Thank you all for coming on this terribly sad day,
To mark the occasion of my social life passing away.
It was a culmination of events that led to the death of my outgoing life,
Triggered by having children and becoming a wife.
So let us remember the good times and bad,
When my social life was active, oh what fun we did have.
We used to hang out in bars and dance all night long,
In those days I didn’t have to wear my big knickers as I could get away with a thong.
My social life’s illness started off slow,
Wearing high heels was the first thing to go.
Wild nights out with friends are replaced by family meals down the pub,
But we have to be home before seven to get the kids in the tub.
Evenings out drinking have been firmly cast aside,
As two pregnancies ensures my alcohol tolerance has also died.
Nights at the cinema still happen but quite frankly that’s hell.
Instead of watching the latest blockbuster the last thing I watched was bloody Tinkerbell.
So now my evening consists of playing on facebook and twitter,
We would love to go out but have you seen the price of a sitter?
So social life has croaked out its very last breath,
At just 33 it seems to be such an untimely death.
Get out your tissues and let the tears flow,
My social life is gone its been replaced by nights in with play doh.
I solemnly scatter its remains into the earth,
Looking forward to one day when it will get a rebirth!
Oh yes because when the kids can stay home all alone,
And I can access their every movements using GPS on the phone.
Then ladies and gents we are having a do,
So I will see you down the pub in two thousand and twenty two.
Thanks for coming, please sign the book of condolence in the comments box before you leave.