I am thinking of suing the hospital, when they decided to cut open my tummy and remove two children they made a massive error. They took out the children and left in the users manuel.
( They also forgot my tummy tuck but that’s a different blog.)
We coped ok for the first couple of years, we used a book from the library instead that sorted us in terms of establishing a routine that allowed us to welcome sleep back into our abode. But we desperately need it now in order to refer to the section on ages 4 to 5.
As twin boy and girl reached three and a half we foresaw that we were going to have problems and he who helped create them spent ages looking for their reset button but it is hidden well. So we decided very sensibly to get pregnant again, have another major operation and get the surgeon to fish out three manuals this time. That way we could have one for home, one spare and one for nanny when she takes them on holiday.
But would you adam and eve it;
The bloody fool doctor only forgot again.
My only compensation is baby beautiful however she spends all day sitting wringing her hands looking at ways to thwart me in her toddlerdom years. So although we can operate her now I know she is adapting her settings slowly but surely in order to be a terrible two.
Now I am stuck with all the bad habits the twins have picked up from he who helped create them! If I had a manuel I could learn how to reprogramme them. If I had a manuel I could hit reset so twin girl wouldn’t thinking yelling is an acceptable volume for speech. If I had a users guide I could at the very least adapt twin boy’s setting so he could to learn to love quiet reading games as opposed to swash buckling pirate wars which involve turning my living room into a boat. I am sure the manuel would teach me how to get them both to stand quietly in a queue and I know there must be a button on them somewhere which prevents them telling chubby people how fat they are (myself included)
So to the ladies I have seen standing with their impeccably behaved kids in restaurants and Tesco’s. Clearly they were smart enough to push out their user guides with the placenta. But please spare a thought for little old me who had to rely on a male doctor to remove the guide. Please can I borrow a copy?