So this is me, allow me to introduce myself. I am mummy, occasionally pronounced muuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmm.
I have three children and a husband (he who helped create them); the twins arrived four and a half years ago and we went back for more this year and had our beautiful baby.
My children are very advanced, I know this because my eldest daughter told me she hated me way before any one elses children started saying that to their parents, in fact I have yet to meet anyone else with a four-year old who has had that yelled at them in Tescos in the toy aisle. Still one always has to see the positive in everything.
My son holds the record for the amount of green stuff one nose can produce, it has been continuous since birth and showing no signs of abating, this does not necessarily signify that he is very advanced but he stands a good chance of getting in the Guinness Book of Records.
BB is clearly advanced as she was smart enough to arrive 3 days before her due date as she knew that would make one of us very happy!
The four of us, plus our rapid rescue hound, rub along quite nicely, each day throws up its own new unique problem and no two days are the same. My life is should come with a volume switch, the children have been known to smash the sound barrier on a daily basis. Going on maternity leave has forced me to rediscover my inner mummy although I am proud to say I have a complete ban on MoonSand and Play Doh.
This first blog is an introduction you to us, however to give you a taster of what life is like for me let me share with you the story of today.
We threw on our coats and shoes and ventured out to our favourite spot – soft play. After a few years of attending these places I have learnt to tune out the excessive noise and focus on the cup of tea in front of you whilst the children behave like wild animals after spotting fresh meat.
We were in a new play establishment and my the steam was still swirling on my tea as twin boy ran to me red faced clutching his backside asking where the toilets were, pointing a reply and telling him to hurry as it was home time he disappeared in an urgent flash. Minutes past, the baby was strapped in the car seat protesting loudly, twin girl was in her coat ready to go but was fighting the urge to dive into the ball pool when suddenly I heard twin boy bellow ‘mummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyy’.
The usual noise and hustle of 100 children fell to silence as the other mothers looked around to identify the mystery child calling lovingly for his mother. I waved my hand to identify myself and then instantly wished I hadn’t as he bellowed
‘I have done a poo can you wipe my bum’
then he dropped his hands to the floor placed his head between legs and expose a bare white bottom.
We won’t be returning….