I’m not going to lie, this post could be one of those irritatingly happy ones you may want to skip past if not in the mood.
I won’t take offence if you do.
My forties have been a problematic decade for me in some respects. I entered them a little sluggish, did some work on myself, told myself it was a weight issue (I was overweight), then got a bit fitter and my waistline decreased.
Then I got anxious, like really anxious, I had the wake up in the night terrified of an unknown future kind of anxiety that came from nowhere – and being a size 12 didn’t seem to aid my mood.
So I got bigger and I got better, one didn’t impact the other. Counselling, a shit tonne of self help books, some very supportive friends and I learnt how to control the anxiety that resided beneath the surface of my confident persona.
Ironically I learnt exercise was a key way to keep my mental health resilient and strong.
Then Covid hit.
An exercise regime fell away to nights “supporting” the local pubs with take outs. Runs became walks, water turned to wine.
Covid ended.
And I lost my health & continued to gain the weight.
I always backed myself, I knew the physical body I was sporting wasn’t permanently mine but it lingered far longer than I expected. I don’t believe you need to be slim to be happy, but health equate happiness in my world.
I began wearing the label of “yeah, I run a gym but you’d never know it…” or “I used to be ok at CrossFit but those days are gone.”
(I know – I said this would be a happy post)
This time last year, I was pretty much at the peak of my lethargy. I was still exercising and convincing myself I was fit, but realistically a far cry from where I wanted to be.
And now…..
Holy smokes, I’ve only gone and done it…..
Took longer than I thought, but I’ve gained some pretty decent health and I am going to do all I can to ensure it stays.
To present day….
I’m writing this after just finishing a sub 30 minutes 5k (28.17 for those who like the detail), I’ve been hankering after that for a while.
12 months ago I couldn’t run a mile.
(Ok, ok, 200 yards be more accurate)
Now I can run.
My fitness is slowly returning, and my happiness is flying. And yes – my waistline is back at the inches that I want it to be.
But to be clear this was never about weight loss, it was about health gain; it was always about being the mum who runs with her kids, could pull her own body weight out at Aquaparks, who competes for fun at CrossFit, and can whip down the netball court at pace. (Sadly, it has done nothing for my catching ability).
Externally it looks like I’ve shrunk a couple of dress sizes. Internally it’s a whole fecking light up. Fear of Type 2 Diabetes has gone, I no longer google Cancer related obesity as a midnight fear. I’ve chased health and for now I’ve caught it and I’m in an exclusive relationship.
I’ve got really honest with myself about who I wanted be and I’m delighted to say at approaching 50 I’ve got clarity….
And I did a personal best post 40 in a 5k run…
Happy freaking days.
(I did warn you)
