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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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help my blog has been hijacked

My name is Owen; mummy writes about me sometimes, this is my blog debut.  I have had to hijack mummy’s blog as I don’t know how to set one up myself – I am only four.

I woke up this morning it must have been wakey up time as the sun was up but my Spiderman clock said six zero zero.  I was wide awake and bored so I wandered into mummy’s room stood really close to her nose and said in my best shouting voice ‘ Is it waking up time yet’  I know mummy doesn’t mind me doing this as she never shouts in fact sometimes I barely even hear her response.  However apparently the sun being up does not equal waking up time so I wander back to my room and sit on my sister Molly until she wakes up.  Together we discuss our roles for the day.

  ‘It’s your turn to be devil twin’ I state ‘today I have to be angel child’ 

Molly consults the good behaviour sticker chart and agrees she has one more than I do so it must be her turn to play mummy and daddy like a fiddle.

So I quickly get dressed whilst Molly decides to pretend she has woken up without any of her senses and can no longer dress herself, instead she crawls into mummy’s room and declares that she is too tired as I woke her up.  This prompts a long discussion from daddy to me about the perils of waking up before seven o clock and how it is unfair and so on and so on and so on.  Bloody grownups are obsessed with seven o clock – do they not know six is the new seven o’clock?

Whilst I wholeheartedly agree with Daddy and promise to never open my eyes before seven o clock ever ever again Molly steps it up a gear and demands that only mummy can brush her teeth, good strategic move here as mummy is currently stuck in the chair with baby Libby-Sue (who is also in on it but can get away with murder) sucking on her booby.  While Daddy tries to reason with her Molly shoots me a questioning look, I give her the nod and she goes into full meltdown, real tears and everything just because mummy wont brush her teeth – fantastic work, completely irrational, and the grownups have no idea how to handle it.

Mummy at this point is turning a shade of pink and I can see she is getting ready to yell, however it is a little too soon for that.  I have a bet on with Molly that it will take at least thirty minutes before mummy cracks and  breaks her own no shouting rule and we are only at twenty.  Stepping in quickly I do some damage control and snuggle into her arms and whisper ‘I love you, you’re the best mummy in the world’ and her colour starts to reduce slightly.  Works a treat every time – the trick is to always say it with complete sincerity. 

Breakfast time, mummy has already warned Molly that her second school cardie is in the wash so she mustn’t spill her breakfast down the one she is wearing.  I mean it is like taking candy from a baby, it is just too easy for her.   As soon as mummy leaves the room Molly grins like the Cheshire cat and sticks her finger in her weetabix and drags it slowly down her top.  Not enough to look intentional, not little enough to ignore.  The result being that I learnt something about equations today,

                Molly + cardie + weetabix = mummy using a word we are not allowed to say,

What a result, wait till I teach it to the kids in the playground! Mummy will get booted off the PTA.

Molly then proceeds to lose her shoes, school bag and manages to empty her lunch bag on the floor in front of the dog – mum then officially cracks and lets out a roar that a Lion would be proud of.  Daddy at this point has disappeared behind a book in the bath but for good measure Molly keeps nipping upstairs and stands in front of him saying ‘ Daddy, Daddy, Daddy’ without ever getting to the point to ensure he achieves zero relaxation.

For her grand finale Molly dramatically wrenches out her bunches at the door declaring she only wants to wear her hair down and she doesn’t care about nits – they can be her pets.  Mummy goes into complete meltdown and daddy need to get out of the bath to calm the whole situation down and we arrive at school finally 5 minutes late.  Mummy gives me a good behaviour sticker for being such a good boy.

Wicked morning – how can I top that tomorrow?

Comments

  1. Mammywoo says

    September 23, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    Hahaha brilliant!!! At least the dog had a greAt breakfast!!!

    Reply
  2. lizzyo22 says

    September 23, 2010 at 8:14 pm

    Hello Owen! Well done on your very first blog entry. A very good post indeed! Now, remember, whenever you hear a lion roar and it’s standing very close, there’s only one thing you should do….run like the wind. If you (or anyone else near you) stick around and try and poke it with a stick, it is guaranteed to get even more dangerous! Suggest that you do the same the next time you hear your mummy roaring like a lion! It’s just too dangerous!

    Reply
  3. Tilly says

    September 23, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    Wear pyjamas for breakfast. One less thing to stress about in the mornings. Nipper is hopeless with his meals. I swear he wears most of his food!

    Reply
  4. mummyandkatie says

    September 23, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    absoultely brilliant!… Poorparenting directed me here, and i am very glad she did. Owen, you write fantastically

    Reply
  5. jumpingbean says

    September 23, 2010 at 10:41 pm

    Oh that is brilliant!!

    I’m another Northern mummy of a Southern toddler, and another one that PoorParenting has directed here 🙂

    Just pure genius writing. Pure genius. Well done Owen, a cracker of a debut!

    Reply
  6. Jordan says

    September 24, 2010 at 8:04 am

    I’ve just received this in my inbox & it is absolutely brilliant. Thank you for making me smile!

    Reply
  7. Ali says

    September 24, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    Dear Owen
    Good strategy and secrecy are the key to success, admitting conspiracy in an open arena may just limit the efficacy of your battle plan.
    I think you should spend at least half of this weekend practising your cute face. Once this is out your partner in crime will be forced to deny any part in your plan, I have a suspicion that she has been secretly working on hers so may already be ahead of the game.

    PS note to Molly the maximum number of legs that are acceptable on a pet that stands any chance is 4.

    Reply
  8. Emma says

    September 24, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    I followed here from your question over at BMB and I think it’s a very funny post x

    Reply
  9. Linda says

    September 25, 2010 at 8:46 am

    Hi, I also clicked through from BMB – I have just clicked on ‘excellent’ for this post and oh my your pic at the top is just beautiful. xx

    Reply
  10. Elsie Button says

    September 26, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    ha ha ha bloody brilliant post! altho, sounds like you had one hell of a morning!

    Reply
  11. Rachel says

    September 26, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    me too, lovely post

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 27, 2010 at 6:52 am

      thankyou

      Reply
  12. Michelle Twin Mum says

    September 26, 2010 at 10:08 pm

    Well Owen, as a fellow Mummy of twins I think you have just let the cat out of the bag for my girls and thank you for letting me in on your little twinny tactics!

    Love it, Mich x

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      September 27, 2010 at 6:52 am

      thanks michelle, owen sends his best to the girls

      Reply

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