I have got my best suit out, ironed he who helped create them a shirt and we have both had our weekly bath. We have to look at our best as we are off to see the bank manager tomorrow. Truth is we need a loan, and a substantial one at that. Twin girl and boy turn five in less than seven weeks and they need a party and we need a loan in order to lay one on.
When did parties evolve from having a few mates round playing pass the parcel wrapped in newspaper to a full on catered affair with entertainment. I had a magician once – it was at my wedding! I had to wait until I found the man of my dreams, get knocked up and force him to marry me before I could have such luxuries but for children it is the norm. Had I have realised five years ago the stress this would cause me not to mention the expense I would have kept my legs crossed a few more months to ensure the birthday didn’t fall right after the bottomless purse event that is Christmas.
I mean, jaysus, its obscene, we have held the ceremonious party in our house a few times but after last year we swore never again. It was a blur of four-year olds racing around my three bed terrace abode screaming just because they like the sound and hitting each other with balloon swords. It took me a good bottle of Oyster Bay (oh yes the good stuff) and he who helped create them a double whiskey to be able to even attempt the clean up afterwards. The dog still whimpers whenever we mention the word party.
Do you know what I did for my birthday this year? Sod all! Well kids threw me a party consisting of them and he who helped create them and a cake which I bought myself but the grand total spent on the event was fifteen quid. We will be lucky with the twins if we come out of it with change from a monkey.
First we have to pay to use the freezing cold hall. Despite the fact that the children running around yelling will act as solar heating therefore saving them money. Then we have to find someone to entertain them as quite frankly the idea of playing musical bumps for two hours bores me. Now these ‘entertainers’ aren’t clowns you know. At the going rate of hundred quid an hour plus expenses they all live in mansions by the sea laughing at us poor fool parents who have not yet realised that applying bad makeup and running round with a feather duster ensures you more return than the current stock market.
Then the food, now here we have a dilemma, do we go for appearances and hand out beautiful sandwiches made on wholemeal, accompanied by carrot and cucumber sticks and hummus and olives. Or do we go for child popularity and head down the pound shop and stock up on e numbers in a bag and slap a bit of Philly between some bread? Either way with the guest list my daughter is currently compiling it will cost the earth.
I have found one money saver, rather than invites I am just going to stick a sign on the school gate saying ‘free childcare for two hours at the hall’ I will presume everyone is coming.
Trust me you don’t want to know my opinion on party bags…………