylight streams in through the bay window are happily depicted; and often mom has already been downstairs and made pancakes on the aga after quickly satisfying Daddy’s morning glory.
For anyone reading this with a belly full of arms and legs or if you are contemplating adding to the world’s population let me quickly disillusion you.
Mornings are brutal and often naked. Unless you have a bathroom per body in the house it will always involve screaming and dancing. This morning I watched a naked twin boy do the foxtrot whilst grabbing his manhood yelling childish expletives at his sister who was cheerfully sitting on the loo picking her nose. All this before six am. By the way twin boy was naked owing to an earlier bathroom trip where he failed to wipe his backside correctly and hence he had stripped and hidden the evidence. I relish the task of hunting for poo stained PJ’s post school run.
We did have cuddles in our medium sized bed. BB bagged her spot early by wailing loudly at four am and refusing to stop until she snuggled into the much coveted spot in the middle of the bed. However the cuddles were more an attempt by me and he who helped create them to try and sleep until the sun at least did its first morning stretch rather than a way of showing adoration for our early morning wakers. An over zealous cuddle meant twin boy inadvertently kicked he who helped create them in his crown jewels, therefore solving the issues of any morning glory for today and some mornings to come by the look of agony on his face.
And as for pancakes?
Breakfast comes from a cardboard box and is mixed with milk and seasoned with mummy shouting ‘hurry up we are late for school’
This is typical of a week day; should you wish to know about a weekend day please re read and in the last paragraph replace the word ‘school’ with whichever weekend activity you have chosen to taxi your children to.
Should you not have children, please take a moment, enjoy the peace.
What can I say, the superkingsized bed was our best buy ever!
And if you do not have children, please relish the lie-ins until midday. They will no longer happen once a child has chosen you for his parents.
A lovely post. How nice to have baby beautiful back in bed though.
Holly at Itsamummyslife says
Oh I know this so well. Eliza was up at 4am and in my bed chatting and kicking me till she finally drifted off again (after being bribed to sleep with promises of a Peppa lolly) at 6.15am. Tilly then woke at 7am and of course I was late for work. Again. Kids are great aren’t they?
Maria Mesias says
Hilarious!! I was late this morning as had my 2 yr old in bed with me and she moves round in circles and kicks me in the process. I need a bigger bed!!
I’m just pleased to read that you have had a ‘normal’ family morning xx
We just invested in a king-size bed, which Tori loves but sadly more as an adventure playground than a sleeping place. I would love her to snuggle in and doze some time but all she ever does is toddle in on a morning and jump on us, try and climb the headboard, demand every cuddly toy in sight then try and launch herself off the side and give Mummy and Daddy both heart-attacks…
They never do that in films either.
Like Jordan said, glad to hear you had a nice ‘normal’ morning all together 🙂
Melissa (GlitterUnicorn) says
After M was born we realised that our double bed was stupidly small and purchased Amaze-A-bed. It still seems too small (its a superking!) with just 3 of us in it, our baby likes to sleep sideways!
Think I’m going to stick to one small person after that. We had a too much wee for the nappy situation this morning at 7:00am and that was bad enough
Oh god, I feel so foolish. I did used to have that exact snuggling in a big bed fantasy. Reality is I hide under covers while saying “Daddy read it, mummy tired”!!
Caroline Parker says
Describes our mornings perfectly!
Misery loves company x
Oh no – mines still little! Is this what I’ve got to look forward too?! Great post x
It just gets worse and worse!
David Bier says
Oh god. Our 2 year old is new to a bed (cotbed converted a fortnight ago) and we’ve had lots of unholy early mornings. I totally agree with the advice to lucky lucky non-parents to enjoy the peace and quiet. And the freedom. And the cinema. And nice restaurants.
A child leaping knees first onto a sleepy daddy’s “bits” really is the most reliable form of contraception. glad mine isn’t the only unruly family in the morningxxx